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Original poster

To think it’s time to break up with OH?

250 replies

Indigo911 · 25/12/2017 20:54

Been with OH a year. We don’t live together and are both early 30s. No kids.
There have also been a lot of red flags throughout our relationship and I think I’m finally done.
Some examples - he has split up with me multiple times and is often very hot and cold. He admitted one of the reasons he kept getting cold feet was because I’m overweight (I’m a size 12-14 and I’m tall so I only look very slightly overweight). He seems to have a real issue with anyone overweight and makes horrible remarks about people on tv etc.
I had a brain MRI last week because of possible MS and he took me to the appointment. I was clearly incredibly anxious beforehand and he didn’t try and comfort me at all or offer any sort of support/sympathy.
Afterwards we were meant to go out for lunch and to the cinema as something nice for me to get my mind off things. He decided he was too tired and just wanted to lie in bed at mine all day and watch TV in a foul mood.
Today on Xmas day I’ve had two brief texts from him all day even though I know he’s just sitting at his dad’s doing nothing. He got me a crap gift too with no thought put into it.
Reading this back I have no idea why I’ve been putting up with it all. I always thought I was a strong, independent person who never put up with any shit. My self esteem has taken a real knock and I guess I’m at that age where I want to settle down so maybe I’m clinging onto the ‘what ifs’ and hope I can change him.
We are due to spend New Years together and I’m going to tell him I don’t want to. Enough is enough

OP posts:
RaspberryOverdidTheMulledWine · 26/12/2017 00:35

Dumping him seems to be the right thing to do.

I left someone after 3 decades together. I spent much of that time being constantly worn down by nasty comments about my weight. I'm a stress eater and the negativity made it worse and the viscous circle continued. I'm way overweight now, when I met him I was at the top end of a healthy weight but still attractive.

I've got a lot to lose now but already I feel my self esteem rising. And have started getting compliments. People have already noticed a change just in the short time I've been single.

So, it's not you, it's him. Hope 2018 is a better year for you.

Lucylululu · 26/12/2017 00:42

DUMP HIM!

mistyweather · 26/12/2017 00:43

dump

Motoko · 26/12/2017 01:02

When you tell him, just imagine us all standing behind you, cheering you on, giving you support.

You deserve a decent man, not this piece of shit.

INeedToEat · 26/12/2017 01:18

Indigo - He sounds awful ! Get rid.

In a side note, I've been told via an MRI that I have probable MS and am currently waiting further tests. If you want to chat please feel free to private message me.

Reflexella · 26/12/2017 01:34

Urgh he sounds dreadful. Another vote to dump and find someone worthy of your loveliness x

Tantpoke · 26/12/2017 01:41

He's a pig who won't change and if you don't leave him asap you will delay your chance of future happiness. And don't go back.

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2017 01:44

"Having a baby with him fills me with utter dread as he would no doubt have serious issues with me gaining any weight. Plus i’d Have to put up with his constant hot and cold behaviour day in day out. It is draining the life out of me."

" But then he just goes back to being horrible and making me feel insecure about myself. He says things like “when you lose some weight and get a body like a Victoria Secret Model i’ll Ask you to marry me”. He does it in a jokey way but I still feel incredibly hurt and upset. Think I’ve been clinging onto him too because of the health problems and having a shitty year. I’ve been a fool.

Not a fool, just misguided. He won't be there for you in illness or in health if he thinks you are fat and he thinks he is too good for you.

Just dump him.

Ceebs85 · 26/12/2017 01:50

Eugh what did you ever see in him?

Looking forward to your update tomorrow. Grin

stopgap · 26/12/2017 02:21

Bye, boy.

chatwoo · 26/12/2017 02:46

Ditch him. If he can't deal with your size (you're not even remotely large or overweight at BMI of 26 or size 12-14!), I can't even start to imagine what terrible role model he would be to any child of yours. Horrible superficial attitude.

Start 2018 afresh :)

Bubbaleo · 26/12/2017 02:52

Another vote here for get rid, you can do do much better. Good luck and don't let him talk you round. I'd have done it by text. Have some of this Cake and enjoy it. Hope you get health issue sorted.

Gaudeamus · 26/12/2017 03:36

He sounds utterly foul - thank God you can walk away.

I promise, being single is a billion times less shit than ending up permanently tied up with an ugly-minded bully who'll grind your self-esteem into the ground and then despise you for letting it happen.

I'll be hoping the best for your scan results and for a new year of possibilities for you.

MistressDeeCee · 26/12/2017 04:14

A joysucking, pain in the arse. I'd have been bored shitless within a month. Get rid, then go out NYE and have a blast OP. Honestly he's not even worth the analysing. There's better out there, no need to scrape the barrel. Good luck with scan results.

AstridWhite · 26/12/2017 04:46

We are due to spend New Years together and I’m going to tell him I don’t want to. Enough is enough

Good on you. Please, please, please make sure you go ahead with this plan.

On the weight thing, first of all, if you are a tall 12-14 then you really aren't overweight at all and probably well within the 'normal' range. If he wants a size 8 girlfriend then let him go ahead and get himself one. He obviously found you attractive enough to become involved with you in the first place, so one of two things is happening here:

  1. he gets perverse pleasure out of denting your self esteem and making you feel crap about yourself, even though he doesn't find you unattractive at all, or

  2. he's one of those men who feels entitled to have a perfect, skinny model-type woman on his arm but he ain't all that himself, so can't actually attract the sort of women he feels entitled to. So he has to make do with what he can get, (don't we all) and feels incredibly bitter about it.

Either way he sounds like a nasty cunt. I hope you have a lovely New Year having great fun looking for a someone who appreciates you. Flowers

Tinkie25 · 26/12/2017 06:15

You’re worth so much more.

Don’t let him talk you around. Stay strong.

NotSupposedtobeHere · 26/12/2017 06:16

He sounds awful and you sound lovely. You’re not a fool - just dump him. Tell him he’s too skinny for you.

And good luck with your health matters. I hope the medicos get to the bottom of things Flowers

NotAChristmasCakePop · 26/12/2017 06:42

Good luck for today sweetheart, you can do it!

Allthetuppences · 26/12/2017 06:49

Oh yes, do. You deserve more respect attention and support. He's not good enough for a long term committment. You could be doing so much more for you! Best wishes for the scan results. Keep yourself busy i imagine without his negativity that you'll feel a new lease of life.

liquidrevolution · 26/12/2017 07:55

Have all his boxes and stuff ready by the door. Cheerfully help to load in car then dump his awful arse.

You are worth so much more. Flowers

bendywindy · 26/12/2017 07:59

enjoy the next stage of your life without this twat! do not be afraid Thanks

Thirdshepherdfromtheleft · 26/12/2017 08:04

Op I was with somebody for two years who had issues with my weight, I was criticised and taunted daily despite being pregnant then having a premature baby, it's left me with massive issues around food that I'm struggling to move on from. For that reason, plus he sounds like a massive pain in the backside, I'd say run, today and don't look back!
Find yourself somebody who accepts you and feels lucky to be with you. Good luck Thanks

Airbiscuits · 26/12/2017 08:09

I often read tales of woe on here from people who seem to be married to utter arseholes. Moody and unpleasant, stingy and critical. Treat their wives with contempt. Then they have children and mortgages and feel they can’t leave and they are trapped and utterly miserable. And I always think “why did you marry him? Surely he didn’t undergo a personality transplant? There must have been signs he was vile before you tied the knot”

Don’t be that woman. Why persevere? What’s the prize?

Takeoutyourhen · 26/12/2017 08:13

Sounds like you know what to do and why you are coming to this decision. He sounds like the kind of person who will not give up and use further manipulation and emotional blackmail so best have some tactics for breaking up.
All the best for 2018!

Original poster
Indigo911 · 26/12/2017 08:14

I tried to split up with him a few months back as was really hurt by something he had said. He was saying he’d kill himself

OP posts: