This is my first thread, but I think I need some other perspectives here. Sorry for the length, as the whole thing's a bit fraught.
Background: every year, my DH's family celebrates Christmas the exact same way. When I married him, they expected all the traditions to continue the same: including having us sleep over on the floor of their already packed apartment so we could "wake up to Christmas," which they've all done since they were children. DH used to do it as a grown-up before we married (even after college, and even though he's always lived nearby). As we (still) lived nearby and I have medical issues that would make it difficult we declined the very first year, which did put several noses out of joint (although they were aware of my health issues) but the precedent was set and everyone was fine with it by the next year.
Fast forward several more years and we now have a baby under a year old. I should add that the only other change in tradition that's been "allowed" up to this point by DH's family is that the now married children can go visit their spouse's parents for a few hours before coming back in the evening. It's been this way for the past several years, which short-changes my parents a bit, but they're less sticklers for tradition and have been very gracious about it.
Our problem is this: the back and forth no longer works with a baby, so we've let everyone know that this year we're doing our own Christmas at home in the morning, and splitting our afternoon availability between DH's family and mine, who mercifully live somewhat close together. My parents, as always, are fine with it.
We know DH's family's day is structured with traditions so we've said not to change anything or wait for us, and that if it doesn't work for them to have us during the time we're available for them, not to worry about it. We'll spend Christmas with my folks.
Apparently we've now ruined Christmas. We've had push-back from several of DH's family (all with no children) about how much more convenient it would be for them not to have to change the layout of the day to accommodate us (which we've not asked for). We've had requests to exchange our availability for them with the time we reserved for my folks (which doesn't work for the baby's sleep/eat schedule - he's never been to DH's family to visit as he's not been invited, but his high chair/playpen/etc. are at my parents' house and we've timed it so that he'd have access to them at the right point).
DH's family has since then all discussed it between them and told us what their plan for us that day is. We've nicely declined and repeated our availability. I received a pursed-lips reply that they'd "have to check with everybody and get back to you, and we'll find something that works for EVERYONE." I'm honestly I'm not quite sure what that means, as we really can't change our availability that day. It either works for them or it doesn't.
The reason they want us to change our plans appears to be the fact that we'll be at DH's family's house during the time that the other grown-up children have "always" visited their spouses' families, and that they'll miss seeing the baby if we don't change times. While I do understand, if they do REALLY want to see the baby there doesn't appear to be any reason they can't. We gave them a week's advance notice to plan, and DH's siblings are married into my extended family. I've spoken with them about our plans in advance and they told me not to worry, that they'd be sure to get with us at some point that day; and if not, they'd see us at the family party the weekend before.
DH and I have discussed it, and both agreed we had laid out the day based on what was best for the baby, but I've gotten bombarded again today until I'm feeling a bit crap about the whole thing and wondering if there's something horrible I've missed. Now it's being suggested that everyone be invited back to mine in the afternoon instead, which would definitely ruin all the evening traditions, so I don't understand it at all. AIBU to just want to stick to the original plan?