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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8year old DS home alone?

513 replies

Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 17:23

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

OP posts:
Darkbendis · 26/12/2017 17:44

Well, you did ask. Most people say that he's too young to be left alone (I agree with them, I have an almost 9 year old and I wouldn't do it). Of course it's up to you as he's your DC, but... you did ask and here are the answers .

confusedpineapple · 26/12/2017 17:45

Although bear in mind as there's no set age to legally leave a child, if anything did happen you could then face neglect charges. It's not neglect but if something happens it may be IYSWIM?

confusedpineapple · 26/12/2017 17:47

Yes for four year old twins of a neighbour in the school holidays for odd days when both our parents were working. I wasn't allowed to do much, but we were left lunch and it was normally mid morning to early afternoon and they checked we were okay by ringing!

Then again I could also call on other neighbours if needed

JennyOnAPlate · 26/12/2017 17:47

Absolutely not! That’s far too long to leave an 8 year old. I’ve never left my almost 10 year old for longer than 20 minutes (none of her friendship group have ever been left at all)

Caulk · 26/12/2017 17:48

It depends on the child, but I’m yet to meet an 8 year old who I would leave for that long or would actually be okay with it in practice, rather than just in talk.

stickytoffeevodka · 26/12/2017 17:48

That's far too young.

I'm sure he knows not to do things but 8 year olds get distracted easily and don't always have huge amounts of common sense.

It may not be illegal to leave him home alone but if something happens (like a fire, or he goes out and locks himself out or something) the police will be asking why on earth you left an 8yo home alone like that.

Maybe when he was 10-11 but not at that age. Pay for childcare.

Fairylea · 26/12/2017 17:48

Far too young, sorry.

Darkbendis · 26/12/2017 17:48

In Scotland it would be considered neglect. I work with the police and I attended a few cases where little children were left in charge of 10 year old ones. Parents ended up having chats with police and were referred to the social services.

Darkbendis · 26/12/2017 17:50

... and yes, 8-9 year old kids left alone would be considered neglect by police too.

youvegottobekidding · 26/12/2017 17:52

No I wouldn't leave my 8 yr old alone. I wouldn't even leave him with him with his almost 13 yr old sister, for fear of wwlll!

Browntile · 26/12/2017 17:52

I think it's far too long at that age. I have an 11 and 8 year old. 11 year old I will leave for a couple of hours now (though don't go too far). I started leaving him at 8.5 but only for 5/10 mins. I'm not sure I'd leave him for 5 hours even now. 8 year old I've not left yet (will also be 9 in sept). She is v bright, mature, intelligent but I still feel it's too young (she is bloody clumsy too!). I sympathise with your predicament though.

Todayissunny · 26/12/2017 17:53

Leaving a 10 year old in charge of a younger one is different.
My ds chose to be left alone sometimes when he was as young as 8 - possibly younger I don't remember exactkly. His twin at 11yo still doesn't want to be left alone so I wouldn't leave him. .

brizzledrizzle · 26/12/2017 17:54

No, he's too young and it's too long.

Scrumptiousbears · 26/12/2017 17:56

Far far too young.

doctorsnewcompanion · 26/12/2017 17:57

YABU
It’s too long, too young.

danTDM · 26/12/2017 18:00

I think it's fine if you do OP, and you know your son. He is practically 9 and so is my DD who would HAPPILY wake up at 8 and make her breakfast and amuse herself 'till 11. She is super sensible and of course OP would have told him the usual fire drills etc.

He is also fine with it.

I do not think in any way this is neglect OP

Well done for coping with your recent upheavals Flowers

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 18:01

Too young. Times have changed from what we used to do when we were younger.
We started leaving ds2 by himself for an hour or so when we popped to the supermarket when he was 11- however, only when both naighbours were home either side, so he knew that he could go to them if anything was wrong, and they would also check in every 15 mins. It was more so he could start having some independence, as we lived out of town, in a small group of houses, no opportunity to walk to school etc.
We've now moved into town and he is 13, ds1 is 18. Only once we've left big one with little one as we don't go out in the evenings. And again if we do go somewhere now in the day and he doesn't want to come, we check our neighbours our in, and also my parents live around the corner.
I would be on pins leaving an 8 year old by himself being that far away!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/12/2017 18:01

Sorry things are tough in that you've no support but I think 8 is way too young.

Is there a holiday club at school?

EssexMummy123456 · 26/12/2017 18:01

do you have a spare room? maybe rent out to raise cash

KarmaStar · 26/12/2017 18:03

OP,I don't think it is right to leave a child of that age alone.
There are so many things that could go wrong.
I appreciate you don't want to have to get him up early to go to child care but that is infinitely better than leaving a young child alone.
Plus you have peace of mind knowing he was safe and cared for.
You really can't do this.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/12/2017 18:06

Yes it's far too young, but if you're a single mum and have to work. There's no childcare available. What do you do.
I'm not being goady. Genuine question.
Not everyone has a retired mother and father who lives in the next street.

Tinselistacky · 26/12/2017 18:07

When my ds 9 is on another floor of the house I am suspicious never mind home alone!!

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 18:07

We’ve really been left up shit creek and I’m panicking. He left thousands of debt, pays nothing and hasn’t even contacted tasted DS in weeks.
I’m told (I can’t bring myself to look) that he was sunning himself on a beach yesterday.

I can’t afford to take the hours when childcare is factored in, for non term time the hours fit around school which is excellent. Full time and longer serving staff have monopolized any other hours for non term time so it was that or late nights.

Really I know the majority disagree but I’m certain he’d be fine and it’s more social embarrassment that would stop me. Though I’m saying that, I’ve never done it before, max has been 20mins and never in car.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2017 18:10

l leave my 9 yo dd since she was 9 for 15-20mins when I walk the dog or pop to the shops. I go in the car so could be home relatively quickly. I think what you are proposing is far too long. My dd is also very very sensible.

RunningOutOfCharge · 26/12/2017 18:11

You're certain?

I remember a couple on holiday in Portugal who once thought that

I hope you get reported!