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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Angry at friend about abortion and the situation she’s put me in?

322 replies

BornInSydneyy · 26/12/2017 11:07

My friend has had numerous abortions. All with the sane boyfriend .., I’m guessing about 8 at this point.

I try not to judge because I’m very pro choice. But I don’t agree with abortion as a form of contraception .. it’s very conflicting.

She’s now lied to family members that I’ve gone with her to support her during the abortion and I’ve had her family messaging me about it ... this all happened in the space of 10 minutes! ... I’m so angry. I want nothing to do with the lies, aibu?

OP posts:

Reallytired17 · 26/12/2017 14:26

You missed the “don’t” from that sentence.

Put simply, if you have a moral objection to abortion and you have an unplanned pregnancy, you don’t have to have one.

I am pregnant. I am sick as a dog. I was desperate to terminate actually but H wanted a baby. I am still sick as a dog. I am hating ever second and this is for a (sort of) planned baby. It would be a cold day in hell before I would put myself through this for the tenacity for having had sex.

TheRottweiler · 26/12/2017 14:30

Really

Then you should have used contraception....or took the after morning pill.

Your pregnancy is your choice after all.

Reallytired17 · 26/12/2017 14:33

Exactly. So sickness, exhaustion and so on is a punishment for not taking contraception. Being Irresponsible. Nothing to do with the welfare of babies - because babies born to women who don’t want them don’t tend to fare too well - but everything to do with punishing the woman, and that’s the problem I have with pro lifers.

NotACleverName · 26/12/2017 14:39

She should be sterilised.

Moanaohnana · 26/12/2017 14:41

I wouldn't have anything to do with this awful person.

etap · 26/12/2017 14:43

Bit harsh on the OP

formerbabe · 26/12/2017 14:46

But I definitely resent my contributions to the NHS being used to give females countless abortions simply because they bloody want one

It is clear what kind of person you are by your use of the word 'females'. I think the word you are looking for is women.

GinSoddenWhore · 26/12/2017 14:47

But I definitely resent my contributions to the NHS being used to give females countless abortions simply because they bloody want one

Do you resent the cost to the taxpayer if a "female" decides to have 3, 4, 5 or more children? Or is it just "females" choosing to terminate pregnancies that you resent?

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 26/12/2017 14:47

But I definitely resent my contributions to the NHS being used to give females countless abortions simply because they bloody want one.

Cheaper than the alternative. In order to have as many healthy, productive citizens as possible, we have antenatal care, safer childbirth, well baby clinics, health visitors, GP check-ups, paediatricians, dental treatment, infant vaccination and free education from 5-18. That all costs.

The investment is worth it, but it's much cheaper to facilitate a woman's wish not to have a baby in the first place.

formerbabe · 26/12/2017 14:49

The use of the word 'female' is so telling. Those who use it generally seem to think it makes them sound more intelligent. It actually just makes them sound like a misogynist.

swingofthings · 26/12/2017 14:51

it would cost a lot more for taxpayers to pay for the child, swing
And that is the reason why the NHS pays for one and not the other, however, that doesn't make it ok to abuse the system just because you can.

I agree with the posters who said they couldn't be friends with someone like that. Neither would I because I couldn't respect such person. Again, not because of their choice to have an abortion in the first place, but for not giving a s.... that it is costing tax payers when there were so many ways to prevent it happening in the first place. Not the type of people I would want to associate with.

grannytomine · 26/12/2017 14:52

Well it's far cheaper than ante natal care on the NHS, cost of the delivery, child benefit for 18 years, state education, health care throughout the child's life, tax credits etc etc. She wouldn't have to have 8 children though. Contraception is free and pretty reliable.

Also at the end of the 18 years we would hopefully have a young person ready to join the workforce and be a productive member of society. Not saying people should have babies for that reason but if you are going to analyse cost v benefit you have to look at the whole picture.

OP do you think she has really had 8 abortions? If she is lying about you supporting her maybe the whole thing is lies and that would indicate some sort of MH problem.

IsaSchmisa · 26/12/2017 14:58

To say that it is ok to have 10 abortions that is the cost of one IVF cycle at the least, potentially up to 10 is a complete insult to those who can't have kids.

No it isn't.

GinSoddenWhore · 26/12/2017 15:00

Exactly formerbabe. You can guarantee you're going to read a load of misogynistic tripe when you see the word female in a post.

NorthernLurker · 26/12/2017 15:07

Well what a nice lot of fuss the op has stirred up with one post. I am less than convinced the friend exists, let alone has had eight abortions.

Lizzie48 · 26/12/2017 15:08

Yes actually, grannytomine has a point there. The OP hasn't been to the hospital with her friend so she doesn't even know all the terminations happened at all. If the friend has MH problems that could be a way of getting some attention.

Certainly 8 abortions does sound quite unlikely, especially with the same boyfriend.

swingofthings · 26/12/2017 15:15

No it isn't
Yes it is when funds go to people who are given free alternative ways to prevent the cost in the first place (even morning after pill), yet can't go to people who are childless through no fault of theirs.

Of course, let's not even talk about how it is taking funds away people with horrible illnesses.

Tired of people who use a free system just because it's available when they can prevent it, and yes, unfortunately, although 8 is an extreme number, women who have 4 or 5 abortions in their life time are not that rare.

isadoradancing123 · 26/12/2017 15:28

I am very pro choice but I think having eight terminations for social reasons is totally unacceptable

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/12/2017 15:52

I agree with @lalliella apart from the judging bit - I'm pro choice and would never advocate restricting abortion as that just leads to desperate, damaged women either from back street terminations or from having to go through with a desperately unwanted pregnancy. However, to me (I.e. this is just my opinion) it's still ending a life - it's the mother's choice but equally it's on her conscience. Only she (and no-one else) can judge whether her reason was sound enough to justify denying that child a life.

Attacking posters for having an opinion is not on, everyone is entitled to one.

NorthernLurker · 26/12/2017 16:01

Don't debate abortion on demand on this thread, that's exactly what the op wants you to do.

formerbabe · 26/12/2017 16:11

Of course, let's not even talk about how it is taking funds away people with horrible illnesses.

It really isn't. Dont be so ridiculous.

I for one am perfectly happy for my taxes to pay for women to have abortions if they want one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2017 16:24

Why do people use the word, 'females'? I mean it is useful as an arsehole detector. Is it because it's dehumanizing?

formerbabe · 26/12/2017 16:27

Why do people use the word, 'females'? I mean it is useful as an arsehole detector. Is it because it's dehumanizing?

Yes I think so. A female could be of any species couldn't it...whereas a woman is a human female. I've even heard other women use it. I honestly think some people think it makes them sound cleverer...like, oh look at me, I know a more technical word. It's bullshit obviously.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/12/2017 16:27

What are her family texting you to do or say?

BabsCabsIsLocal · 26/12/2017 17:04

ReallyTired Actually Caledonian said she didn't agree with abortion as a form of contraception, whilst still understanding the need for it overall.

I agree with her, it's not a decision to be taken lightly, whilst still often being the right decision. Having 8 abortions indicates either taking it lightly OR (imo more likely) that something is wrong like being raped repeatedly. I don't understand why people are so determined to see abortion from opposing extremes only.

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