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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sons girlfriends at Christmas..

170 replies

CrabappleCake · 26/12/2017 10:14

Had a houseful yesterday. Including for the first time both my dh boys’ girlfriends. Both boys in their 20s.

One girlfriend has been going out with him for about six months, bough a couple of nice little gifts and a bottle of wine. The other bought nothing, known her for three years. She guzzled the wine and the food and I’m not sure she even said thank you. wIBU not to invite her again?

OP posts:
MsJolly · 26/12/2017 10:16

You're not unreasonable to think she was a very rude guest but am not sure never inviting her again will help relationships with your son or her...

Blackteadrinker77 · 26/12/2017 10:16

I'd invite her but tell her she is to bring a dessert and a bottle of wine for the table.

Slartybartfast · 26/12/2017 10:18

wait and see til next christmas surely.

WhatHappensInVagas411 · 26/12/2017 10:18

I think YABU. I don't believe you should expect something from someone if you've offered to host or invite people over. Anway, should the GF be responsible for bringinga gift? Id your son incapable or something? Hmm

AnyFucker · 26/12/2017 10:20

What contributions did your sons make ?

PNGirl · 26/12/2017 10:20

Rude. I brought a box of beer and 2 bottles of red plus presents to my own parents house.

AnyFucker · 26/12/2017 10:20

Did they "guzzle" stuff too ?

Hiphopopotamus · 26/12/2017 10:21

Did your sons bring anything?

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 26/12/2017 10:21

I'd invite her but tell her she is to bring a dessert and a bottle of wine for the table

Agree with this. Different families may have different expectations. If you would like her to contribute, perhaps best to be polite and direct about it

user1493413286 · 26/12/2017 10:21

I suppose it depends on whether when your son goes to her family he’s expected to bring anything. In some families there isn’t that expectation from partners and also if she hasn’t grown up with her parents doing that she may not have realised.
Maybe if you invite her again ask her to bring a pudding or something specific.

Hiphopopotamus · 26/12/2017 10:21

If not I wouldn’t invite them again

Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeponworking · 26/12/2017 10:22

I think you've also got to bear in mind that within that person's family they may not have had opportunities/occasions where they went round for dinner and so they don't actually know that this is what you do - bring something with you although I also agree that if you invite someone over to feed and give them stuff to drink, you shouldn't necessarily expect anything.

But in lieu of that, did she jump up and help with the tidying up, washing up or offer to help in any way? She may just not have come out of the teenager bubble where these things happen miraculously all on their own! I wouldn't not invite her, I'd just say that if she's coming would she mind please bringing x y or z OR whilst she was there I'd ask her ooo so and so, can you help me with the tidying up please? I think uninviting is a bit extreme, she didn't get pissed and punch granny out cold (did she?! Shock) - for me it would have to be something pretty outrageous to say you're never coming again.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/12/2017 10:22

From a newish boyfriend /girlfriend a small gift For hosting would be good manners...

A bare minimum of effusive thanks is definitely demabded

SouthySa · 26/12/2017 10:22

At that age it’s not unusual to be a bit socially inept. It’s not like a 30/40 year old turning up with nothing.

Waitingonasmile · 26/12/2017 10:23

This infuriated me!!!! Surely as a couple they would have jointly brought food/alcohol/a gift? Why is it always the females responsibility to provide things in these situations? Sons can of course do no wrong in the eyes of some mothers.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 26/12/2017 10:23

They sound very young to be honest and maybe inexperienced in terms of equitte. Is she a student by any chance? When I was a student I didn’t get my boyfriends parents Christmas pressured because I could just barely afford to by my own family. Surely you get the alcohol there to share with everyone.

mammmamia · 26/12/2017 10:24

I wouldn't go to someone's house without taking a gift but it doesn't sound as though you like her much anyway...

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 26/12/2017 10:26

Did the son bring anything? As they've been together for a few years they may see gifts and food as coming from both of them. After a few years of dating and cohabiting with my now DH all presents came from both of us and we'd bring a bottle or whatever from both of us. When our relationship was fairly new we did these things seperately.

Theresnonamesleft · 26/12/2017 10:27

Why is it all down to her? Your son is more than capable of buying things from the shop and wrapping them.

kirinm · 26/12/2017 10:28

Sounds as if you don't like her OP. And also like you watched what she ate and drank so she was possibly uncomfortable!

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2017 10:30

Yeah she should have brought some gifts and some wine as she was there for lunch

Is she quite young? Maybe not brought up to do this by her parents

thethoughtfox · 26/12/2017 10:31

Be careful: she could be the gatekeeper to your son's future children

Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckingHateHappy · 26/12/2017 10:32

Nope you can't do that... have a rant with you OH about her but you can't not invite her

Your son should have got something on her behalf by the way, he knows she you better, he must have imagined you would be upset so there you go...