Every god damn year!!!

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

Came home today to find another Christmas card through the letter box addressed to Mr and Mrs J Smith, that's the third this year that has been addressed this way.

I didn't change my name when I got married and I don't go by Mrs. Why can't people (in laws) just get my bloody name right! It's not hard to address the envelope to John and Sarah is it?

I would never address a Christmas card to Shaun when their name is Sean, I'd make sure I'd got it right before posting. So AIBU to think this is just bloody rude and to tell the many offenders to get my name right in future or just don't include me in the card at all?

In order to get to Mr and Mrs a man need do nothing administratively. A woman needs to jump through all sorts of hoops.

What hoops? I did have to show the bank my marriage certificate but any other organisation was just told that I had married. Unless it's all changed recently, I became legally entitled to use my husband's name when I married him. If he'd wanted to use my name then their would have been hoops to jump through.

Grumpy squirrel I understand that but if the purpose of marriage was for legal reasons wouldn’t a will or hiring a solicitor to divide assets be cheaper and less of a fuss than marriage?
I think these threads are probably a bit touchy. I understand it’s frustrating to be called a different name. It happens to me every year, people always misspell my name and yes it’s a bit annoying but I would never be annoyed enough to write a thread about it. Shouldn’t we shrug somethings off otherwise we will spend our lives being angry. To be honest I was just grateful for the card.
Before sitting down to write my cards this year I questioned myself numerous times. Do I put Dear or To, do I sign Love or from. Do I include my children’s names or write from me & family, do I write my name first or my partners. Do I write out all individual names or write it to persons name & family. Shall I address it to husband or wife or one name.
To be honest I have a lot more things to worry about than how to write a Christmas card. I have about 50 cards to write and yes I do have address book but I can fit in one name not two. It just seems like you can’t do right for doing wrong. Now I need to worry about offending people whilst doing a nice gesture.

There are definitely more hoops to hyphenate. via deed poll you even need to get your husband's 'permission'. shocking.

Actually a man or woman can change their name at marriage, or even swap! All's you have to do is present your marriage certificate to the bank, DVLA, Doctors etc

"Marriage" has evolved from the days when women were being passed from the ownership of the father to the ownership of the husband, from the days when there was no such thing as marital rape, and from the days when it was only possible for a man to marry a woman.

Marriage still has relevance in today's society but under a different guise than before.

If people will insist on calling women "Mrs Man's Name" when they have said that is not their name, they should not be surprised or disappointed to hear that their cards are less pleasantly received than those who have listened to the woman they are addressing.

@Someonessnackbitch unfortunately you can't get the same legal protections that way.

Besides, why can't I pick and choose what "traditions" of marriage are relevant to me as a modern woman in an equal partnership? Institutions and traditions evolve over time. These days we aren't inclined to think of women as their fathers or husbands property, thankfully.

I don't get "massively offended" if someone writes to me as Mrs DHname, it's just so predictable and disappointing.

I think even if you are in the other camp, you must be able to recognise how crazy it is that this is still the default, even in 2017? And that men would not be expected to be addressed as Mr DWname. Or even Mr double barrelled name.

My own parents used to do this to me when I was married. And I didn't change my name because otherwise the surname would have died out with my dad, so for him effectively (and also I didn't really want to which turned out as it happened to have been very wise )
It used to Piss me off no end. I think it's quite rude actually!!

My main issue with threads like these is that people seem to think it’s an attack on equality and is a way to oppress women. Just chill. Sometimes people make mistakes. It’s not intentional, although OP thinks hers is and may well be. In most cases it’s just a genuine mistake. All my friends are not married and I address cards to one person. Next people will be offended that I didn’t write both names on cards. It’s not as much of a big deal as people are making it out to be. If a thread is written each time someone makes a genuine mistake then we will live in an extremely sensitive society.

Or should I say angry society

"If a thread is written each time someone makes a genuine mistake then we will live in an extremely sensitive society."

Good job you acknowledge that is not what this thread is about: "OP thinks hers is {intentional} and may well be."

A genuine mistake is a one-off, from someone who usually uses your actual name. Not obtuseness from people who this that what they want to call you is somehow more correct than your actual name.

Why can’t some of you see that this isn’t about a one off? It’s about a refusal to learn a person’s name. I have an unusual name and don’t get too worried about misspellings from strangers. But family. WTF? You’ve known me for 40 years. Learn my name.

I really don't care. I didn't t change my name and it makes me smile to see post addressed to DS as fekko fekko (late dads name).

@Rancid I totally agree but a lot of people posting are posting in anger towards the unintentional mistake.

When it comes to in laws I think it depends on the age. If it were my parents (50) they would take that on board and would not write the wrong name under any circumstance. If it were my grandparents (70) they would definitely accidentally do this without thinking they would offend. Even if they were told they genuinely wouldn’t see it as a problem. Some may say this is an issue. I don’t think it is. A lot has changed in their life time A LOT. They are open to changes and try and alter their views to today, which I think is great. Sometimes they are just oblivious.

My in laws still call my children by the wrong names, fair enough it may be hard to roll off their tongue, but I just let them carry on now, I don’t let it get to me. I make a joke about it every once in a while, but it is just a light hearted joke. Then they joke saying it’s my fault for calling her that.

I totally agree but a lot of people posting are posting in anger towards the unintentional mistake

A lot of people?

Who?

The first time, unintentional mistake, no problem. After that it's either thoughtless or deliberate. So, no, don't feel the need to be particularly grateful for a card on that basis.

As you can see many have not read the full thread and many have said ‘yes it really annoys me when this happens’ etc those were based on an unintentional mistake. The original post doesn’t mention it being malicious as is mentioned later in thread.
I’m not married and I get cards addresses to mr & mrs and tbh it makes me giggle not angry.

"It annoys me" does not equate to "posting in anger".

Omg seriously are you picking up on annoying and anger. There’s been a lot of talk of medieval ages, feminism, equality etc. So some are annoyed some are angry. The fact this is about the hundredth thread on this this year, there has been a HUGE amount of anger towards this. Read the other threads.
I think maybe relax a little as there are going to be things in life which are much more stressful than a letter to mrs husbandsname.

Yes. It annoys me and it annoys me on the basis of feminism and equality, as I and others have mentioned on this thread. It doesn't enrage me unless someone is doing it deliberately and I don't see "a lot" of other posters being enraged by someone accidentally assuming they'd changed their names after marriage.

Being annoyed by something does not equate to "anger" or that other favourite "hysteria".

Well maybe have a look at the long line of exactly the same thread as this and you’ll understand what I mean.

Maybe I should revert back to the work sensitive.

*word

Sure, that works I guess, as I think people who keep telling women they shouldn't care whether they are being called the wrong name and should just shut up and be grateful are being very insensitive.

It is an issue I am sensitive to.

Funny because I don’t remember saying that?
Like I said sometimes it’s not about feminism or equality it’s about a genuine mistake. I also said that if it’s deliberate then that’s not ok. My post is directed to everyone who is angry or over sensitive to a mistake!
It’s christmas and there’s a huge amount of pressure for everyone. I’m doing a nice gesture and now on top of feeling pressurised to do everything I can, I now need to remember every little detail. It’s not your name it’s your title you have an issue with. Ms is supposed to used if you are divorced otherwise you remain miss. I don’t actually care I’ve unknowingly been using ms my whole life!