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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

252 replies

MrsH2010 · 23/12/2017 08:47

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 23/12/2017 10:23

You are given a due date in France, they will also deliver baby on the due date as there is a lot of medicalisation of birth (thye might let you get a few days over but not 2 weeks).

Ginfiend · 23/12/2017 10:30

Friend is due any day now. She lied about her first DC due date and tacked on a few weeks to avid the relentless questioning.

She didn’t lie this time, but has answered nearly every “any news, baby here yet?” Texts with “yes we had the baby, we just completely forgot to tell anyone... we’ll let you know when there’s news, don’t worry!” This time!

CiderwithBuda · 23/12/2017 10:37

Perfect month to fudge the date. Tell her you are due on 29th! Let her work it out. Leap year? Not leap year? It'll confuse her anyway!

TalkinBoutWhat · 23/12/2017 10:48

Oh Good God, the constant text messages..... I got so upset with the neverending stream of them with DS1 that I eventually refused to answer them and told DH to tell them all to leave me alone. They would get the announcement along with everyone else. If they didn't leave me along I would tell them to fuck off.

It was absolutely relentless, DS1 was 12 days late and everyone was sending me texts several times a day, friends, family (and we both had large families) acquaintances who would I wouldn't usually hear from for months at a time......

With DS2 I gave everyone an approximate date along with a 'if you text me for updates I'll take you off the birth announcement list'.... and then the little sod arrived bang on due date.....

harrietm87 · 23/12/2017 10:49

I can completely see why you don't want to tell her. I think the solution as pps have said is to just tell her a different date a few weeks later - she's happy and it shuts her up, and it buys you some peace!

WeAllHaveWings · 23/12/2017 10:51

I pity your dh stuck in the middle of dramatics between a pregnant DW and an excited DM over something as ridiculous as a due date.

ProperLavs · 23/12/2017 10:56

Personal medical information? Ha ha, it's a bloody baby being born, it's not exactly a secret is it?
I agree, Op you are having a bit of a poser trip here.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/12/2017 10:57

You are the one who is rude op.

ProperLavs · 23/12/2017 10:59

Er, and being pregnant doesn't stop someone from being nasty, which I think the OP is, nor does it mean a woman can't be called out on her behaviour just because she is is pregnant.

Being pregnant isn't a licence to be an arse.

TheLegendOfBeans · 23/12/2017 11:01

Sorry not to have RTFT but if it’s not too late, pick a date 3-4 weeks after you’re due and religiously stick to it every time anyone asks. You’ll be glad you did, I swear x

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 11:05

Yeah, her baby out of her vagina. Not her MILs, so therefore none of of her business.

ProperLavs · 23/12/2017 11:06

of course it's her business it's her grandchild.

Herewegoagainagain · 23/12/2017 11:07

YANBU at all OP! I give a vague 'early April' response when I'm asked and think I'd find incessant questioning very irritating

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 11:07

That she has zero rights to. Because it's not her baby. It's OPs and her husbands.

lalaloopyhead · 23/12/2017 11:07

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to tell anyone tbh, I would think it a bit weird for someone to be so vague. Accurate or not your must have an EDD? If you other babies have come early then surely you won't have got to the 'no sign of baby yet??' stage anyway?

MummyUber · 23/12/2017 11:11

When you have an over-sharing MIL, best thing is to hold the information to yourself. I speak from experience. My MIL lived in UK but was a national of another country. When First DC was born, she printed a birth announcement in a paper in that country and included our address and phone number. In the middle of trying to deal with all that becoming new parents entails we had to endure phone calls in a foreign language from people we didn't know.

It was 21 years or so ago and mobiles and texting wasn't such a thing. DD1 was 10 days late and I had to endure the feeling of being a failure with a constant stream of calls asking 'haven't you had it yet', as though I was deliberately delaying giving birth to piss them off. I ended up recording a message on the voicemail "Thanks for calling.
Baby hasn't arrived yet; if you want to talk about anything else please leave a message". My answerphone was a series of clicks as people hung up. But it saved an awful lot of annoyance.

ambereeree · 23/12/2017 11:12

Your mil is just excited. Read the threads where mils don't even see their gc and get some perspective. Congratulations btw

Lunde · 23/12/2017 11:14

Wow - you are getting a really hard time OP - I don't blame you at all for wanting to be vague with someone who is trying to bully information out of you. I don't see why she needs to know a date more specific than "mid-Feb" anyway.

CatkinToadflax · 23/12/2017 11:17

I'd tell her a date, any date, doesn't have to be the actual one - just to satisfy her. My DS1 was born 16 weeks prematurely and I knew there was zero chance of reaching 40 weeks with DS2. People would ask me the EDD all the time, and I ended up telling them the real 40 week EDD, but saying "40 weeks is 4th June but really we're just hoping to get to late March/early April, after that every day will be a bonus".

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 11:17

Because apparently Lunde being a grandparent means you get the same rights as parents and must know every minute detail Hmm even though it doesn't matter if she knows as that's not going to get the baby out and lay quicker is it?

pictish · 23/12/2017 11:23

"Being pregnant isn't a licence to be an arse."

Absofuckinglutely. Something mumsnet needs to understand. You do not get automatic exaltation because you are pregnant. You're still accountable for the things you do and say.

snugasapuginarug · 23/12/2017 11:26

So she's being an arse by not sharing information about herself that she doesn't want to? How in the world does that make sense? Apply that to yourself in any other scenario and I bet you'd soon be complaining about the person demanding it.

limitedperiodonly · 23/12/2017 11:27

Why not give the date? She's given birth at least once so I'm sure she understands that babies don't come to order. I understand not wanting to be pestered about biopsy results when awaiting a cancer diagnosis or all-clear but this is presumably a joyful event.

pictish · 23/12/2017 11:27

"She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you."

Rude and unfriendly as fuck.

53rdWay · 23/12/2017 11:29

I would have thought this was weird in the past. “Just tell her the date they’ve given you! What’s the big deal!”

Then I had a pregnancy that went overdue, and the constant CONSTANT pestering from people nearly drove me mad. “Oooh, two days to go, anything happening?” “Any twinges yet?” “Congrats on your due date!!!!!... any signs yet??” then just calls and texts and visits and FB messages every day after due date, “any news?” “Gosh you’re getting pretty overdue now?” “Surely you’ve hard that baby by now!” “wow STILL no baby, that’s 9 days, when are you being induced?”

So now I am all in favour of not giving people the due date, and I think they should count themselves lucky if they’re told the right year.