How batshit do I need to go?

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xmas Day at DM’s house yesterday- me, DH, DD1(3yrs) and DD2(6m).

She has a dog I’m not overly fond of. It’s neurotic, highly strung and not fabulously behaved. We have a dog too, for the record, so I’m not anti-dogs at all.

DD1 got v close to DM’s dog face yesterday, saying “hellooo doggy”, but not touching her, and the dog bit her lip. Not terribly, but there was no warning, and poor DD was understandably hysterical afterwards. I had just told DD1 to leave the dog alone when it happened.

This was not the first time DM’s dog has nipped DD1. The last time, she was about 18m old, when she grabbed the dog’s back to steady herself.

DD1 is used to dogs, and I know I should have kept her away from the dog, especially knowing it’s history, but it all happened so quickly. DM didn’t even offer an apology.

We’re back at home now, would I be U to tell her the children are never to be around her dog again?

I'm sure there's a bunch of similar responses but even though you knew what the dog was like, you can't watch both kids constantly and children don't always listen. I think for everyone's safety the dog should be kept in another room while you visit, just until the children are both much older to follow instructions to keep out their way better. The way you can explain keeping the dog in another room is that if it had been worse she'd be putting her dog down so putting it another room is surely a fair compromise. If she doesn't agree then you'll have to do visits at your house. Make sure your little one is okay because even a small dog attack can be very traumatic, hopefully her trust in your own dog won't be shaken.

Those saying that the mum should educate her three year old in dog psychology - are you serious? Just so she can avoid upsetting an animal that has already bitten before?

It's funny that whenever I go out for a walk in a green space I see dozens of dogs running round off their leads, jostling people. As yet somehow the onus on everyone else to 'educate themselves' and if they get bitten it is their own fault... ? It's a good thing the law doesn't take this view.

To simplify things as this thread and the ranting doesnt want to die, here are the options about who is to blame

1) The dog with no name (I like to think he has a jaunty scoundrel type name)
2) The bitten child DD1
3) The OP
4) The gran (dog owner)
5) Donald Trump
6) Global warming
7) The other child DD2
8) The nxt door neighbour twice removed.

You forgot:

9. Brexit

I grew up with dogs. A staffie shared my pram-fills me with horror looking back but she was as soft as butter. All my school friends had dogs, none of us got bitten. We would go out with our pets for hours and they would be able to run free in open space. These days there are very few places where dogs can run free for any length of time and often they only get short walks or let out into the garden. I strongly believe that this causes stress and tension to build up in them. Elderly people, for example, are highly unlikely to exercise their dogs enough. When I was in hospital a while ago my sister looked after them but was unable to give them the time and exercise they needed. I noticed that they had become somewhat crabby even with each other. (Male old English mastiff and female Neopolitan mastiff, both rescue dogs.)They soon returned to normal with the return to their routine. However, much as I loved all my dogs I could never say , hand on heart, that they were 100% never likely to nip. They were dogs - dogs can't tell you if they are unwell, in pain, feeling crabby etc. and the clues are not always clear. I would never have let a child, or adult approach them. They were well-trained enough to stay in their designated spot whilst I had visitors and I made it clear that said visitors were not to approach. When a child visited a fire guard was put between dogs and child. If the child persisted dogs were put in another room.One child kept shaking my parrot's cage and pulled the bird's tail. Mother laughed, I stopped the child, child did it again, mother absolutely outraged when parrot nipped the child's hand. Dogs and parrots don't have any weapons except claws, teeth and beaks. Ownermust take responsibility but so must parents!

Of course the owner should take the most responsibility? Allowing the dog inside with her grandchild whom she knows the dog has previously bitten? Bloody batshit and I would have been a lot worse than you Op but so many people will side with a dog over a human

Sorry but why would you let your child grab a dog or put their face up to a highly strung dog. Kids and highly strung dogs just don’t mix. I don’t think you have any right to ‘go batshit’ at all but should politely ask if the dog can be locked in a different room whilst you visit. But tbh I think this is a 50/50 fault thing.

It didn't bite though, it nipped as a warning - if it wanted to bite then it would have. The dog was in its own house, it didn't do anything wrong! If you wanted the dog away from your children then don't take them to the house. And definitely don't let your child get it the dogs face, what on earth were you expecting the dog to do in that situation? The dog wouldn't have seen it as 'she was just saying hello', you do realise how ridiculous that sounds don't you?

Don't be so extreme, tell her that you think the dog and the children should be kept separated and use a gate to keep it that way. All of the adults in this situation need to take responsibility here, going 'batshit' just makes you look stupid because it won't achieve a thing.

Am not afraid of dogs. Had a dog for 16 years. Border collie/Labrador cross rescue. Fabulous family pet. Never a nip or bite, incredibly tolerant. Would let children do anything to her. Had a big detached house, lots of grounds, next door to a huge public facility. Dog got heaps of exercise. ALWAYS cleaned up after her. In spite of that I would not trust any dog at any time because I do not trust their owners. This thread proves how blind dog owners are to the views of non dog owners. Talk to any dog owner and they all will claim they clean up after their pets. Yet our parks, beaches, playgrounds and footpaths are constantly fouled. Dogs are only tolerable if under control at all times and any mess scrupulously cleaned. Otherwise your darling pet is a potentially dangerous public nuisance and OP would do well to keep her children well clear.