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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8year old DS home alone?

513 replies

Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 17:23

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

OP posts:
danTDM · 26/12/2017 19:32

She is back by 11am!!!

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 19:32

I wouldn't have trusted DS at that age to get himself up, dressed,fed,remember everything he needs and walk to school alone locking the door behind him.

I’m not suggesting this either

OP posts:
danTDM · 26/12/2017 19:34

No, DD couldn't do that either. This is as far from that as could be!

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 19:34

So you are struggling for money and have found a summer holiday time only job?

No.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Natsku · 26/12/2017 19:36

I had to trust DD once to leave home on time as I was at the doctor and she forgot to lock up - that's definitely one for a bit older! (She did get to school on time though)

ineedamoreadultieradult · 26/12/2017 19:37

No as in its not a summer holiday job or no you are not struggling financially? As you have specifically mentioned both of these in your posts so far.

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/12/2017 19:41

I think it all depends on the child. DD at 10 was travelling for an hour on 3 different tubes across London on her own to and from school.
Whilst friends son at 13 she left alone for the first time for an hour. He invited friends round and she came back early to find they were setting fire to newspaper in the living room near the curtains.

Whilst you may be confident other people might not look at the situation the same.

TinselTwat · 26/12/2017 19:44

Why bother asking if you are certain he'll be fine? If you think this is a reasonable safe thing to do why are you getting defensive?

Itchytights · 26/12/2017 19:46

No. Fucking. Way.

8 is way too young. ShockShockShock

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 19:47

ITS all explained in my posts ineed

OP posts:
Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 19:48

why are you getting defensive?

Where?

OP posts:
greensnail · 26/12/2017 19:52

I would if I was certain they would be ok with it. My 9 year old would be fine with it, she would sleep until gone 9 anyway then probably play minecraft until I was home and is quite used to being left when needed.
My 7 year old is much less sensible and I probably won't be leaving her for a few years yet.

BattleCunt · 26/12/2017 19:53

@Awwlookatmybabyspider bloody hell - she's asking for advice, not for someone to come along and be a nasty bitch about it. She's panicking in a horrible situation here, there was zero need for that at ALL.

Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unfinishedkitchen · 26/12/2017 19:54

OP I know you’re desperate but this is not a good idea. Go home to your support network. There’s nothing in this new town for you. Hopefully his old school will take him back too.

Also have you thought about contacting your exes family? Maybe they may be able to step in financially if they know their grandchild is in this situation.

BattleCunt · 26/12/2017 19:55

People are right, eight years old is too young to be left alone for that long, and I'm so sorry you're being faced with this nightmare.

Please ignore people being nasty to you, you're in a horrible situation and just trying to do the right thing for you and your child.

TinselTwat · 26/12/2017 19:55

Do not do this. It is utterly irresponsible

Natsku · 26/12/2017 19:56

It is not utterly irresponsible, plenty of 8 year olds do this every day. It might not be right for your 8 year old but to make a blanket statement that it is not right for any 8 year old is clearly wrong.

danTDM · 26/12/2017 19:57

Olivermums sums it up perfectly.

I think the people that would do this are many OP, and those that have competent, reasonable and emotionally developed children aren't answering as it is completely reasonable if you have children that you can trust and know you can and that are capable.

Many of course, are not.

The hours work well and in two short years he'll have to get to school alone. This is good to build him up for that.

Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CommanderDaisy · 26/12/2017 20:02

Personally, I think 8 is too young to be left alone. But my 8 year old was impossible.
I'm so sorry for the world of shit your ex dumped you in. If he is this much of an arse, what would happen if he or his family found you were leaving your son alone? Would they be likely to use this against you at sometime in the future? I would consider if this is a possible problem later on.

danTDM · 26/12/2017 20:04

Oh no, My DD is more grown up than me, often. Fluent in many languages, fantastic at art, maths and reasoning. Emotionally very intelligent and also able to use a phone and pop up to the neighbour if in trouble.

She can pour cereal too and play minecraft for 2 hours.

I must have an exceptional child.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2017 20:05

He’s 8! What would he do in the event of an accident or a fire? If someone persistently knocked on the door?
8 is Year 3. First year out of infants. No way.
And if your neighbours realise they may well report you.

Get a job with more hours and a childminder.

Isetan · 26/12/2017 20:07

If SS ever found out it would be a lot more than social embarrassment. This is a terrible idea and yes, leaving an eight year old in charge of a 15 month old would be viewed as neglect. Lots of situations that were viewed as the norm back in day are thankfully viewed differently today.

Considering most accidents involving children occur in the home, what and who would an eight year old do?

I’m afraid your circumstances as difficult as they are, are not reason enough to neglect children.

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