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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

252 replies

MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 08:47

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

OP posts:
LifeOfBriony · 23/12/2017 09:29

YANBU. My DD was late and I received many calls from well-meaning friends asking whether I had had my baby, when was it going to arrive etc. When I was expecting DS I was deliberately vague - this took the pressure off when he was also late. It's your baby, your news, your health - and up to you how you play it. Good luck OP.

kaytee87 · 23/12/2017 09:31

Op I get what you mean. I was 8 days 'overdue' with my ds. From about 3 weeks before my edd I started getting 'any sign of baby yet?'
I was driven mad by it. On my dd my husband and I went out for the day and I left my phone at home.

Rebeccatheold · 23/12/2017 09:35

She sounds a bit nuts with the magazine stuff but you’ve made the drama by not telling her. Either say you’re not going to discuss it again or tell her the due date.

Clankboing · 23/12/2017 09:40

My mil does this asking the same question multiple times. She just wants an answer - normally the answer that she expects. I actually find it funny now.

Cheby · 23/12/2017 09:42

I get you OP. Dd1 was born at 42 weeks exactly, and I had 2 weeks of calls and texts and FB messages badgering me about when I was going to have the baby. It contributed to a lot of anxiety I had about having a gigantic baby because she was overdue. I was stressed and ended up having 5 sweeps to get labour going, which caused me to experience prodromal labour; essentially painful contractions that did fuck all for 4 days, no sleep, so when I actually entered active labour it lasted for 24 hours and both me and the baby were exhausted, ended in an EMCS.

With DD2 I said she was due ‘late June’, due date was officially the 9th. The only people who knew that were DH and my line manager at work. She tipped up a week early in the end, so everyone was shocked as they thought they had a month to go. 😂

(DD1 was under 8lbs btw, and I’m not blaming those messages for the way my labour went but it definitely didn’t help)

PinkyBlunder · 23/12/2017 09:42

Two of the same reallyantherone ‘Oh so you’ll keep trying for a boy/girl then’
Nope.

On telling a relative recently that we’ll be having some time to ourselves after the baby comes home (bearing in mind we genuinely have no section date yet and don’t know how long we’ll be in hospital), they said ‘but I would like to meet the baby some time’
I told them the life expectancy age is is around 85 so it’ll probably happen at some point Grin

Despite what anybody says OP you don’t have to play along with everybody else. Just crack on with what you feel is best for you Flowers

diddl · 23/12/2017 09:43

No, MIL has made the drama by keep asking.

Op told her mid Feb-how is that not good enough?

nutnerk · 23/12/2017 09:46

Wowza - sounds like your MIL needs to be put on an information diet - Need to know ONLY. Get your DH on board too. She sounds like a meddler!

MonumentalAlabaster · 23/12/2017 09:47

The magazine thing makes her sound unhinged

JessYouMe · 23/12/2017 09:55

Tell her a date 6 weeks after your due date, or just to mind her own damn business.

roomsonfire · 23/12/2017 09:58

I told every one my due date was the actual due date plus 2 weeks. So mine was due 07/07 and I told everyone it was 21/07. Arrived on the 15/07.

ProperLavs · 23/12/2017 10:00

I think you're nasty op actually. Just bloody tell her all the dates you were given.
You'd soon be complaining if she showed no interest whatsoever ever.

nakedscientist · 23/12/2017 10:01

You're pregnant which is wonderful, it's Christmas, MIL cares, be happy, YABU

roomsonfire · 23/12/2017 10:02

I think you're nasty op actually. Just bloody tell her all the dates you were given.
You'd soon be complaining if she showed no interest whatsoever ever

nasty? oh do fuck off. A due date isnt public property and a woman can withhold it if she chooses. Nothing at all nasty about that.

calling a pregnant woman nasty for wanting privacy and not to be interrogated... merry xmas eh? Hmm

restbiterepeat · 23/12/2017 10:07

Just add two weeks to the edd and tell her that and if the baby comes early just shrug and say they must have got it wrong. But the magazine thing is intrusive and I can see why you are pissed off.

pictish · 23/12/2017 10:08

I think you're being a bit weird about withholding the due date. It's all power play isn't it? Maybe get over yourself and be inclusive.

Mxyzptlk · 23/12/2017 10:13

Yanbu.
Say "It's been changed 3 times so No I don't know."

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 10:14

Maybe other people should "get over themselves" thinking they have the right to someone else's personal medical information Hmm

Crunchymum · 23/12/2017 10:15

Most people have had the generic 'early Feb' answer. Family and close friends know my given EDD.

SoupDragon · 23/12/2017 10:16

Why is lying to the MIL better than giving valid reasons why you aren't giving an exact date?

pictish · 23/12/2017 10:17

Personal medical information? It's her grandchild's due date. Get a grip. Be normal.

Partyfops · 23/12/2017 10:18

Say something like between 25 Feb and 10 March. Just lie, but make it much later.

Lazypuppy · 23/12/2017 10:19

We didn't want to tell anyone the due date so have just said mid-jan and 99% of people are happy with this answer...apart from MIL so i told her a completely different date. Like another poster said, hen people pester me i dig my heels in.

We're also not discussing names as struggling to agree on 1, don't want to tell people and their reaction ruin it if it was only name we could agree on! Again, when people ask we say we have a few but are waiting till baby is born, everyone accepts this...except MIL! My own mum doesn't even know the due date

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 10:21

Like I said upthread, I had no issues telling people mine. In laws included - they're lovely.
First and foremost though it's OPs child, and considering it's her said child will be exiting I thinks she's every bloody right to not want to tell anyone. Whys it anyone else's business?

pictish · 23/12/2017 10:22

Where is the rolling eye smiley. This place needs one.