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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit of a crappy gift??;

159 replies

sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:15

Okay I feel really greedy and entitled saying this but I need to let it out. I met with parents of my boyfriend of 2 years last month (they live abroad). Absolutely lovely ppl!. Over the past two years I have always sent his two nephews very decent bday gifts from both of us and his brother has always said that he knows it's me who chooses them as my dp doesn't have a clue (I have never met them in person as they live abroad) I have also bought very expensive gifts for his parents' bdays too.
At the end of the evening his mother handed me a brown paper bag. I was horrified when I got home and opened it!! It contained the cheapest, ugliest square scarf!!
I know it makes me sound materialistic but I would Never ever do that to anyone!! They are well off and have no financial issues but this is not about the finances. I just can't understand why anyone would do that???
I didn't mention to dp I just put the scarf away but I keep thinking about it and what it meant??!

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 21/12/2017 11:18

Well, now you have seen the thanks you get for taking on someone else’s present buying responsibilities. (Why you would do that in the first place is beyond me! There his nephews and parents!) so, lesson learned, stick to your one family. Let him sort his.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/12/2017 11:20

I don't think it meant anything. They probably couldn't be bothered.
I find it odd that you go to such lengths to send his nephews presents whom you've never met.
I think you put too much thought into these sort of things so when its not reciprocated you end up thinking WTF.
Some people genuinely can't be bothered.

Fekko · 21/12/2017 11:20

Was it a Christmas gift or just a gift? How ugly are we talking here...?

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:21

It was like a cotton tea towel

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:21

No it wasn't a Xmas gift Frekko. Just a meeting me for the first time

OP posts:
Fekko · 21/12/2017 11:22

Can you say where they are from? Maybe it's not so awful where they are?

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:24

Hong Kong...I mean really??? You can get the most beautiful scarfs there!!

OP posts:
toooldforthisshirt37 · 21/12/2017 11:24

Some people are just rubbish at buying presents. Also, if this is the first time you have met them perhaps they just didn't know what to buy? Alternatively, presents don't mean a lot to some people and they therefore dont't put as much thought and care into them as you do. Well that is the charitable train of thought.

My MiL bought me a nursery lamp for the first Christmas I knew her, I was 23, it was hideous and she has continued to buy wildly inappropriate gifts for the last 26 years. She is a wonderful person just a bit mad when it comes to gifts.

Don't take it personally unless it becomes a trend. Your relationship is primarily with your DP and not his parents.

greenhairymonster · 21/12/2017 11:24

Gift giving is filled with stress for the giver and disappointment for the receiver which is why I like to keep it to a minimum. Let your boyfriend look after his own gifting. Maybe it was a tea towel?

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:25

Maybe I am looking into this too much. I just wouldn't have the heart to buy such rubbish for anyone. I would rather not get anything

OP posts:
Fekko · 21/12/2017 11:25

Sounds like an afterthought but not a very good one!

CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 11:25

We need to see it OP

CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 11:26

Also why do you go to such efforts on his behalf for people you don’t even know? It seems a bit over invested or needy?

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:27

I don't have it with me at the moment! I think a pic would have been good! I was just so shocked and horrified that I just packed it away with the stuff I leave at his and left it!!! I almost didn't want him to see it and feel bad!!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/12/2017 11:28

Why are you choosing and sending gifts to his family? You’ve only been together 2 years (even though I have been with my husband 15 years and he buys all his family gifts). Just leave it to him, it’s his family!!

HuskyMcClusky · 21/12/2017 11:28

Are you absolutely sure it’s not an expensive brand / local brand / culturally significant (clutching at straws here...)?!

Tinselistacky · 21/12/2017 11:28

Pic op or ye lie. ....

CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 11:29

What design/colours is it? I bet it’s a decent but ugly designer scarf or something!

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:30

My reason for going overboard is that my partner has been very kind to me during a very crappy period. I know I should not expect anything back from them but I was just shocked.

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 21/12/2017 11:31

I bet it’s a decent but ugly designer scarf or something!

I reckon too. I’m guessing money but no taste.

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:31

No no no no!!!! It's not any designer brand!!! It really isn't. There is no label or even the washing / fabric info on

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:33

I wish I had it with me!! I'm visiting my family for Christmas so I can't show you all

OP posts:
YellowFlower201 · 21/12/2017 11:35

I think you're being precious. How do you know they don't like it? My mil bought me the ugliest ceramic plate with birds on it. She put a lot of thought into it as she picked one with Robins which I'd mentioned are cute. She had different taste to mine and I'd never use the plate but I still think it's a kind gift.

  1. Don't bother buying for his family. He can do that himself. 2. Calm down and don't take things so personally.
CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 11:38

No I’m sorry OP but we’re going to HAVE to locate an image!

Describe it and we’ll google!

astoundedgoat · 21/12/2017 11:39

Seriously - you need to stop with the wifework. It is NOT appreciated and it is inappropriate at best.

Hopefully the shit scarf is the wake-up call for this.

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