AIBU to ask partner to wash his hands before sex?

[Andrewsgirl]

Would your partner be offended if you asked them to wash their hands before having sex?

Nope, DP will go off wash hands, face, brush teeth etc, or just take a shower if he thinks his luck is in...
I likewise will freshen up for him.

I volunteer in a homeless shelter, we've been advised to wear gloves and wash our hands after touching bedding, clothes etc so yeah, actually, I think I'd like hands washed before sex in this context. Homeless people don't have access to proper washing facilities a lot of the time, i know some that have pee bottles they wash out, so definitely don't have the opportunity to wash their hands after each pee (because there aren't public loos here, just ones in shops/pubs)

Wouldn't have sex with a man who had been out drinking full stop, and certainly not sleep in a bed with them

YOu're not a snob. You are realistic about the homeless man's opportunities to thoroughly wash his own hands and clothing.

YADNBU!! Ladybits are sensitive and who knows what your dp may have picked up during his drunken adventures! My dh washes thoroughly all parts that are involved! I wash too, I tend to do it discreetly but I would expect some decency and desire to take care of personal hygiene from a sexual partner!

I am plagued by constant UTI's and ended up in hospital in October with Septicemia which turned into Septic Shock, all caused by a UTI. I am vulnerable to infection due to long-term catheterisation but also due to low immunity. My immune system is so vulnerable that my dh and dc all wash their hands when they come in the house.

I don't think you are unreasonable in the least OP, the last thing you want over Christmas is a raging UTI, which without the right antibiotic can very quickly become dangerous. I find it strange that people can be strong safe sex advocates and yet don't see the need to have their sexual partner wash their hands! Let's face it, hands are constantly coming into contact with germs of some sort! Op your partner's behaviour/ reaction is an absolute disgrace! He obviously has no respect for your bodily autonomy! He would be out on his ear if he was as abusive as that to me, even if it meant calling a friend/ one of his family members to cart him back to their house!

Forget the hands. Make sure he dips his penis in a beaker beforehand. I believe that is standard MN etiquette.

Wouldn't have sex with a man who had been out drinking full stop, and certainly not sleep in a bed with them

Wowsers

Why wouldn't he have washed his hands before bed anyway? He must have been to the toilet? Of course he should wash his hands in those circumstances!

Not at all, he respects my bodily integrity entirely. I don't think I've ever felt like I've had to ask him though as he has very good personal hygiene.

We always shower before we go to bed. You were being very reasonable to only ask him to wash his hands!

He’s been sitting on the floor and no doubt used his hands to get back up, not to mention shaking homeless man’s hand. Hmm, you know YANBU and he is. Let him sleep it off and talk when he’s had a think about it tomorrow and realises he was a twat.

A lot of men do not wash their hands after going to the toilet, thats a known fact.
OP just ask him if you can smear your hands with dirt then finger his arse repeatedly.He wont like that so whats the difference?

Make sure he dips his penis in a beaker beforehand. I believe that is standard MN etiquette.

OP just ask him if you can smear your hands with dirt then finger his arse repeatedly

OP just ask him if you can smear your hands with dirt then finger his arse repeatedly

The danger is he might say ‘yes’.

🤮

OP just ask him if you can smear your hands with dirt then finger his arse repeatedly

My DP was extremely aroused when I suggested that to him. The colour of the penis beaker water afterwards was a sight to behold.

My DH washes his hands before we do anything - I am always impressed by his thoughtfulness tbh. He says he wouldn't want to risk putting dirty hands into me and I know the risk of any germs / infections etc are v low, but I am pleased he is kind and thoughtful enough to do this and think of me and my health first. YANBU.

For goodness, overreacting much?? He was shaking hands with a friggin homeless person, surely he can understand that it's not because you think he's normally gross or dirty or anything!

YANBU at all! I thought it was basic hygiene to wash your hands when coming in from the outside.

Reasonable if he has got particularly grubby.
Not reasonable if it's general life. Well, each to their own but i must admit it probably would kill my mood.

In my younger days I was plagued with recurrent uti's. It was agony, interfered with work, studies, social life. Couldn't drink tea coffee or alcohol. Really awful. I'd just get rid of one and bang there it went again.

I had scans and all sorts, couldn't find a cause. Was permanently on antibiotics.

Then I started asking my then boyfriend to wash his hands before touching me.

No more uti.

I have no qualms about asking someone to wash their hands before touching me.

He’s an arse. YANBU for all the reasons already mentioned. If he’s not normally an arse, talk to him when he sobers up. If he has a history of being an arse, add this to the list of arselike behaviours.

As someone who suffered from repeated and severe UTIs and other infections, I have also been funny about this but much more generally.
I don't think any of my partners have minded

YANBU at all. He’s being thoughtless and aggressive.

On this occasion YANBU.