Sons girlfriends at Christmas..

[CrabappleCake]

Had a houseful yesterday. Including for the first time both my dh boys’ girlfriends. Both boys in their 20s.

One girlfriend has been going out with him for about six months, bough a couple of nice little gifts and a bottle of wine. The other bought nothing, known her for three years. She guzzled the wine and the food and I’m not sure she even said thank you. wIBU not to invite her again?

Why is it her responsibility? Surely if the couple didn’t bring anything it’s your DH’s son you should be at, rather than her?!

Depends if you love your son. But how come it’s all down to her? Your son is capable I’m assuming in going out to buy things? Yes she probably should have said thank you. This is the problem with wifework when other women expect women to do it. And shoves us into certain gender roles.

Or is it your step son? Even so he’s still capable of going to a shop right?! Or do you assume it’s a woman’s job?

I’m intrigued about her table manners though, if she was “guzzling” food and wine whilst everyone else was presumably eating and drinking it...

Of corse I’m not going to uninvite her really, just having a mild post Christmas whinge. And everyone guzzled!

I like her, she’s good for him.

And yes she’s quite young. As someone said It is different from a 30/40 year old doing it.

Don’t see her very often as she doesn’t live near us. And she might have been missing seeing her family at Christmas who probably do stuff differently.

She 'guzzled' because OP isn't keen on her.

Your sons - tell them what you want them to bring. I come to my in-laws for Christmas, and I will always bring something, but we ask what we can contribute. If you want them to bring something (not just her, they’ve been together years!), then tell them. Why didn’t your son think to bring anything? Maybe don’t invite him back. (I don’t mean this. I mean, it’s not a big deal. Just tell people what you expect).

I like how you've ignored everyone asking you why it's the GFs responsibility OP!

Sorry x posted - you do like her you say. Normally when someone describes behaviour with a negative spin it's because they're not fond.

Anyway, what did her boyfriend, your stepson bring?

Maybe your dss said oh you don't need to bring anything, they won't expect that. Or as said possibly brought up in a home that didn't see those things as important. Its not a big deal. He obviously likes her and if they are together 3 years it was really up to him. Maybe she is an independent woman who says its your family you bring the gifts!
Don't write her off for goodness sake. Its not worth even thinking about.

That's not what I meant at all. If the op stops inviting her to their family meals, it could problems in their future relationship and there may well be grandchildren. If this woman isn't invited, any children may not be coming either. A fractured relationship with this woman could naturally have consequences.

She didn't come armed with gifts and wine, is that your problem?

Perhaps she was skint, or perhaps she's not used to spending Christmas away from home, so just didn't think

As for the 'guzzling', what does that actually mean?

And if according to you, you all 'guzzled', why have you singled her out?

what did your son bring as a host gift?

Is your son incapable of buying gifts for his own family? Why is it her responsibility?

What did your son bring?
If everyone guzzled why single her out?
Did you ask her to bring anything

It is the difference between manners and being brought up properly. Sadly some people haven't but you could use it as an opportunity to shown her.

Drop into the conversation a few times about how wonderful 'Meghan' is, how she unexpectedly brought the gifts and how much you appreciated them. Hopefully the penny will drop!

Yes I was thinking an age thing. It’s not until you start hosting Christmas that you realise how tiring and expensive it is. Did the boys bring anything?

Loving the AIBU u-turn.

You can almost hear the tyres sceeeching.

But yes, do tell, what did her boyfriend provide?,

God really Kath - PA snidey comments are the way forward?! Shaming on the sly?

I don't think excluding her in future years is a good move, but she was rude not to bring anything imo. I always bring a gift for hosts, though usually not consumable like wine or chocolate, and I will write a nice thank you card at a bare minimum. I'm only in my early twenties and have done this since I was a teenager, I don't think youth is an excuse for poor manners.

Yes, it is a manners thing Kath.

Odd that the OP seems to have brought up her 2 sons quite differently. One who when he brings his partner brings something, and the other who doesn't. Funny old world.

Surely if you don't invite her again your DH's son , her partner, won't come either ?

That may not go down well with your DH.

That isn't mannerly at all, KathArtic, that is rude. Either be a gracious host or don't be one at all.

How old is she?

Perhaps if she's only ever been at home, or with family it just didn't occur to her.

Next year if they're with you not her family I'd tell her to bring a bottle/starter.

Of course it's rude to turn up to someone's home when they are hosting you empty handed! I can't believe some people think otherwise. Even a box of chocolates is better than nothing.