Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

Funny because I don’t remember saying that?

My post is directed to everyone who is angry or over sensitive to a mistake!

My post is directed to everyone who has posted on this thread saying "it's meaningless just be grateful".

I am a doctor and I have a PhD, I am married and have not changed my name. I couldn't give a toss what's on a card but any that arrive with Dr on them make me wonder if they think I am stuck up like my cousin who insists on Dr....even on his wedding invite

Well your last few posts directed at me, hence my responses!

Also I think most people who wrote that probably didn’t read the full thread and would have been a lot more sensitive to your opinion if they’d read that.
Others won’t and others will have a firm belief on keeping their husbands name. Personally I couldn’t care less and haven’t made that decision yet. My family are not from England and where we are from most surnames are very common. Mine isn’t. It’s ugly as well but I’m considering keeping it as the name is dying out. I guess everyone has their reasons

To the person who said that they are only getting my title wrong, they are getting my title and my name wrong. My name isn't the same as DHs.

Sorry I made that unclear. Mrs is a title for when you are married. Miss before marriage and Ms for being divorced.
You said you didn’t go by Mrs but that is the legal title for a married woman?
I think this is correct. I can’t be bothered to google.

Ms is supposed to used if you are divorced otherwise you remain miss. Ms is a title which can be used if you don't want to broadcast your married status to complete strangers. It doesn't mean you're divorced, although I gather from mumsnet that's a common misperception.

Any card not addressed to me by my name would go in the bin.

"that is the legal title for a married woman? "

There's nothing legal about it, it's just a custom.

Ms only means divorced in the world of the stupid or misinformed.

So are you saying that if your husband is John Smith and you receive a letter or parcel addressed to Mrs J Smith you would cut your nose off to spite your face and not open it?

How petty and childish

If some elderly relative has taken the trouble to select a gift or send you a card you would throw it back in their face because of "principles"?

If it had been addressed to Mrs H Brown then it clearly isn't meant for you, but you sometimes need to be grown up about it and overcome your "principles" and be the bigger person, and less ungrateful - and then politely point out that your name is Ms Feminist, and please could they address your post correctly in future. I suspect with an attitude like yours they deliberately do it to piss you off

There you go, I stand corrected. Just shows you how easy it is to make a mistake.
I will now start using Ms again 😂

Some people really are stupid. I was asked my marital status on the phone by a company once. When I replied 'unmarried', he asked if that meant divorced.
A friend working in HR said lots of his straight colleagues had ticked the box for 'civil partnership' as they thought it meant the same as cohabiting.

Well... all my documentation, driving license, passport, bills, bank account etc say Ms on them as Ii don't understand why a woman's marital status has to be out there for all to see when a man is Mr regardless.

So... legally I'd use and, as it's what's on all my ids etc.

@LoniceraJaponica yes, if a parcel came through my door with the wrong title, first initial and surname. No I wouldn't open it.

I might give it to DH as it has his correct first initial and surname but incorrect title.

*So are you saying that if your husband is John Smith and you receive a letter or parcel addressed to Mrs J Smith you would cut your nose off to spite your face and not open it?

How petty and childish*

It's petty and childish to send parcels using a form of address that an individual objects to and which isn't theirs. Age is no excuse.

@gwenhwyfar not really fair to call people stupid. On a lot of forms co-habiting wasn’t an option so I had to choose between single, married or civil partnership but I wasn’t any if these.
If you have no reason to come across these issues then why would people know.
I genuinely didn’t know the difference between Ms, Miss and Mrs, well I thought I did but was corrected. Is this now going to be a debate about who got a better education? Just because I was unclear about something gives you no right to call someone stupid.
Once again proves that genuine mistakes can happen!

Someone if you are cohabiting, it has no legal meaning whatsoever and so for the purposes of that form you should tick the single box. Because legally that is what you are. I think a lot of cohabitees think their relationship has some kind of legal status and it damages (mostly) women because it affords no legal rights.

I wanna beat me to it. But on form it's you legal relationship status, so you're either married, single, divorced whatever... cohabiting isn't a legal status so you just tick single.

"It's petty and childish to send parcels using a form of address that an individual objects to and which isn't theirs."

Does the sender know that it is incorrect? Or are they deliberately winding you up because they think you are being a bit too precious?

I admit that I wouldn't like being addressed as Mrs his initial our surname, but I am not uptight about it the way you are. Life is too short and all that. I have bigger and more important things to worry about.

It's petty and childish to send parcels using a form of address that an individual objects to and which isn't theirs. Age is no excuse

It's extremely paranoid and arrogant to think anyone is that interested in you to do such a thing on purpose. They do what they think is right, just because you get all snowflakey about it doesn't mean they are the petty and childish ones. That would be you.

"It's petty and childish to send parcels using a form of address that an individual objects to and which isn't theirs. Age is no excuse"

I ask again. Does the sender know it is wrong? And don't you think that you are being just as silly to return it?

@LoniceraJaponica the package in question is hypothetical.

The cards are being sent by people who have been told many times what my name is, I've only ever had one name which they had no problem writing on cards before we got married.

@CurryWorst 1) it's not being a "snowflake" to want people to send you correspondence with your name on it.

2. if they are so disinterested in me that they can't even remember my name don't put it on the card at all.

Ps: the snowflake thing comes from fight club, a book about how toxic masculinity can lead to extremism. Not sure it's relevant here.

"If you have no reason to come across these issues then why would people know. "

When civil partnerships fist came out they were in the news a lot. There was/is even a campaign to have civil partnerships for straight people so I think anyone who follows the news, even vaguely, would know that civil partnerships in this country are only for gay people.

Age is no excuse. Being brought up in a different culture is an
excuse. The whole culture of what is thought to be polite behaviour has changed enormously over the last 50 years. And if you are an older person who mixes socially mainly with people of your own age, then you may not be fully aware of the extent to what you've learnt as polite behaviour is now seen as rude.

But I broadly agree It's petty and childish to send parcels using a form of address that an individual objects to and which isn't theirs. Maybe not childish and petty, maybe simply rude and arrogant.