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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sons girlfriends at Christmas..

170 replies

CrabappleCake · 26/12/2017 10:14

Had a houseful yesterday. Including for the first time both my dh boys’ girlfriends. Both boys in their 20s.

One girlfriend has been going out with him for about six months, bough a couple of nice little gifts and a bottle of wine. The other bought nothing, known her for three years. She guzzled the wine and the food and I’m not sure she even said thank you. wIBU not to invite her again?

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2017 16:16

millymae · 26/12/2017 16:45

I haven't read all 7 pages but the lack of so much as a thank you would be the thing that would bother me the most.
Those two little words, said with meaning cost nothing to say and by the time you are old enough to have a boyfriend upbringing and lack of money can be no excuse for not recognising the kindness of others and saying thank you.

TatianaLarina · 26/12/2017 17:01

I would consider it to be very ill-mannered to treat an established partner as not being part of the family just because the couple had chosen not to marry. You know, what with it being 2017 and all...

Missing the point again.

As I said - it’s perfectly possible for any couple to give a joint present, in which case the OP would have mentioned it as she mentioned the gifts from the other gf.

There were no joint or individual gift Christmas and no gift for the host. That’s why the OP was nonplussed.

JaffaCakes4TeaNow · 26/12/2017 17:29

Why do people talk about women like they're destined to become possessive harridans?

Yes. People do this a lot. Could there be a reason why ?

runningoutofjuice · 26/12/2017 17:31

Can't stop giggling over the image of gf taking the turkey upstairs and refusing to share

runningoutofjuice · 26/12/2017 17:38

Re the gift of a £1 box of Malteasers as acceptable, the op would have been the same.

'Son's gf of 6 months brings me gold, frankincense and myrrh and other gf of 3 years brings me Malteasers. AIBU to never invite the ungrateful fucker again?' Gf of 3 years will never be good enough.

FeistyColl · 26/12/2017 17:42

How are you so certain of what the OP means Tatiana? By your logic, the only person to bring a gift was the girlfriend of 6 months because that is the only present the OP has mentioned.

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 26/12/2017 17:42

I am just realising that the generational difference is huge. I have had my daughter's boyfriend for Christmas. He didn't bring anything, doesn't really speak to us, doesn't look up from his phone when i walk in the room, no good morning. He is a nice chap but doesn't seem to have any manners. Doesn't offer to wash up. clear the table. I have told them both they are cooking dinner tonight, which they have done.

My sons' girlfriend is coming for NY. She was invited on holiday with us last year. There was quite a lot of rude behaviour from her as well. I just think there is an attitude of entitlement and a lack of manners these days. Phones and the internet mean that there is a lot of staring a phones and going off to watch Netflix in their rooms. We feel like we are running a B and B. It's exhausting and lonely.

PaintingByNumbers · 26/12/2017 17:51

If my son didnt bring me a present, why would I blame his wife for that??
A three year relationship, just because they didnt marry, same difference
Unless it really is 1950

ZanyMobster · 26/12/2017 17:59

I am in my 30s and would always take whatever I'm drinking plus a gift for the host. When I was younger i am not sure would face thought to.

My SIL is in her 50s and been to us for 7 years for Xmas day and never once has she brought a gift for us as hosts, she contributes financially to the food as we host every year (although I pay for the extras such as bubbly, crackers, Baileys etc) but I just can't imagine not taking a gift for someone who had actually put the effort in of hosting, cooking etc. Some people are just different I guess.

KC225 · 26/12/2017 18:17

I agree with the others, point out to YOUR SON that if he is bringing a guest home then its polite to contribute something. If only to ensure he doesn't turn up her parents empty handed and guzzle all their stuff. Hopefully, it will filter through to the girlfriend.

Gemini69 · 26/12/2017 18:21

one girlfriend has very nice manners....

sadly the other girlfriend does not ...

Chchchchangeabout · 26/12/2017 18:43

I think she won't have realised. Just ask nicely next time.

flowery · 26/12/2017 19:47

”Missing the point again. ”

You are the one who said the fact that I’m married to my DH is the reason our gifts are joint. Nothing wrong with my reading comprehension thanks.

TatianaLarina · 27/12/2017 11:45

Cantuccit · 27/12/2017 12:04

More bloody wifework.

DH chooses hosting gifts for his mum and BIL and his wife. He also buys all presents for his side (he finds out what they want and researches). And all gifts for nieces and nephews. He then tells them all that I chose everything (!)

I have no real interest in choosing presents and don't get involved. If his mum and BIL and his wife got annoyed with me for not bringing anything, I would not be impressed.

OP, it's your DSSs that you need to be annoyed with if they didn't bring anything. And possibly your DH if he did fuck all on the day?

FluffyWuffy100 · 27/12/2017 12:51

This is so british.

Other (more hospitable) cultures would be so pleased the GF appeared to enjoy your food and drink!

flowery · 27/12/2017 13:04

”“

Yes. I’m definitely the one lacking manners, you’re so right.

greeeen · 27/12/2017 13:20

What did your son bring? If he brought something she probably assumed it would be from both of them.
If he showed up empty handed then she probably took her lead from him.
Either way it was at worst a little thoughtless and I think you are being over the top.

SandAndSea · 27/12/2017 13:29

I think it can be really hard for an in-law to get this sort of thing right. She might well have asked her partner in advance whether to bring anything and he might have told her not to worry. (I'm clutching at straws a bit but some young men are crap at this sort of thing - my dp is and he's not even young anymore. That said, I would have taken something anyway, but hey-ho!)

Next time, speak to the son well in advance and tell him what to bring - wine, dessert, cheese board, whatever. They clearly need some guidance and it will prevent years of unhappiness if you make it clear asap.

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