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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How batshit do I need to go?

233 replies

anotherBadAvatar · 26/12/2017 13:54

xmas Day at DM’s house yesterday- me, DH, DD1(3yrs) and DD2(6m).

She has a dog I’m not overly fond of. It’s neurotic, highly strung and not fabulously behaved. We have a dog too, for the record, so I’m not anti-dogs at all.

DD1 got v close to DM’s dog face yesterday, saying “hellooo doggy”, but not touching her, and the dog bit her lip. Not terribly, but there was no warning, and poor DD was understandably hysterical afterwards. I had just told DD1 to leave the dog alone when it happened.

This was not the first time DM’s dog has nipped DD1. The last time, she was about 18m old, when she grabbed the dog’s back to steady herself.

DD1 is used to dogs, and I know I should have kept her away from the dog, especially knowing it’s history, but it all happened so quickly. DM didn’t even offer an apology.

We’re back at home now, would I be U to tell her the children are never to be around her dog again?

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 26/12/2017 23:06

@zooodragon on both occasions the child invaded the f dogs space and syartled/hurt the animal. That is not the dogs fault. That is the fault of the irresponsible parent.

BackInTheRoom · 26/12/2017 23:11

IMO the dog owner is at fault. If the highly strung dog (who had nipped the child before) had been kept away in another room from the child, this would never have happened.

TheNaze73 · 26/12/2017 23:11

You are totally responsible here

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2017 23:41

"If the parent were in my home and couldn't stop the child from hassling my dog, then I'd ask them to leave"

So you would ask your daughter and grandchild to leave rather than put your dog in a separate room. Okaaaaaaay.

hesterton · 26/12/2017 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

altiara · 27/12/2017 00:37

hesterton but if you already know the dog is a danger then as a parent you parent appropriately. It wasn’t as if OP rocked up and found her mum had a bitey dog she didn’t expect.
As a dog owner, I would be vigilant and responsible BUT as a parent KNOWING what the dog was like, I would be putting my child first and physically removing a 3 yr old from that dog. I would not care how stressful the visit was, I’d either protect my DCs or not go.

breadmaker · 27/12/2017 08:49

I am absolutely stunned at the number of people on here who would put the dog before the child! This is clearly a dog who gets stressed and defensive. Not the dogs fault necessarily but definitely the owners responsibility, just as the 3 year old is the parents responsibility. I agree that children should be taught to respect dogs but a busy Christmas environment and a nervy dog is not the situation to do this in and as such both sides should take responsibility and keep the child and dog apart, for everyones sakes. If the dog owner won't be responsible then you have to decide as a parent whether you can take your child there again.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2017 08:55

Just checking back to see how many responsible dog owners have put their heads above the parapet.....still only about 5.

Goldenphoenix · 27/12/2017 08:56

You would be unreasonable to go batshit, you knew the dog was a bit nippy, just one of those unfortunate things. Defo keep them apart in future. I actually think it's harder when you have a dog yourself, we have a soft goldie and my five year old finds it very hard to understand why other dogs aren't ok with being treated like her - she is comfortable with dogs and still finds it hard to understand every dog is different

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2017 09:17

Bertrand the OP isn't responsible for the dog. But is responsible for the child.
As a dog owner I wouldn't let my dog get in this position.
The OP was asking as a parent. As such they're responsible.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2017 09:20

As I said. The parent (s) screwed up. But if you own something potentially dangerous - a dog, a horse,a car, a kitchen knife- you should be prepared for other people to screw up.

Notreallyarsed · 27/12/2017 09:37

Life would be much easier if everyone took responsibility for their own pets/children. I think OP has copped a mouthful on here because she was so adamant none of it was her fault, and solely the fault of the dog owner. If she’d posted saying how gutted she was about her own part in it, and that she felt they were both to blame I reckon it would have gone a very different way.

FrancisCrawford · 27/12/2017 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2017 09:56

If the owner of the dog had posted nobody would say never mind. It's the fault of the parents. But they didn't.

FrancisCrawford · 27/12/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marcine · 27/12/2017 10:02

Everyone screwed up here, didn't they? Dog and child should have been kept separate after the first incident.

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2017 10:06

“Everyone screwed up here, didn't they?“

Yes, but most people do not agree.

CountFosco · 27/12/2017 10:08

If the parent were in my home and couldn't stop the child from hassling my dog, then I'd ask them to leave.

This is the reason dog owners get a bad name. You have a visitor with a young child and you won't put your dog in a different room to prevent the dog from attacking the child? You have a completely skewed sense of priorities if you put the freedom of your dog above the safety of a child.

GreyMorning · 27/12/2017 10:09

You knew the dog isn't child friendly yet you let it mix with your child. Get a stair gate, dog stays in kitchen and children don't.

It's not rocket science. You are as much to blame in this as anyone.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/12/2017 10:49

I find it fascinating that we will mistreat and kill and eat most animals

But a DOG is sacred ! And even if the dog has form for biting kids it must be worshipped

Strange

OP she should keep the dog in another room until your kids know how to ‘behave’ around the creature

TatterdemalionAspie · 27/12/2017 10:56

"If the parent were in my home and couldn't stop the child from hassling my dog, then I'd ask them to leave" So you would ask your daughter and grandchild to leave rather than put your dog in a separate room. Okaaaaaaay.

Bertrand I would happily put the dog outside or in another room for a while, but that wouldn't work for any length of time as after a while she'd start howling/barking, as she has separation anxiety. My dog has no interest in children, so I would expect the parent to prevent the child from hassling the dog, yes - just as I would prevent my dog from hassling a child. Is that crazy? Confused

I spent years training my daughter to observe dogs' body language and not do things that a dog would find threatening, because I wanted to minimise the risk of her ever getting bitten. It's hard work with a toddler/child who loves dogs, but I think it's essential because all animals are capable of hurting a child if they feel threatened. I would hope that if she ever has children, she will train them in the same way, and if she didn't, I'd certainly be training them myself if they were going to be around my animals (not just dogs).

When we had family members visit who had children who were scared of dogs, I arranged it for a day when my partner was around and could take the dog out for the afternoon. Of course I would make an effort to make someone feel comfortable if I'd invited them to my home. I would also expect them to keep their child under control in my home (animals present or not), for their safety and my peace of mind. If that makes me crazy or means my priorities are skewed, then so be it.

TatterdemalionAspie · 27/12/2017 11:12

These threads get so polarised, it's bizarre. Presumably nobody wants a child (or adult) to get bitten, it's a lose-lose situation; the child gets hurt/scared/maimed/even killed, the dog is potentially put down. Many people have dogs and dogs are omnipresent in our society. Rather than 'going batshit' after the event, surely it makes much more sense for every parent to learn a bit about dog body language and stress signals, and teach their child how to treat dogs (and other animals) respectfully, just like they would with any other potential hazard?

I love dogs, but when DD was little, the thought of her getting bitten terrified me, especially because she loved them and would get into their space at any opportunity. If a dog had snapped at her in the past (and had the memory of her having hurt it, thus making it more likely to react defensively to her), then I'd be making bloody sure she didn't get into that situation again. If the MIL wouldn't shut the dog away, either don't take your child there, or watch the child like a hawk. Otherwise it's like blaming the pond when your child falls into it.

IdaDown · 27/12/2017 12:33

As a dog owner of unknown history rescues I would

  • walk dog before guests come. Maybe even short walk during visit.
  • remove dog into another room with it’s bed, chew toy, treat food, water. DAP diffuser, radio on low. Make it a nice treat rather than a punishment for the dog.

If I were visiting a known biter. I would insist on dog being in different room or I wouldn’t visit.

Why risk anything else?

Thebluedog · 27/12/2017 12:37

Batshit? Really?

Yabu keep your kids away from the dog if you know what it’s like. Or do as you say in your op

ParadiseCity · 27/12/2017 12:45

There is a dog in our family which has bitten DH and both my DC (not on my watch!) - it's never bitten me because, guess what, I keep my face out of its reach. It's really easy. The dog just instinctively snaps anyone near it's face, I don't blame it.

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