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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How batshit do I need to go?

233 replies

anotherBadAvatar · 26/12/2017 13:54

xmas Day at DM’s house yesterday- me, DH, DD1(3yrs) and DD2(6m).

She has a dog I’m not overly fond of. It’s neurotic, highly strung and not fabulously behaved. We have a dog too, for the record, so I’m not anti-dogs at all.

DD1 got v close to DM’s dog face yesterday, saying “hellooo doggy”, but not touching her, and the dog bit her lip. Not terribly, but there was no warning, and poor DD was understandably hysterical afterwards. I had just told DD1 to leave the dog alone when it happened.

This was not the first time DM’s dog has nipped DD1. The last time, she was about 18m old, when she grabbed the dog’s back to steady herself.

DD1 is used to dogs, and I know I should have kept her away from the dog, especially knowing it’s history, but it all happened so quickly. DM didn’t even offer an apology.

We’re back at home now, would I be U to tell her the children are never to be around her dog again?

OP posts:
PerfumeIsAMessage · 26/12/2017 14:22

You're obviously feeling guilty that you weren't watching your child closely enough, despite being a dog owner yourself and despite kbowing the dog wasn't good around kids.

Totally your fault.

FluffyWuffy100 · 26/12/2017 14:26

Small child put their face in an unpredictable dogs face and got bit? Quelle surprise.

user1471443504 · 26/12/2017 14:28

I'm sorry I know you are feeling awful about what happened but I have to agree that you need to take responsibility for this situation. I wouldn't allow my children to get into the face of even the most docile dog never mind one that has snapped at your child before.

Children need to be taught to respect animals and learn how to behave around them and with them.
It's lucky this wasn't more serious. Please talk to your child about this. My son is 3 and I have drummed it into him about how to approach dogs.

Bearsinmotion · 26/12/2017 14:28

YWNBU to ensure the children are never that close to her dog again. In fact that’s what you should have been doing all along, especially since the first incident.

YWBVU to go batshit at DM.

RhiannonOHara · 26/12/2017 14:29

It’s your fault. You’ve no right to go batshit.

harrietsoton · 26/12/2017 14:30

I think you need to batshit at yourself.

Agreed - it happened under YOUR supervision, especially as you already had your reservations about the dog. You could have prevented this by stopping her from annoying him. Dogs are animals not cute cuddly toys that just want to play - your daughter was being annoying and the dog could only 1. Run away or 2. Fight back. A 3 year old’s high pitched shouting and being directly in his face is NOT appropriate

You just want to ‘go batshit’ to pin the blame on her instead, but really this was YOUR fault and you’re responsible for the bite.

I think you need to really evaluate how your daughter acts with your own dog. She’s probably too rough with him or treats him like a cuddly toy - which isn’t acceptable really because if she pisses a dog off to it’s limit, it can bite as a fight or flight response

Obviously don’t keep that dog near your daughter anymore. That’s a no brainer.

FindingANewLeafToTurn · 26/12/2017 14:31

YWouldBU to go batshit.
YWereU to allow your daughter that close to a neurotic dog which had already bitten her.

crunchymint · 26/12/2017 14:31

The dog nipped. That was a warning to stay away. I understand you being upset about it though.
Maybe ask her to keep the dog in a different room to your DC. But do teach your DC not to behave like that to dogs.

Dailystuck71 · 26/12/2017 14:32

The only person to go batshit at is yourself in the mirror.

IntoTheFloodAgain · 26/12/2017 14:37

I think you need to batshit at yourself.

Agreed

Moanaohnana · 26/12/2017 14:38

Your daughter put her face in the dog's face which was very threatening for it.

Any 'unreliable' dog should never have been around your children in the first place. It's too late once they've bitten. Sometimes very too late.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 26/12/2017 14:42

You say you told your poor child to stay away from the vicious dog, then you say your poor child was bitten but you had just told poor child to “ leave the dog alone”. So you did know. Stop trying to blame the dog that is used to living in a child free home.

singingdetective · 26/12/2017 14:46

Are you for real? You're lucky your child only came away with a bit lip. And even the most placid dog wouldn't take kindly to that kind of behaviour!

toolonglurking · 26/12/2017 15:00

You are completely the one at fault here, I would never let my child 'get in the face' of a dog, even my own dog, certainly not a dog known to nip.
You can't blame anyone but yourself here.

Kirk1 · 26/12/2017 15:02

Wow, so much blaming here. I'm sure the OP is already blaming herself for letting the child within biting distance of the dog. No need to heap extra guilt on her.

OP, Try putting it to your DM as a kindness to the dog "Perhaps bitydog would be happier if you keep her in the quiet room with the door shut when the children are around" that avoids saying "Keep your neurotic animal away from my precious kids" and makes it look like you're thinking of her precious pet.

Also, if it's as neurotic as you say, then it probably will be happier curled up somewhere safe while small children are around.

isadoradancing123 · 26/12/2017 15:03

Not really the dogs fault x

NorthernLurker · 26/12/2017 15:03

You need to apologise to mil and take a good look at yourself.

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2017 15:04

Yes, the op should have been keeping an eye. But the owner of a bity dog should have been keeping an eye too. The only innocent party here is the dog.......

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 26/12/2017 15:04

We’re back at home now, would I be U to tell her the children are never to be around her dog again?

Of course not. That’s exactly what you should be doing as their parent. You don’t let kids annoy dogs. You knew she was right up in the dogs face. The bite was very predictable. How can you be surprised? It wasn’t your mothers fault. You were right there. Your daughter caused this and you let it happen.

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2017 15:07

But the owner of a bity dog has responsibility too.

WiddlinDiddling · 26/12/2017 15:08

You have a dog, you know dogs, you also know your child gets in dogs faces and grabs them, you also know your Mothers dog does not like this and will nip to keep herself safe.

So you had ALL the information you needed to keep YOUR child safe... and you didn't.

What do you expect to be told here?

Sort yourself out, engineer situations so that your grabby rude child and the crabby grumpy dog cannot access one another - whether that means you use baby gates, crates, play pens, leads or reins doesn't matter.

I would recommend doing some reading on dog body language too because its highly likley your daughter is doing things YOUR dog doesn't actually like either and you are not seeing the attempts to communicate or the stress signals, so you could be brewing up a bite incident with your OWN dog as well.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2017 15:09

None of the adults in this scenario behaved well - you included.

I would never let my kids interact with a dog until it was absolutely clear that both they and the dog could cope with that interaction. Which would be at least a year of careful, heavily supervised, minimal contact.

The dog must never be allowed near children ever again.

Christ almighty it might have torn your child’s face off.

Amazed you let your child so close to it.

WhooooAmI24601 · 26/12/2017 15:10

How batshit do you need to go at who? Your Mum? The dog? Your DD? Yourself?

Our dog is highly strung as she was mistreated previously. When she came to us she bit DS1 within the first week. From that second onwards she was never alone near the DCs; we had to work incredibly hard to allow her to stay in our home. She's 7 years old now and the most gentle, placid, loving thing; she genuinely is lovely with the DCs. But she's still a dog with a known history of bad behaviour, so when I leave the room she'll instinctively follow me because she knows she doesn't stay with the DCs. She's not allowed on beds, sofas or upstairs. She takes herself off to her crate when we have guests because she likes her peace and quiet. Guests DCs are always told in no uncertain terms never to bother her. So YABU to expect anyone else to protect your DC; that's your role. Your Mum ought to keep the dog away when she knows DCs are visiting but it's still entirely your responsibility to prevent accidents like this.

I hope your DD isn't too sore and upset by this. And I hope that you'll never allow her to be in that position again; confronting an already anxious dog in such close proximity shows that your DD isn't cautious with the dog; she needs to know that you aren't ever allowed to do such things because it really could have been so much worse. (And I know before anyone shoots me down that three is very young, but it's also old enough to begin teaching her about how to keep safe around animals and treat them with caution).

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 15:15

Sorry but it's your fault and I think you know that!

CommonFishDiseases · 26/12/2017 15:16

I am shocked by these responses. The dog has bitten a child more than once and the owner has not either had the dog destroyed or even voluntarily kept it away from children full stop. Children are more important than dogs. And for the record I am a dog fan. I'm sorry this happened to you OP, it is very upsetting and I hope your DD is not scarred by this. Good thing you have a dog yourself I think so she hopefully won't be.

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