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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8year old DS home alone?

513 replies

Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 17:23

After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/12/2017 18:12

Why does the government only hound single parents. Why aren't they hounding that selfish sperm donor to help pay for the child he helped to create. Perhaps then you wouldn't be in this dilemma.
Angry

MrsDilber · 26/12/2017 18:14

From Google:

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children ( NSPCC ) says: children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time. children under 16 shouldn't be left alone overnight. babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone.

Child law advice says:

The law does not specify an age when a child can be left at home alone. However, parents commit an offence if leaving the child at home alone puts him or her at risk. Coram Children's Legal Centre advise that most children under the age of 13 should not be left at home alone.

Nousernameforme · 26/12/2017 18:15

I was left for full days 5 days a week in school holidays bar 2 weeks a year from a similar age and was never harmed. However I did resent it and was bored all the time. That said I think for 6 hours one week 9 the next I would do it. If he is truly sensible that is and knows all the things to do in an emergency not to cook etc. I have one I could have happily left at that age and one that I wouldn't leave now despite them being older. You are at the end of a phone and able to get back would a neighbour pop in to check/be a go to in case of an emergency?

thisagain · 26/12/2017 18:15

I am shocked that anyone would ever think leaving an 8 year old child on their own in the house for even 10 minutes would ever be acceptable. How sensible can an 8 year old ever be? They're just 8. I personally do think it's bordering neglect.

grumpysquash3 · 26/12/2017 18:17

This is only for the school holidays. What happens on a school day?

RestingGrinchFace · 26/12/2017 18:17

If it's the school holidays can't you send him to stay with your family?

BuzzKillington · 26/12/2017 18:18

Don't be ridiculous. It is neglect.

Angelicinnocent · 26/12/2017 18:18

I wouldn't leave him alone but I don't see why he would need a childminder. Round here, there are plenty of teenagers who would do it for a easy spending money. It's just school holidays and only a couple of days each week so find a sensible 15 year old nearby and ask.

Graphista · 26/12/2017 18:19

It's not just practical aspects it's lonely and putting too much pressure on him and if his birthday sep he's only JUST 8. NO

Have you contacted financial support charities to see what help you may be able to get? Also people like gingerbread? I raised dd alone would never have even contemplated this

Natsku · 26/12/2017 18:19

Sounds fine to me OP, he'd be asleep most of the time and doesn't mind the idea himself so he's most likely ready for that level of independence. Where I live it's pretty common for 8 year olds to be home alone for a few hours when needed.

Popchyk · 26/12/2017 18:20

Do you actually want to stay living where you are? Maybe think about that first.

Can you return to where you used to live if you have support from family or friends there? Maybe you have work contacts there that you could sound out. Sounds like your ex has lost interest anyway if he hasn't bothered to see his son who lives locally.

I'd be thinking about the bigger picture.

RunningOutOfCharge · 26/12/2017 18:21

His friends will find out and a parent will report you

Then you'll have ss on your back

anyoldname76 · 26/12/2017 18:21

i wouldnt, my ds is 8 and there is no way id leave him to wake up in a empty house, even though he is a capable and sensible boy its not something i would do.

fairybells · 26/12/2017 18:22

I was left home alone as a child from 9 years old, few hours at a time and I was fine but I wouldn't leave my kids though. So much could happen, a house fire or what if some nutcase rings the doorbell etc.

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 18:23

I remember a couple on holiday in Portugal who once thought that

Wildly different ages and reasons.

OP posts:
RunningOutOfCharge · 26/12/2017 18:25

Reason doesn't matter

Neither does age tbh.... you are trying to justify it. So wrong

Popchyk · 26/12/2017 18:25

Were you married to your ex?

Where did the debts come from?

Are they in his name or joint names?

Steakandchips3 · 26/12/2017 18:27

Far too long to be left at that age and I agree with other posters, it's neglect.

Original poster
Dailybastardmail · 26/12/2017 18:28

Neither does age tbh Hmm

I’m not trying to justify it, I haven’t done it and I asked for a reason. I appreciate most answers from either side but I’m not listening to absolute nonsense either.

OP posts:
wellbanana · 26/12/2017 18:29

It sounds like a really difficult situation and I feel for you.
But to leave an 8 year old at home, for extended periods on a regular basis, would be frowned upon at best by most people and goes against 'guidelines' on the appropriate age to leave a child. I know these guidelines are flexible, but nowhere does it suggest 8 is an okay age. It's more like 12/13.
Tbh I think neglectful is not outside the realms of how social services would perceive this. You could find yourself on the receiving end of a safeguarding referral (and for the record, I'm not being dramatic, that's based on professional experience).
There's a lot worse outcomes sadly than SS getting involved.

Oysterbabe · 26/12/2017 18:29

Why ask if you're certain he'll be fine?
He's too young.

RunningOutOfCharge · 26/12/2017 18:30

Ugh! She's not going to listen

She's one of those 'parents'

Natsku · 26/12/2017 18:30

Age does matter running leaving a 4 year old (i.e. the couple in Portugal) is quite different to leaving an 8 year old.

danTDM · 26/12/2017 18:30

It is for a few hours a week in the holidays. Please get this in perspective people. He is fine, OP is confident he is fine and she is back by 11am. It is not every day.

He gets up at 8/9 makes his cereal, watches TV of plays minecraft.
His mum is back at 11. He has her number.

My DD would be totally fine with this. I don't do it as I don't need to, but I would if I had to, no doubt. It's basically 2 hours a couple of days a week, on his own.

SS wouldn't give a shit.

Popchyk · 26/12/2017 18:31

Oh, and contact the Child Maintenance Service and put in a claim.

Your ex should be financially responsible for his child. You should not have to shoulder that burden alone.