Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

I used to send over 50 cards - often to people that I don't see often but like to know that they are ok, to neighbours of my Mum's whose surnames I never knew, to colleagues whose first names I was never sure how to spell, etc.

I get cards with my first name spelt three different ways, my surname also and some to me with my kids' surname, (not mine). Ex DP got cards addressed to Mr mysurname. Who the fuck cares! Really - we just want to say that we are thinking of you at this time of year, we wish you all the best and that this is a nice way to cheer up a dull shelf. It isn't a legal document - it's a good wish,

Sorry you have such a bad relationship with your Aunt, Titty. I only have one Aunt left and wouldn't dream of being so nit picky with her.

The OP doesn’t have an issue with keeping her name, and people getting it wrong.

She doesn’t have an issue with people assuming she is now a mrs, or that people assume she goes by her husbands surname.

She isn’t binning cards left right and centre for people that ‘get it wrong’.

She is annoyed that her family have ignored her name, and deliberately ignored her wishes, because they (I assume) don’t agree with her.

It’s not feminism gawn mad, it’s just petty family crap.

Oh and titty - so it's ok for you make a fuss about how you want to be addressed but when someone else says that they wished to be addressed a particular way you belittle them.

It was the “both are correct” statement. How can it ever be correct to refer to a woman using her husband’s first name?

Why are people so sensitive, it's just a name on a card - a couple of years ago we received a card to 'Ragwort and first husband name' - I have been married to my second husband for over 25 years - we just laughed it off.

If someone shrugs at what you insist is incorrect, that really annoys you doesn't it. I get that about the incorrect use of the apostrophe etc. Many call me a joyless pedant .

I really cannot bring myself to give any sort of level of shit about this. But I seems that it gets loads of people in a lather. It's a Christmas card. Not a death threat.

Totty May I present ... Princess Michael of Kent. She uses his name, by choice, because it gives her the title. I can’t stand the woman (and am indifferent to royals in general) but it can be correct to use a husbands first name.
HTH.

Sorry, Titty not Totty. That wasn’t deliberate, I pr9mise. My iPad is a prude.

YANBU to be annoyed if people definitely know that you have kept your maiden name and chose to ignore this. But most people probably just don't realise that you didn't change your name on marriage.

I have kept my maiden name, but I don't necessarily know which of my friends have also kept theirs. And lots of women keep their maiden name for work, but use their married name for social things, which makes it even harder. Did you make some announcement about keeping your name when you married, OP? If not, how are people supposed to know?

People often get both my name and title wrong, but I cut them slack because I assume I get other people's wrong at times.

My first name is long and subject to all sorts of short versions. My actual nick name bears no relationship to my first name. I get cards using all sorts of abbreviated version or my actual nick name.
Meh.

This isn't even a first world problem.

That’s all kinds of twatfuckery

🤣 It certainly is. I got 2 parcels today from my friend that were addressed to "Flo Bumbags" No Sunday name, no title. Did it occur to me to return them in a huff? No. Because if someone goes to the trouble of sending presents to me and the kids (and my present was fucking ace) I'm grateful and straight on Amazon Prime

That said, he didn't send DH a present so maybe I should get my arse in my hand about that 🤔

Totty - you can check the etiquette on Debrett's website (if you wish to do so ).

It is considered correct in certain circles to use the husband's name in the woman's 'form of address';

ie: Mary Jones marries John Smith and becomes Mrs John Smith

If Mr and Mrs Smith divorce she may be known as Mrs Mary Smith.

I appreciate that is very old fashioned, but it is the 'correct' form of address.

My dad addressed a card to us in this way, despite me still having his surname! He got all pissy when I told him (again) to stop addressing me in that way.

WOW. I bet the post person really cares about that as they shove your card full of good wishes through the letter box!! Precious.

Sorry the threads moved a long a bit so I'll read back properly in a min.

After we got married they announced us as "mr Smith and Ms Jones" all my social media, email etc is listed as Sarah Jones, our DD has a double barreled surname and both DH and myself have mentioned to people numerous times that my surname is not the same as his.

Obviously I didn't mind when wedding cards were addressed to Mr and Mrs as unless they asked (which tbf all our friends and most of our family did) they wouldn't know.

It has now been three years of me politely saying "thanks for the card, just FYI my name hasn't changed". The main offenders are people on my DHs side of the family who go on and on about me not changing my name so I feel they are definitely doing it to voice their opinion on my name.

You seriously need to get over yourself.

Also what's a "Sunday name"?

I don't know why I need to get over myself. Surely anybody would be annoyed if someone kept calling them a completely different name?

I know how you feel. Every bday card I had thru the post this year had my wrong surname on it (didn’t change it 15 yrs ago) and this was from family and friends. Every. Single. Fucking. Card. I was well pissed off!

It is considered correct in certain circles to use the husband's name in the woman's 'form of address

Ragwort is quite right. I have elderly relatives who would be extremely offended if I addressed the envelope as Mrs Sarah Aged-Aunt, not Mrs John Aged-Aunt, even though John has been dead 20 years, because this implies they were divorced. I even have one or two who would introduce a woman face-to-face as Mrs John Aged-Aunt. I try not to get this contingent confused with those who have kept their maiden names when I write my Christmas cards

ZeeBee
YANBU. I'm a "Dr" not a "Mrs" and it really winds me up when certain people close to me - extended family - still insist on sending Xmas cards to "Mr and Mrs".
It is a bit much to insist on you formal address when it's a family Christmas card.
I work for an organisation where a large percentage of the staff have PhDs. not one of them would insist on being called Doctor, (or Mr, Miss. Ms or Mrs), in a social situation.

The main offenders are people on my DHs side of the family who go on and on about me not changing my name so I feel they are definitely doing it to voice their opinion on my name

You are definitely NBU to be annoyed about them!

Imagine being so insecure you insisted family and friends address you as Doctor? That's flabbergasting
Who knew wishing people the compliments of the season could be the cause of such angst?!