AIBU to ask partner to wash his hands before sex?

[Andrewsgirl]

Would your partner be offended if you asked them to wash their hands before having sex?

YANBU. If you want him to wash his hands before sex... then that’s what he needs to do. he could either wash his hands or not have sex with you.

And calling you a snob is not on. You’re not obligated to have sex with him.

I worked in many homeless shelters and washed my hands a lot. Many people with open wounds (not their fault), hepatitis; that they would inform me of so I could be safe (not their fault), general dirty hands because of a lack of washing facilities (not their fault) and so on. It's not a judgement, it's just how it is.

I wouldn't have put my hands near my mouth (or any other mucous membrane) without washing them first after working. And I wouldn't have sex with someone who had any issues with any conditions I put on my bodily autonomy.

I always wash my hands when I’ve been on public transport. It’s just sensible to avoid picking up lurgies.

"He's gone ballistic and said I've humiliated him and that I'm the disgusting and sick one."
Well, his chances for having sex with me again - EVER - would be absolutely zero now, however often he washed his hands.

You were not being unreasonable.

YANBU, OP, in this instance, and it's not about being a snob! DH and I are both very fastidious about hygiene so I wouldn't like that at all.

I take it spontaneous sex on the way home is out of the question then!

Even if you were unreasonable... A man that reacts his way when you’ve ‘denied’ him sex doesn’t deserve to have any imo.

Yanbu.

Biggest concern here though is that he's gone ballistic and abusive. He sounds like a prick. My partner often jumps in the shower before sex.

I think it depends on whether he intends to finger you - or not.
Absolutely no way do i want dirty,germ ridden fingers in my fanny giving me UTI's - or worse

Same with fingernails - short and clean before you enter the sacred garden
Having experienced the negative side effects of both - he can go fuck himself if he hasn't the common sense to do that without being 'told' or his ego gets wounded.

OP you are not being unreasonable if he wants to have sex, or actually if you just want to let him into your bed to sleep. Nice that he wants to talk and interact with homeless people but he definitely needs to wash his hands when he gets home

OH always washes his bits before hanky panky so his hands would be clean anyway but honestly, if he had been out drinking I would have asked him to shower first, DH always seems to be really sweaty when he has had a few.

In the morning I think I would have pointed out to him that he ruined the mood by being a dick.

Having worked in shops, handling cash etc. I always make sure I wash my hands before and after using the loo and don't really see how this is different. I also wash them when I get home as I don't feel comfortable until I have.

You are 100% within your rights to do this! YANNNBU. Vile not to wash in those circs.

The more I think about this the crosser it makes me, OP. Particularly the strop about it. Very simple in my view: not mature or intelligent enough to understand and respect why anyone would want clean hands only touching them intimately? Not mature or intelligent enough to have sex with.

DH does now after a horrific incident where he'd been eating chicken wings with hot sauce, then decided to initiate sex. I was so pissed off.

It's your body OP and your partner should do what you ask. His reaction sounds really concerning. Does he often insult you after drinking?

You dont sound awful at all. He does though

Lol this made me laugh. I had a uti last year so I can see why you would 😂 not that that's why but honestly it made me really paranoid.

Oh god I read your update! How rude. I don't think you're unreasonable and his reaction sounds ott unless you said it really rudely

I take it spontaneous sex on the way home is out of the question then!

On the way home? Do you often have sex in people’s front gardens, up against a lamp post or under a bush?

In my teens yes not as a middle aged lady.

He’s unreasonable for Requiring reminding about basic hygiene...

YADNBU

So, as you got home from the street and presumably had a wee before going to bed, he didn't wash his hands?
Is he 3 years old?

Handwashing is the most basic hygiene principle.
That's how many diseases spread.

Also I don’t think it’s relevant that the person he was shaking hands with was homeless. He’d been on public transport, out drinking, in a gutter, etc... he was unclean in his own right regardless of his company.

I wouldn't sleep with a drunk randomer without him showering first let alone washing his hands

Show him this:

www.cdc.gov/handwashing/index.html