Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

They may not know your name? We get a lot of Mr & Mrs X RestingGrinchFace, not just Christmas cards but communications from our son's school, invites etc. We also get all kinds of completely incorrect variations. Sometimes our titles are mixed up so it's Mr and Dr instead of Dr and Mrs for example, other times we will both have my maiden name. It's really not a big deal.

I’m Dr Unicorn (married surname). I don’t use Mrs but I wouldn’t be bothered if people addressed my card to ‘Mr and Mrs Unicorn’.

What annoys me is the ‘Mr and Mrs Unicorn’ I get from ILs. I find that really outdated and I know my ILs mean it in a passive aggressive way.

not one of them would insist on being called Doctor, (or Mr, Miss. Ms or Mrs), in a social situation.

Exactly this. Titles such as doctor, or letters after your name are for professional correspondence only. I certainly wouldn't use them for friends/family informal letters & cards.

I know a couple of doctors and they are only doctor if I am seeing them in an official capacity.
Cards would be addressed to MR/Mrs joe bloggs

I once knew someone who had an OBE. He sent his cheque book back to the bank as they omitted the OBE from signature space.

This week there have been threads about the following : people being rude putting first names on envelopes, people using the mans first name, people being too personal, people being too formal, now this.
I assume the card was named to you?
It's an envelope.
Get over it.
Merry Christmas!

I agree Amanduh
Such a first world problem

My husband and I received a card from his grandparents with his name spent incorrectly and my name wrong eg Louisa not Louise. We've been together 11 years and I've met them lots of times! They're also not very old for grandparents so they can't use that as an excuse.

kazzyhoward I think if someone uses their Dr title then using that on a card instead of Mrs and Mrs isn’t a problem really? Not all Drs use their professional title outside of work though but I think if you are sending a card to Mrs and Mrs then it’s no big change to send it to Dr and Mrs or Mr and Dr etc.

But these things are hard to remember correclty for everyone all the time.

My nephew is 12 and there are two spellings of his name and every year I think 'Shit, how do I spell DNephew's name correctly so DSis doesn't get in a huff if she sees the gift tags on the presents and I've got it wrong'?

My ex neighbours always address our card Mr and Mrs B Seville, even though they are also friends with us on facebook so know full well that we are Ms B Seville and Mr Something Else. if anything, Mrs B Seville is my mother, who the neighbours have never met.

We're not married yet DP has an aunt who addresses her cards to Mr & Mrs B Hisname.

It doesn't bother me a jot, I know she knows we're not married and I don't have his surname, it's just for her ease?

She names us both and kids in the card, envelope goes in the recycling. No big deal.

Maybe it's me but I probably wouldn't even register if an envelope was addressed "incorrectly" and if I did register it, it certainly would not bother me.

My SIL always ALWAYS got the spelling of my mum's name wrong. And apart from a moment's private wince in seeing it AGAIN, she didn't care. Because she valued the important stuff.

OP you could go for the nuclear option... I did know a couple who got so incensed at this that her DH told his parents that if they couldn't address them properly, then he'd change his name to hers.

They suddenly found themselves able to remember her actual name.

*Mr & Mrs DHInitial DHSurname. I'm happy with both of those forms of address, both are correct.

Have you time travelled from the 1950s?*

Not at all. Even our 19 year old daughter sends letters to us addressed that way. Most of the cards I receive are from people of my sort of age (late forties), all different walks of life, education etc. but we all use Mr & Mrs his initial shared surname as a matter of course. Then again, all of my married friends, family and acquaintances share the husband's surname - the most recent wedding I went to was my cousin's 23 year old daughter and she most definitely has taken her husband's name.

I have absolutely no idea why. It’s a fucking hideous tradition.

Bugger: but how would you address it if they didn't share a surname? Surely you wouldn't just go "yeah fuck it, they can have his surname"

@blackdoggotmytongue
Are you implying that a Ph.D is somehow of lower status than an MD? If so you've got that backwards. Ph.Ds advance knowledge, whereas MDs merely apply existing knowledge, so in 'status' terms a Ph.D is higher up the pole.

Fizzy I'll suggest that to DH, my surname is far nicer anyway. 😉

If I was writing to a Dr I'd use their title. They've worked hard for that it's worth recognition even when I'm only writing socially.

@HereBeFuckery - absolutely! I also go by "John", "Dr Hunter", or "Mr Hunter"; and really couldn't care which. One card this year was simply addressed to "The Hunter Family" from an uncle who clearly can't keep up with what my kids are called.

Lonely but don't you look at the envelope before opting the letter to make sure it's for you?

Bugger: but how would you address it if they didn't share a surname? Surely you wouldn't just go "yeah fuck it, they can have his surname"

I don't actually know any married couples who DON'T share a surname! My same sex married friends have double barrelled their names and choose to be addressed as Messrs. Smith-Green (not actual name).

My brother and his partner aren't married so their card was addressed to Miss HerInitial HerSurname and Mr HisInitial HisSurname. If they ever marry then I will, of course, ask how my sister in law would like to be addressed. I personally think addressing an envelope for postage with just "Janet & Dave" is a bit rude.

If someone in RL complained to me about a wrong name or mis-spelled name on an envelope, I swear to god, I'd disown them. As I said on the other thread about this...you're not that important that no-one should ever make a mistake regarding your name.

There's a big difference between people who absent mindedly get it wrong and people who pointedly refuse to use the correct name because they object to the OP not using her dh's name. The latter is worth kicking off about and is a feminist issue. Having one's identity denied is a big deal, not some piddling little detail.

It's fucking rude to insist on calling someone a name other than the one thry answer to!

"But these things are hard to remember correclty for everyone all the time."

Not if you write it correctly in your address book - because unless you have an amazing memory you'll write cards from that not from memory. Getting someone's name right (ie what they want to be called, not what you think they ought to be called) is basic courtesy.