Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

@gwenhwyfar i wasn’t speaking about civil partnerships I was talking about Ms, Miss & Mrs.

Wow - 350 posts before someone chipped in with the old "snowflake" crap.

"@gwenhwyfar i wasn’t speaking about civil partnerships I was talking about Ms, Miss & Mrs."

I made a point that some people were stupid and you were answering that one, so we were talking about civil partnerships.

I bet Dhs Nan would be really annoyed if we sent her a card addressed to Steven when his name is Rose
The generation that learned to address envelopes in a specific way for 11+ get thrown by current lack of punctuation etc. not to mention non-adherence to forms of address. If you address her as Mrs Rose * your suggesting she's a divorced woman... which might upset her. But none of it really matters. Rip the envelope off, save the stamp if you have a charity that collects them and bask in the love sent via a simple Christmas card.

Personally, I go through peoples Christmas cards in January and check names, etc. It’s a quick job and saves any flack.
I still get people calling me other names; nicknames and maiden name. I really CBA to have a hissy fit if somebody calls me hubby’s surname or something else, so long as it’s polite. I have bigger and better stuff to worry about, particularly as it’s DD’s birthday two days before.
So get off your horse and calm down. Your blood pressure must be threw the roof by now.
Laugh it off, forget about it, and get on with what really matters; your nearest and dearest!

Well said. This thread reminds me of one of my clients taking offence that I'd used pink tabs on documents to indicate to her where to sign them. She thought I'd deliberately used pink because she was female and I got a ranty email about sexism etc. In fact, until that, I'd never even given the colours a second thought. They come in packs of assorted colours and I just use whatever pile seems highest. Definitely becoming a generation of snowflakes who take offence at every little thing.

Oh quite. I mean, I know it's ridiculous that I care about whether people use my correct name or not and that I should just graciously accept whatever name people choose to call me. I'm sure my DH would absolutely feel that way if people continually used the wrong name for him.

Thankfully I had my blood pressure checked the other day and it was just fine and I've managed to control the hysterical fits so far but who knows, there's still time. I'm so lucky to have a completely blessed life where nothing bad ever happens to me or anyone else, no challenges, no issues, no real problems. I don't know how all you people with bigger and better things to worry about cope... I'm melting at the thought of it.

Okay, I have only R 1/2 TFT, but I think YANBU, OP. Getting people's names right is a sign of respect for them, and it's not U to hope that anyone sending you a card would show a bit of consideration.

Addressing cards using people's titles is, again, respectful. If I didn't use first names, I'd address cards to my PIL as Mr and Dr Doom instead of Mr and Mrs Doom, as my MIL worked hard for her PhD! Even Debretts agrees on this one, BTW.

I don't think it's U to try to respect the way people would like to be addressed. For most people on my list, first names are fine, but I know that my neighbours prefer to be Sir John and Lady Mary Doom-Adjacent, and so they are. My other neighbours would be fine with Mr and Mrs Othersideofdoom, but the we're close and they're informal, so we address their cards to Jack and Jane.

If you have too many cards to write to show people the courtesy of addressing them as they would wish to be addressed, then perhaps you should rethink the number of cards you write or the time you have allocated to writing them!

You will LOVE this. Having a short stay away in a hotel. I did all the organising because it isn't dh's strong point, shall we say. All the bumph says Mr My Name Surname. And the other guests in our family party includes Mrs DH name Surname!!

I organised our honeymoon.

2 weeks of being called Mr Myname meant DH has defended my decision to keep my name ever since.

Its Christmas. Supposedly the celebrated birth of Christ. Cursing about the way that you are addressed is more rude than is called for in my opinion. There are many reasons to be unhappy about things during this season, but you are being as petty they are. I know a couple who chose to not have the traditional name change. I do not like her; she has a large gilt framed photograph of herself on her desk, she sends boastful letters about herself and children while barely mentioning her husband, their father, she and I do not have anything in common except our husbands were friends. I purposely call her Mrs. Hislastname bc she annoys me and I assume my bit of passive aggressiveness evens us out. Giving people such an easy way to annoy you is magnamous, thank you.

Don’t mean to offend anyone but writing cards is a pain in the bum and it’s hard enough keeping track of people you don’t see oftens children’s names, never mind you partners and getting to grips with new surnames etc.
I have sent cards to John and Mary and then when they have married still felt unsure or can’t remember new surname it’s a minefield.
Bigger things to worry about.

Wow Abby you sound very pleasant. So women who do not change their names are arrogant are they?

Ha ha Abbylee - amazing post. Thanks for confirming that people deliberately use the wrong name for women in order in order to PA insult them.

Brightey and all you others with more important things to worry about and who find writing cards a pain - Stop Sending Cards! Not environmentally friendly and if you can't be arsed to ensure you're addressing the card to the right person, what's the point?

KazzyHoward sums it all up very succinctly. There are those for whom this is a big issue and those of us for whom it matters not one jot.

The point I cannot understand is why those who don't like to be 'Mrs' or 'Mrs John Smith' feel they have the right to impose their views on others.

I like to be addressed as MRS Kittens.
It's my preferred choice. Made with full control of my faculties and with sufficient education to be aware that to some people it may signify some form of male ownership.
I choose not to see it like that as we do not live in a time when women are seen as legally 'owned' property by a man.
Perhaps if those were the current laws of the land I would choose a different honorific. However we live in a time where that is NOT the case and so now , to me it signifies my public declaration of marriage to my DH. No more, no less.
However this is my preference. If my neighbours, friends or relatives chose to address me as Miss Maiden name, or Ms Maiden name I would think it a little strange (simply because I've been known by my married name for so long) but again, accept that it was their choice to do so.

I can accept that I cannot and do not wish to dictate the behaviour of others simply to pander to my own political views. The most I can do is express a preference and leave it at that.
There is also a very big chance that those who take such offence at this - are leaving themselves wide open to be wound up. If you showed no interest- then there would be no joy in seeing irritation intentional 'mis- naming' causes.

Wow, these posts are getting better and better. Particularly enjoying the idea that women expecting to be called their actual names and not just whatever people choose to call them is a "political view" they cannot expect others to pander to.

However we live in a time where that is NOT the case and so now , to me it signifies my public declaration of marriage to my DH. No more, no less.

It’s almost 2018. How is it still the case that women are expected to do this, and worse, enjoy public declarations of their marital status that men are not expected to make?

If someone earns a PhD, they can wear their Dr title with pride. What achievement is marriage?

And this is why I don’t send cards, except to a couple of elderly relatives who live far away. (Yes I would be happy if I got none in return, especially the ones with the boring ‘where I went on my 8 holidays last year and aren’t my children just so successful’ letters- please just fuck off)

If someone earns a PhD, they can wear their Dr title with pride.

In business/official circles, yes, but incredibly strange to use a title or letters after your name, etc in personal/informal settings.

"And this is why I don’t send cards"

How do you manage other times when it's expected you'll know people's names?
(The names they actually use, not some other version that other people might think they should)

Good question Rancid I thought back and realised the only occasion I’d had to write formally (outside work) to a couple in the last year was a reply to a wedding invitation. Obviously that was easy as I addressed it using the titles they’d used themselves. Birthday cards are just addressed to one person so that’s easy too. Work stuff I use their ‘published’ name (and title if appropriate) though I’ve only sent one actual business letter this year. The rest have been electronic.

incredibly strange to use a title or letters after your name, etc in personal/informal settings.

In what informal situation would you use Ms/Mrs etc that you wouldn’t use Dr?

When I got married I (grudgingly) hyphenated my name so I am Mrs Polkadotpixie-DH Surname

I wanted to keep my own name as I had happily been Miss Polkadotpixie for 31 years. DH was equally adamant he wanted me to take his name so we compromised

Any personal correspondence almost invariably comes addressed to Mr & Mrs DH Surname. It really pisses me off

DH was equally adamant he wanted me to take his name so we compromised

If he didn’t go through deed poll to add your name this was not a compromise.

"DH was equally adamant he wanted me to take his name so we compromised"

I hope I'd be able to spot a sexist man from the first few dates so wouldn't end up marrying one.