To think it’s time to break up with OH?

[Indigo911]

Been with OH a year. We don’t live together and are both early 30s. No kids.
There have also been a lot of red flags throughout our relationship and I think I’m finally done.
Some examples - he has split up with me multiple times and is often very hot and cold. He admitted one of the reasons he kept getting cold feet was because I’m overweight (I’m a size 12-14 and I’m tall so I only look very slightly overweight). He seems to have a real issue with anyone overweight and makes horrible remarks about people on tv etc.
I had a brain MRI last week because of possible MS and he took me to the appointment. I was clearly incredibly anxious beforehand and he didn’t try and comfort me at all or offer any sort of support/sympathy.
Afterwards we were meant to go out for lunch and to the cinema as something nice for me to get my mind off things. He decided he was too tired and just wanted to lie in bed at mine all day and watch TV in a foul mood.
Today on Xmas day I’ve had two brief texts from him all day even though I know he’s just sitting at his dad’s doing nothing. He got me a crap gift too with no thought put into it.
Reading this back I have no idea why I’ve been putting up with it all. I always thought I was a strong, independent person who never put up with any shit. My self esteem has taken a real knock and I guess I’m at that age where I want to settle down so maybe I’m clinging onto the ‘what ifs’ and hope I can change him.
We are due to spend New Years together and I’m going to tell him I don’t want to. Enough is enough

Also the fact he is treating you like this after only a year together is pretty shocking... at least it took my STBXH 10 years.

Get rid. Your life will improve. No question.

Oh my God, just bin him off. Being single forever would be better than being with him. C'mon, you can do it. You don't sound as if you ever like him let alone love him from your posts. New year, new start.

I'm looking forward to your update when you tell him to take his shite elsewhere. He obviously thinks he has you round his little finger, he won't see it coming!

Indigo, I might be very immature but I'd be tempted to tell him he's too skinny and you've gone off him.

A man like that, you could tell him that he's too self-absorbed, too selfish, he doesn't value you and it'd all be true but all he'll absorb is ''drama'' ''this is boring now'' and ''demands are being made of ME and I feel very uncomfortable, so that is Indigo being horrible''

The only way to get through to these jackasses is to say something blunt like ''I thought such a skinny bloke would be more grateful to be with me, I have better options, Happy New Year, bye''.

If you have kids with a man like this, you'll have 100% of the responsibility, 0% respect from him, if you try to redress that balance wrt to financial sacrifices and responsibility being nearly all yours he'll roll his eyes, you'll be boring him, with your drama, and, there are skinny 25 year olds over his shoulder so no, he can't mind his own child! Which will leave you with no freedom to meet somebody else.

Which comedian said ''marry a man who'd make a good ex husband''

Is that ever true.

Good call OP, he's horrible and will just bring you down more if you stay with him.

Yes, I'm looking forward to your update as well!

The World is your

It’s like he has a split personality. He’s either incredibly moody and negative about everything, or he’s hyper and childish. Doing things like tickling me all the time and chasing me around the house. I just want a normal partner who doesn’t have such massive swings in his moods

You should’ve dumped him as soon as he mentioned weight and marriage in the same sentence!! It was never going to get any better!
Happy 2018 OP - good luck with the scan results and enjoying life 🙂

I never post on threads looking for advice on breakups etc but def get rid of this loser.

If he doesn’t make you feel fantastic a year in, he definitely won’t when you are married or whatever 10 years in with dc.

I also have autoimmune disease and believe me you need a very patient and kind supportive oh to cope with it.

A man who puts a proviso on getting married is not the man you’d want to be married to. Ill health can have such a knock on effect on things especially confidence but trust me you are worth so much more even if you can’t see it right now. End it now before he knocks your confidence further and then dumps you because of it. He doesn’t deserve you now or ever.

You'll never meet anyone who will cherish you while you're with this waste of space.

Without wanting to sound dismissive (and I did read all your post) your first sentence is reason enough no not be with him.
I agree with other posters, leave now. Start a fresh.
I can confirm (after 8 years of marriage, and two children) that being with the wrong person through the challenges that having children brings would be so so difficult. I don’t think anyone’s perfect, but don’t settle for someone who really is not going to be throwing themselves into your relationship 100%, and certainly not someone like you’ve current partner.

Make this year all about you. Get out there, meet people and find things that you enjoy. Life really is too short to waste on people that don't value you.

Jesus, for Christ’s sake dump his sorry arse! That’s ten stone of lard gone right there. What a shallow, awful child.

Even îf you didn't want to get married, in your thirties, the ideal settle-down partner is one you trust to be there ' in sickness and in health'. He's given you fair warning that he won't even try to be supportive, so for me he'd be an ex

He is ugly inside. Get shut of him.

I've been with my fella about the same amount of time you've been seeing this idiot. In this time, we've dealt with a pregnancy loss, me having two rounds of surgery and getting a diagnosis of being permanently physically disabled. And a bipolar diagnosis too- all while seeing me be a lone parent to my two dc, one born 18months ago. You know what he's done? Been there. Supported me. Made me feel like the most important person alive and absolutely adored. Don't get me wrong, stuff has taken its toll on him, he's no angel nor is he some kind of weird type that takes all this on without clearly thinking through and having moments of doubt. But he's a grown up, able to be mature enough to be stupid with me at times but also know when the stupid stops.
Your 'man' doesn't sound like he's up to much. He sounds like an immature prick and quite frankly, I'm in the same size clothing as you and it's not fat. He's an absolute deluded fucking twat for saying or thinking it. How horrible to make you feel or even attempting to make you feel less than amazing for being who you are. I'll tell you now, you need to ditch the prick because you're worth a bloody million of him.
Fuming for you, can you tell??

Send him a message.

Dear soon to be ex.

For Christmas I've received a special torch. It shines a light on the bullshit that you've been spouting. You're dumped.

You can't be with a man who's so cruel about your weight. He sounds so unkind.

I used to walk around the house naked in front of my ex all the time. Even getting undressed in the dark in front of my OH makes me feel anxious. Says it all really doesn’t it??

Anyone who pretends that your weight is important is just using an easy way to control - this is no part of love and nothing to do with marriage (unless health is threatened of course).

Sounds extremely immature altogether, and unlikely to change. Have a good year in 2018.

Not good at all. Good luck, you deserve better than this.

No that's not great is it? Good luck, you deserve more!

Whoops, IT gremlins at work ☺️