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Original poster

Angry at friend about abortion and the situation she’s put me in?

322 replies

BornInSydneyy · 26/12/2017 11:07

My friend has had numerous abortions. All with the sane boyfriend .., I’m guessing about 8 at this point.

I try not to judge because I’m very pro choice. But I don’t agree with abortion as a form of contraception .. it’s very conflicting.

She’s now lied to family members that I’ve gone with her to support her during the abortion and I’ve had her family messaging me about it ... this all happened in the space of 10 minutes! ... I’m so angry. I want nothing to do with the lies, aibu?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 10:53

TRIGGER WARNING
Reallytired17, I was that teenager, although I was 13 not 17. I was a victim of SA, and I don't even know who the father was. I didn't realise I was pregnant and then I buried the memory and thought it had all been a dream. My DSis remembers the baby being buried. It was hidden from me, the fact that the baby died and was buried. I do remember that the baby had been born alive, so I'll never know what happened in the meantime.

Later I was infertile and couldn't have another child.

It's very likely that if the pregnancy had been discovered earlier and I'd had a termination it would have been better for me.

I can only speak for myself, about my own experience. No woman should be forced to go through giving birth though.

Reallytired17 · 27/12/2017 10:56

No, they shouldn’t.

But, forgive me, you weren’t ‘that teenager’, unless you are insinuating someone actually did murder your newborn.

My argument is more that - either abortion is murder, in which case it is always going to be wrong - or it is not, in which case, it is never going to be wrong.

I agree it is preferable not to go through it, if only because of reasons of cost and convenience, but if we take the line that it is a life, that it is a baby, then ending it because someone was raped doesn’t make it acceptable.

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 10:58

Yet that’s exactly what people who believe abortion is ‘wrong, unless th girl has been raped’ believe. It’s hypocritical and unpleasant.
How ridiculous. For most ppl it's a lot more complicated than that, not least by taking into account the time since conception ie still a largely unformed embryo or not.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 27/12/2017 11:00

Personally, I don't think there is a number of abortions that is "too many" and I don't have a problem with abortion as contraception. To me, abortions don't have a moral dimension, and since there is nothing wrong with having one abortion, I don't understand what's wrong with having ten. But that's just me and I understand that other people feel differently.)

What the hell^^ do people actually think like this?
Depending on how far along in the pregnancy then it costs up to £2k to get it done privately. I doubt the OPs friend is paying for these and instead getting them on the NHS as she can’t be arsed to use contraception!

I’m not against abortions as you need to do what is right for you but up to 8 is totally disgraceful

itsbetterthanabox · 27/12/2017 11:08

It’s strange she’s said you went with her if you didn’t. Why would she do this? Did he partner not go with her? What does she have to gain with this lie?
If you don’t want to lie don’t but it doesn’t sound like it affects you in anyway really.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/12/2017 11:12

I have no problem with any woman having as many abortions as necessary and I beleive that a woman has the right to terminate a pregnancy for any reason up to the moment of birth.
Because women's bodies belong to women: not their partners, not the state, not idiots with imaginary friends. It's no one else's business how many abortions any individual woman has.

As to the family, I would message back the following 'I am not prepared to discuss this matter with you: do not contact me again.' They have no right to harass you.

As to your friend: you don't give much information as to how close you are or how she feels about repeated terminations. Do you think her situation is a matter of an abusive man who repeatedly impregnates her because he either won't use contraception or wants to keep her pregnant for some other selfish reason? If you think she's a wicked careless irresponsible contraception-refuser, why are you friends with her? Is it possible that all these abortions are in fact because her pregnancies keep producing foetuses with severe health issues that are incompatible with life?

formerbabe · 27/12/2017 11:14

I do wish posters would stop going on about the cost of abortions to the tax payer. I don't know the figures but I'd imagine it's an absolutely miniscule percentage of NHS funds. Barely worth mentioning and I don't believe for a moment that anyone cares about the cost, it's just gives you another angle from which to criticize women.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2017 11:15

I don't think outside the rarefied world of MN most people think that.

I think in the real world most people think abortion is morally questionable but that not permitting legal abortion is worse. It is a fudge but it avoids taking the side of the extremists on either side of the debate.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2017 11:16

My reply was to Peppa

IsaSchmisa · 27/12/2017 11:18

Indeed formerbabe, and it's fucking moronic to presume that not providing these abortions would be cheaper overall anyway.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 11:19

Yes, I obviously wasn't the teenager that was raped in your scenario, I'm saying it would have been better for me if I had been.

I would never have forced either teenager to go through what I went through, ie given birth, that's what I mean. Hence they should be able to make that decision for themselves.

And no, I'm not insinuating that someone murdered my newborn, probably it just wasn't viable. I don't know, I was a kid at the time.

Topaz89 · 27/12/2017 11:20

I believe life starts when the heart starts beating. I recently had an abortion at 8 weeks and now I am overcome with so much grief and guilt that it is ruining me. I cannot go about my life properly anymore.

I really don't know what came over me in those few weeks that I was pregnant. I was in a trance, a daze, a panic. I didn't reach out for help like I should have done. So much so that I forgot about all of my beliefs. I felt relief when I left the clinic, but just 12 hours later I was a wreck because it finally hit me what I had done. I killed my baby. Now there is no going back and no putting it right.

It just doesn't feel real.

Flutterbyeee · 27/12/2017 11:25

Why agree to support then slate her on a social media platform?

AccrualIntentions · 27/12/2017 11:35

If a friend of mine had 8 abortions within one relationship I would be extremely worried about her physical and mental health and life/relationship choices - and pretty upset to be described as supporting them.

8 abortions must surely take a toll on a woman's body.

BabsCabsIsLocal · 27/12/2017 11:37

Flowers Topaz

YellowFlower201 · 27/12/2017 11:41

Topaz Thanks and a big hug. Please speak to someone about how you feel. A counsellor if that is preferred.

Elendon · 27/12/2017 11:43

Why is abortion a 'serious' issue OP?

You are guessing she's had 8 at this stage with the same boyfriend. Why are you not questioning the relationship she is having with this man? He's presumably ok with the method of contraception in his relationship.

Abortion is a medical procedure to stop a pregnancy from progressing. No one is getting butchered in the process. However, I would be wondering why my good friend is in such a vile sounding relationship.

Elendon · 27/12/2017 11:46

Remember, if your friend had no access to abortion, as many women don't in this world, she would be having forced pregnancies and many children. Her partner needs to man up and use proper contraception.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 27/12/2017 12:14

Abortion is a medical procedure to stop a pregnancy from progressing. No one is getting butchered in the process.

Hmm except for the baby.

reallytired I'm someone who believes it's always wrong and the same as killing a baby, but I still wouldn't advocate banning it - each woman should be free to choose for herself.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/12/2017 12:21

Flowers @Topaz.
Please reach out for some real life support. x

Elendon · 27/12/2017 12:26

It's not a baby though Hmm and neither is it butchered.

You wouldn't advocate banning it? Well you are through your judgemental posts which leaves little 'choice'.

Mumof56 · 27/12/2017 12:34

@Elendon
It's not a baby though

It's interesting that you didn't correct topaz when she refeared to a baby Hmm

ReanimatedSGB · 27/12/2017 12:34

Op's fucked off. Probably an imaginary 'friend' and someone's filling in time between Xmas and NE by poking the internet with a stick.

Reallytired17 · 27/12/2017 12:35

People can believe what they like. They can believe it is a baby and akin to murder, or they can believe it’s another way of managing your fertility, as I do.

What I do object to as I have said is the belief that abortion is acceptable under some circumstances and not others.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2017 12:36

I did wonder whether the story was genuine. It seemed a little far-fetched to say the least. But the debate has been a good one whether the OP is genuine or not.

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