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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

252 replies

MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 08:47

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

OP posts:
DotCottonDotCom · 23/12/2017 08:48

I’d just lie to shut her up lol

frazmum · 23/12/2017 08:49

YANBU - what’s her fixation with a date. Baby will arrive when it’s ready.

LardLizard · 23/12/2017 08:50

I can see what your saying but you probably came across as pretty weird

Ride of your mil to keep
Pushing you like that

If she asks you again say for the eighth time I’m not telling. You !!

MadameJosephine · 23/12/2017 08:51

To be honest I think it’s a bit wierd that you won’t just tell her. There must be an agreed EDD on your notes? Just tell her! You can always add ‘of course it’ll probably be a couple of weeks before that like the others’

Locotion · 23/12/2017 08:51

I would probably have just told her. End of drama.

steff13 · 23/12/2017 08:52

It was rude of her to press it, but it's pretty off not to just give the date. She's your mother-in-law, not a stranger on a train. It's just a thing people like to know. It's not as though there's pressure on you to have the baby that day. I think most people understand that the babies come when they feel like it, and the due date is just a guess.

House4 · 23/12/2017 08:52

YABU! Just tell her the date! She is interested - better this than a MIL that isn't!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 23/12/2017 08:53

Next time she asks just tell her that you had the baby last week and is she saying that you look fat?

swingofthings · 23/12/2017 08:54

yeah, I would have said 30th of February!!!

MountainVista · 23/12/2017 08:57

YANBU, if it weren't for needing to declare EDD for maternity leave I would have done this

Original poster
MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 08:58

I should probably also add- after originally asking family not to make anything public because we're fairly private my MIL then printed in a magazine she runs, including full names of all our other children, and month Baby was expected - as that's the only info she has, as well as where we live! It went to a distribution list of 600-1000 people I don't know- and given I don't share my kids names etc or very much about our lives in general on social media of any kind, I felt like the ONE thing I'd asked her to do she couldn't, and any little bit of info she has she's likely a) not to keep to herself even if specifically asked and b) not respect how we do things in general anyway.
She's fairly passive aggressive and manipulative - she has left social occasions before in a flounce because she was asked not to bring a dog (for example) at a formal party, turned up with it anyway (huge dog, untrained) because she wasn't going to be told what to do!

OP posts:
MountainVista · 23/12/2017 09:00

Her pestering you seven times is a good illustration of why you were right to keep to yourself! Imagine the questions around the date

SpartonDregs · 23/12/2017 09:01

my MIL then printed in a magazine she runs, including full names of all our other children, and month Baby was expected - as that's the only info she has, as well as where we live!

What the fuck?

StepAwayFromGoogle · 23/12/2017 09:02

OP, it's normal for people to ask your EDD and I'd think it was weird if someone refused to say. You're going to start getting texts mid month anyway so just tell her!

k2p2k2tog · 23/12/2017 09:03

Just tell her! Everyone knows that it's an ESTIMATED date of delivery and that the chances of you going nto to labour on the date given are minimal.

Essexgirlupnorth · 23/12/2017 09:03

Did you tell her the your due date for the others? I told family and close friend my actual due date but more distant friends just early October. I can see your point for not telling people and she is rude for keeping asking it isn’t like she won’t be told when the baby arrives. Though she might be sending you message all throughout February asking if you have had the baby if she doesn’t know the date

JoyceDivision · 23/12/2017 09:03

Would you be this cagey with your mum?

She is excited about her grandchild, not sure why you won't yell her the latest date you've been given.

InspMorse · 23/12/2017 09:03

Just tell her your due date! You're being a bit Hmm and everyone knows that the baby is unlikely to arrive then.
As for names and any other information asked for 'I don't know yet' is the correct answer every time!

Peachyking000 · 23/12/2017 09:04

She sounds strange, but I still think it’s odd to be secretive about a due date

Peachyking000 · 23/12/2017 09:05

Or you could pick a random date in Feb, a couple of weeks after your actual due date, to keep her quiet and avoid endless requests for an update during February

steff13 · 23/12/2017 09:05

That magazine thing was kind of a huge drip feed.

Tinkerbec · 23/12/2017 09:05

At first I thought you were being unreasonably awkward and precious but that whole magazine thing puts perspective on why you are this way.

She needs level 1 safeguarding training.

InspMorse · 23/12/2017 09:06

I agree, if you say 'February' she'll be hassling you all month! Narrow it down a bit ( as accurately or inaccurately as you wish)

Enwi · 23/12/2017 09:06

I understand your thinking, and we have told everyone we are due ‘mid to late June’. She was rude and pushy, but as OP’s have said you probably came across as the weird one.

Original poster
MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 09:06

@JoyceDivision my own mum died when I was a child so I have no frame of reference on that one in reality, however, knowing her the little that I did she would have taken my first answer first time around and not been so rude to keep asking on something I clearly didn't want to give out.

OP posts:
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