Not answering questions on stupid “DD”

[MrsH2010]

Expecting our fourth baby, and much like the three before this one I have had my “due date” changed three times so far, and as all the other three were early anyway to varying degrees I find it a fairly useless date. I’ve told people the month and even specified “mid” month instead of being totally vague.

My MiL has now asked me 6 times in person what EXACT date I am due. Each time so far it was in casual conversation and I simply answered mid Feb.
Last night we were in a more formal setting and as the table went quiet, surrounded by other people, she asked for a SEVENTH time do we know when the baby is due- I said yes. She said what’s the date then, and I replied I’m not telling you. It’s moved three times, I find them fairly useless as all the others have been early anyway, the moment you start telling people you set yourself up for “has the baby arrived yet/ what a shame it’s your due date and no baby etc etc” texts and messages. I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month- sometimes up to six weeks and the pressure is off women, and the expectation of everyone else is managed in such a different way.
I’m so cross because I felt like she finally thought she had me cornered by asking yet again so publically, and probably thought I had no choice but to answer her with a date. I just don’t understand why you would ever push anyone on giving an answer like that after the first few attempts of getting an answer. I made it clear we’ve not told ANYONE- not just her. Unless someone fancies having the baby for me, what does it matter what “date” i’ve Got 😂
AIBU?!?

So agree with you!!!

To be fair, we don't really know whether she's a manipulative mil or whether she's usually lovely.

All we know is that she's upset about not being told the dd and keeps asking. It seems to have become a bit of a battle and I suspect that both op and mil are looking decidedly odd at the moment.

But this MIL has been told the date several times and chose to ask AGAIN in company to embarrass op into giving it again

My MIL shouted (coz she is unable to speak at a normal level) that I was 'very very fat' at a wedding. I was actually 7 months pregnant but she thinks she's funny. No one laughed just looked at her like she was nuts.

Don’t tell her! If you do tell her now - after bowing to pressure - she will feel she has won! It may seem weird to some people but I totally get it and did the same. Just indicated the likely week or so for second child. I was uncomfortable and grumpy and didn’t enjoy the texts and phone calls every day that I was overdue with DC1.... however I did confess when I was a week over with DC2-of-the-mystery-EDD and went for a sweep.

Sounds like this is a bit of tit for tat and the pregnancy/due date isn’t the issue - she’s obviously overbearing at times and this is your way of putting her in her place.

If your baby is likely to be early then your main argument for concealing the date is blown right out of the water. If your other babies were early, you can’t have had too much of the questioning you mention. You’re contradicting yourself.

If you don’t want to tell her because she’s overbearing and you don’t trust her with the information then tell her that. Why beat around the bush and make up alternative reasons when I’m sure she can see the contradiction as well as we can.

You just come across as weird lol sorry! Just tell her the latest date

I agree,mil knew what she was doing asking her in front of everyone.

Sorry about your mil😢

Really,the OP is who you think is weird in this situation?😔

Tell her its due at least a month later than the real date. If you know the sex tell her the opposite one and tell her the most awful names you can think of are on your short list. Think of the retraction she will have to put in her magazine when the baby arrives,

YABU

OP, it's normal for people to ask your EDD and I'd think it was weird if someone refused to say.

^This

Brilliant!!

In company, ask her the date of her LMP. That's basically what she's asking you.

Your body, your business.

In company, ask her the date of her LMP. That's basically what she's asking you.

^ bollocks

It is completely normal for a grandparent to want to know when the baby is due and weird for her DS/DIL not to tell them. OP obviously either has ishoos around being overly private, doesn't like her MIL or probably a bit of both. Either way, trying feed OPs ongoing dramatics with her MIL about something as ridiculous as a due date with absurd ammunition to fire back at her MIL about her periods is not constructive.

I said I far prefer the French system where you’re given a due month

I've had two babies in France and I had a due date both times

It is completely normal for a grandparent to want to know when the baby is due and weird for her DS/DIL not to tell them.

She has been told. It is due “mid February”

Just because you are a "mil" doesn't give you permission to know everything and be a snotty witch.She already raised her kids,right!?

I refused to tell and I am very glad I did.

I've refused to tell my parents-in-law. They don't know anymore than that I'm having a baby around end of January to February. Ds was five weeks early and after my FIL asked in front of the entire family 'whether I had done anything' to make ds come early, I decided I could do without their questions this time.

I learnt after 3dc to add time onto my edd with dc4. Dc4 arrived at 37weeks though so family thought she was even earlier and remarked at her good weight

Yeah, her baby out of her vagina. Not her MILs, so therefore none of of her business

Wow, aren't you so modern and cool using the v-word like that!!

But OP, I HATE it when people try to force me to give information by saying things so publicly. Well done for resisting that! And how annoying for her haha.

It's her grandchild's due date.
Grandchild's. Not child's.
OP's personal confidential information. Which she will no doubt spread around the village as soon as she gets hold of it, going by what she's done with the information she's been given so far. I'd say it's quite normal to want her to butt out.

But what would she do if given the info?

Probably publish it in her magazine, like she did when OP told her the month and asked her not to tell anybody else.

not batshit at all. Normal

Unless you have been specifically asked not to share - in which case it's not only not normal, but a breach of the Data Protection Act. A major and wilful one, which - if OP was the sort of person who called ambulance-chasing lawyers - could theoretically cost the Parish or whatever organisation is putting out the magazine substantial damages.

Well shame on your MIL for enquiring when her own child is likely to be born. Shame on her! 🙄

I mean grandchild.