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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go? Just discovered I am an unwelcome guest :(

322 replies

greywhitebluepink · 24/12/2017 16:32

My parents died when I was quite young and so I have been used to spending Christmas alone over the years. I am now married and pregnant but my husband works Christmas Day.

So someone at work made a massive fuss about this and I thought she was being nice. I don’t really like going to other people’s homes anyway on Christmas Day as you get in the way a bit and plus I have been very sick in this pregnancy but she was so insistent it would have been rude to say no, and she lives locally and I thought i could do with expanding my support network with being due a baby. So I said thank you and accepted.

So I text before to confirm arrangements and I got a text back not meant for me saying how she (the host) is so stressed at arranging Christmas dinner and then goes on to say something like ‘on top of that some woman I work with is insisting I feed her too.’

I just replied saying don’t think you meant that for me. She’s tried to ring me twice but I don’t want to talk to her.

OP posts:
MonumentalAlabaster · 24/12/2017 21:19

Has she offered you any sort of apology OP? She ought to be beyond embarrassed - if she has a decent bone in her body she should be utterly mortified and spend the rest of the Christmas break wondering how she's going to meet your eye the first day back at work.

LoopyLou1981 · 24/12/2017 21:21

I think everyone has said everything there is to say about your workmate however, with regard to books...
Any of Ian Flemings Bond books
Any of the Harry Potter books
The Magic Faraway Tree (if you want to relive your childhood and get ready for your lo’s arrival!)
Have a lovely Christmas. Stick your feet up, watch crap tv and order a takeaway xx

pictish · 24/12/2017 21:26

I agree she probably didn't mean anything by it too - just being caustic/humorous about how harassed she was feeling, as many of us do on Christmas Eve.
A bad gaff nonetheless though.

Feelings · 24/12/2017 21:27

Order a takeaway! Some are open on Christmas :)

AdalindSchade · 24/12/2017 21:27

What a cow! Indian takeaways may be open tomorrow if you fancy curry for your Christmas dinner!

wiltingfast · 24/12/2017 21:34

Idk, she probably is v stressed and venting. Personally I think it is unkind to add to the pressure by take nag too much umbrage.

I'd take the call and let her explain and then decide whether to go or not.

She did a v kind thing.

The text was not meant for you.

Everyone vents.

Snugglywithmycat17 · 24/12/2017 21:34

She has been extremely rude and thoughtless but we all make mistakes and although u will be on your own for Xmas, u might actually enjoy your day relaxing. She, however will feel constantly mortified and embarrassed and I can assure u that that feeling stays for a long long time. Most likely it will ruin her day.
What is she like normally? She did do a lovely thing and invite u.
We all get stressed and silly. What I’m saying is please hear her out and tell her it doesn’t matter as u will feel happier at home. Obviously do not go.

TooSarcastic · 24/12/2017 21:36

Frequently we are unable to celebrate Christmas on the actual day due to work, so we celebrate together when it actually works for us. Doesn't matter whenever everybody else does. Balls to Ms TextMartyr

StealthPolarBear · 24/12/2017 21:38

Wilting but the op didn't want to go in the first place. So this is ideal really

honeyroar · 24/12/2017 21:47

What a horrible woman and a horrible text to receive, but at least it got you out of enduring a dinner you didn't want to go to in the first place. I hope you have a peaceful, relaxing day tomorrow. I'm glad you sent that second text - much as she was a grade one idiot, I bet she's feeling awful, and you've softened it for her a bit (you are way up there in the better person spot!).

ps. I've just driven 200 miles of motorway, and every Waitrose and M&S on the motorway I stopped at was laden with Xmas stuff - from snaky bits and cheese to turkey crowns and veg. If you're anywhere near a services you could nip out tomorrow and get anything you fancy.

NonnoMum · 24/12/2017 22:04

Mmmm - snaky bits...

PS Let her apologise but you can always graciously accept the apology but decline to go tomorrow. Say your morning sickness is playing up but you appreciate the gesture. That way you both come out of it somewhat OK and your work relationship won't totally be ruined...

Original poster
greywhitebluepink · 24/12/2017 22:06

I don’t want to talk to her as she’s so very persistent, which is how I ended up accepting the invite.

OP posts:
BulletFox · 24/12/2017 22:08

Are you sorted for tomorrow now? Nice food, reading material etc?

Put her out of your mind :)

AtleastitsnotMonday · 24/12/2017 22:18

Op I bet if you said where in the country you are here would be mners on here willing to deliver a serious food parcel. If you happened to be near me I am hosting 6 but have food for 20 and would love to share!

Original poster
greywhitebluepink · 24/12/2017 22:19

Yes thanks Smile and don’t worry I wouldn’t impose on someone on Christmas Day!

OP posts:
KimchiLaLa · 24/12/2017 22:19

Op just don't go. You'd have a much better time at home, watching the TV you want to
Watch, and eating the food you want to eat. I'd get takeaway, a bottle of prosecco and line up some netflix. Who wants to spend the evening making polite chat with someone else's family?!

Bluntness100 · 24/12/2017 22:20

I think your response was perfect. I wouldn't go either or speak to her. It's an awful text as it paints you as someone who forced themselves on her. Even if you did and I know you didn't, it would still be deeply unpleasant to articulate it as she did.

Youll have a much better time on your own rather than spending it with some nasty drama queen. Lucky escape in my view.

RoseWhiteTips · 24/12/2017 22:23

wiltingfast

Idk, she probably is v stressed and venting. Personally I think it is unkind to add to the pressure by take nag too much umbrage.

I'd take the call and let her explain and then decide whether to go or not.

She did a v kind thing.

The text was not meant for you.

Everyone vents.

ARGH

RoseWhiteTips · 24/12/2017 22:25

NO. THEY. DON’T.

Ceesadoo · 24/12/2017 22:28

Enjoy your books and comfort in the knowledge that you would never be stupid enough to send that sort of message to the.wrong.person.

BrownLiverSpot · 24/12/2017 22:32

I really dislike people like that, so two-faced. I've had a few occasions where something similar has happened either to me or a friend, nothing on this level though but enough to make me wary of anyone offering me something.

Op, you handled it better than I would have. I agree that it is better to not talk to her for now as she will just talk you into accepting some other form of invitation and then bitch and moan to others about it.

Ignoranceandapathy · 24/12/2017 22:33

Haven't read the whole thread, but in this situation a nice cosy read like Maeve Binchey would be pleasant - warm and comforting, but not taxing, and an easy read filled with (usually) nice people. "Evening Classes" seems to be one that everybody enjoys.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/12/2017 22:34

No they don't Rose, not like that, to someone SHE insisted come to hers.

NapQueen · 24/12/2017 22:40

She probably only insisted you come in the first place so she had her good deed to bang on about for the next 18months. Or fodder for gossip.

The insisting would have done my fucking head in to start with, I love solitude so wouldnt care if I was alone for christmas day. Someone insisting I spend it with them would piss me off. To then find out she was using it to whinge to her friends and family would infuriate me.

Op you did well. Enjoy your day tomorrow.

alphajuliet123 · 24/12/2017 22:45

Oh dear, big mistake, "some woman from work" indeed. If she messages again just tell her you've now made other plans.