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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How batshit do I need to go?

233 replies

anotherBadAvatar · 26/12/2017 13:54

xmas Day at DM’s house yesterday- me, DH, DD1(3yrs) and DD2(6m).

She has a dog I’m not overly fond of. It’s neurotic, highly strung and not fabulously behaved. We have a dog too, for the record, so I’m not anti-dogs at all.

DD1 got v close to DM’s dog face yesterday, saying “hellooo doggy”, but not touching her, and the dog bit her lip. Not terribly, but there was no warning, and poor DD was understandably hysterical afterwards. I had just told DD1 to leave the dog alone when it happened.

This was not the first time DM’s dog has nipped DD1. The last time, she was about 18m old, when she grabbed the dog’s back to steady herself.

DD1 is used to dogs, and I know I should have kept her away from the dog, especially knowing it’s history, but it all happened so quickly. DM didn’t even offer an apology.

We’re back at home now, would I be U to tell her the children are never to be around her dog again?

OP posts:
Badhairday1001 · 27/12/2017 19:02

I would ask her to keep the dog shut in s separate room when you visit. If MIL won't do this I would not be taking my children there again.

Loreleigh · 27/12/2017 19:02

Incidents like this often end up with the dog being euthanised for something that was really the fault of the humans. In this instance it was your responsibility not to let your child near a known biter dog and to ensure the kids listen when you tell them not to piss the dog off/frighten it/make it feel defensive etc - if they won't listen, remove them or at least keep them and the dog apart.

Touchmybum · 27/12/2017 19:07

The DM's responsibility to keep the dog away from her grandchildren. The children's parents' responsibility to keep the grandchildren away from the dog.

Simple.

VeraVinegarTits · 27/12/2017 19:08

YANBU. I wouldn't let my children near the dog again either. Hope your DD is ok. Flowers

froshiechipandbrickie · 27/12/2017 19:08

loreleigh

Or it was the responsibility of the owner to not let a known biter near her grandchildren...

This is definitely not just on the OP.

Maireadplastic · 27/12/2017 19:35

As HipNew said 'It really isn't possible to keep eyes on multiple small children every single second while visiting with relatives, eating, and so on.'

Anyone who says they manage this is lying.

He11y · 27/12/2017 19:45

You shouldn’t go batshit at all.

You and the dogs owner let it down - you were responsible for making sure your child left it alone and the owner is responsible for keeping their dog away from out of control children. The dog has obviously given warnings before or you wouldn’t know it is unpredictable - I would argue it’s very predictable but unlucky to be surrounded by people who don’t know how to respect a dogs space.

You need to educate your child before you let them near any dog again, including your own, and the dogs owner needs to be very careful when it’s around children in future as it now knows that biting works ie it gets an unwanted human out of its face quickly.

This was a warning to you all - respect animals and teach your children to do the same. They should know not to get in a dogs face if you have a dog yourself.

Katherine2626 · 27/12/2017 22:26

Keep away from the dog - it is not doing anything wrong but clearly feels threatened with a child so close. and will react. There might not be such a relatively painless outcome next time, for either child or dog.

XmasInTintagel · 27/12/2017 22:35

Incidents like this often end up with the dog being euthanised for something that was really the fault of the humans. In this instance it was your responsibility not to let your child near a known biter dog

I just don't get that we accept having 'known biter dogs' around! Such dogs get euthanased because they're dangerous, not because people overstep some imaginary mark by going anywhere near them.
I don't think its fair to blame the OP or the child, people should not have pets unmuzzled around people, which have ever bitten anyone. Plenty of dogs manage to go through life not attacking anyone, this idea that they were provoked and its not their fault is very odd and dangerous.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 27/12/2017 23:25

We have a rescue dog who is nervous around visitors and I would never trust him with small children. He is our responsibility. When new people come to the house he is kept on a house line and we keep a close eye on him. If necessary someone will sit with the dog holding his lead or he is put in his crate.

You should teach children how to behave around dogs but you can't trust them to get it right.

If my dog bit someone, especially a child, I would blame myself no matter what the circumstances.

kateandme · 28/12/2017 16:01

look into the way dogs communicate this doesn't have to mean its a monster because it reacted this way.or even bad behaved.dogs communicate in different way.via sniffing.nibbling.nipping,boxing with thir noses barking licking etc.they a dogs.there is never going to be a time they will say "oh hello dd" they communicate as an animal does.even the kindest most docile dogs have been know to react as a dog would in certain times.
so its up to us to train them as best we can but then adapt our own behaviours and how we are and where are kids are around them.you cant blame the dog.or think this makes it untrained.they have animals instincts in them.
if you no this is how the dog is you could perhaps ask you mum if you can keep them both away from eacohter for now.she might say she'll put dog in another room.youd want a agreement to be made.many dog owner keep kids and adults away from eacohter when visitors come.some guests jus wont like dogs.so surely it doesn't need to be anargument or bad feeling.just discussed how to work this better for all concerned.
but I really hate the blaming the dog or calling it bad behaved or its personality floored by it reacting as a dog would.

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 16:04

jesus christ Confused it gets worse

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 28/12/2017 16:06

The dog should have been kept out of the dcs way
This is the responsibility of all the adults

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 16:20

I pissing hate threads like this. Straight away you get the 'dangerous dog, should be PTS' mantra rattled out.

Pretty simple in my head. Both scenarios have been a direct result of the child behaving inappropriately with the dog; getting in a dog's face is not acceptable. Neither is using a dog as a crutch. Clearly as the child is still learning appropriate behaviour, the onus falls on whoever is supervising her to ensure nothing happens. OP failed miserably on both accounts to safeguard her child. There will have been warning signs from the dog that he wasn't happy, people just choose to either ignore them or credit them to some other meaning.

Solution seems really simple to me; whilst your daughter is wandering around, pop the dog either at the other end of the room or elsewhere. Then actively parent & stop your child going near the dog. The poor dog hasn't viciously attacked the child for doing nothing, he reacted. Which is bloody natural!!

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 16:22

Its a bloody dangerous dog that BITING kids FFS

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 16:25

A dangerous dog actively attacks other people/dogs. A dog reacting to having its face pulled about or it's fur pulled is not a dangerous dog!!

I do hope none of you react when someone pokes/prods/screams in your face...god forbid you react & become a 'dangerous' person

Veterinari · 28/12/2017 16:25

The dog was the agressor. The child did not taunt it, hurt it etc. Which means that the dog’s behaviour is the owner’s responsibility.

Actually frostiechip from the dog’s perspective the child was the aggressor. Staring closely at a dog and putting you face close to theirs is basically dog speak for ‘I want to fight you’. So yes the child (unwittingly) did taunt it. The responsible adults in the room should have been supervising this better.

If you have children that may interact with dogs you should probably do some reading about dog body language and appropriate dog-child interactions.

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 16:27

It terrifies me how many people have dogs & kids without a basic understanding of dog behaviour. I wonder if these are the type of people I see on FB allowing their DC to ride/sit on/chase their poor dogs

haveacupofteaandamincepie · 28/12/2017 16:29

What is going batshit supposed to achieve? The only person who acted wrongly was you

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 16:30

I do hope none of you react when someone pokes/prods/screams in your face...god forbid you react & become a 'dangerous' person

Xmas Hmm do you mean like a Domestic Violence type dangerous person ?

BertieBotts · 28/12/2017 16:35

WTF?

If an adult human screams in another's face unexpectedly you'd be hard pressed not to react. It wouldn't be domestic violence to push the person away or even slap at them out of surprise.

Dogs don't have hands!

mustbemad17 · 28/12/2017 16:38

Actually baffled by some responses. What exactly is a dog supposed to do when someone is doing something it doesn't like/is hurting it? They can't exactly turn round & go 'fuck off you knobber' like i would. A growl or warning snap is a warning. I can honestly say if a dog wanted to have hurt OP's child she would have more than a nip to the face. Big, huge, mammoth fucking difference between a cornered dog nipping out of frustration/fear & an aggressive dog attacking a child

christinarossetti · 28/12/2017 16:41

I completely get where you're coming from OP. My mil has two large, untrained dogs and my children were once the age of yours. She wouldn't/won't visit us as 'she doesn't like travelling' so as I want my children to have a relationship with the one functional grandparent that they have, we have always gone there.

Fucking nightmare. House completely unchildproofed, dogs jumping up, fighting under the dinner table, jumping on the settee etc. Children can't kiss her goodnight as the dogs get jealous, can't speak on the phone because the dogs play up.

Amazingly, neither of the children were ever nipped or bitten. Yes, I was super vigilant (how I loved those 5.30am starts with two fucking dogs jumping around!), But it would have only taken a second of a turned back.

If GM wants you to visit again, she needs to ensure that this doesn't happen again, probably by keeping the dog locked away.

Straycatblue · 28/12/2017 17:04

I completely get where you're coming from OP

Wouldnt bother addressing your post to the OP, after her original post she never came back.
It had turned into a frenzied blame game with neverending opinions about who is write and wrong. .
( I include myself in this but blame boxing day Baileys Grin)

To simplify things as this thread and the ranting doesnt want to die, here are the options about who is to blame

  1. The dog with no name (I like to think he has a jaunty scoundrel type name)
  2. The bitten child DD1
  3. The OP
  4. The gran (dog owner)
  5. Donald Trump
  6. Global warming
  7. The other child DD2
  8. The nxt door neighbour twice removed.
Abbylee · 28/12/2017 17:08

When my grandnephew comes over, the dogs go into another room until they can be watched very closely. Children's faces and dog's mouths are in the same proximity. I do not allow for chances. It doesn't hurt the dog to be locked away, it could destroy a child's life. Our dog seems to especially dislike children. Stay away if your mother doesn't see the potential hazards. My dd has scar on her face forever. While she's fine with it, it is constant source of comment. Children before animals

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