A bit of a crappy gift??;

[sleepytown]

Okay I feel really greedy and entitled saying this but I need to let it out. I met with parents of my boyfriend of 2 years last month (they live abroad). Absolutely lovely ppl!. Over the past two years I have always sent his two nephews very decent bday gifts from both of us and his brother has always said that he knows it's me who chooses them as my dp doesn't have a clue (I have never met them in person as they live abroad) I have also bought very expensive gifts for his parents' bdays too.
At the end of the evening his mother handed me a brown paper bag. I was horrified when I got home and opened it!! It contained the cheapest, ugliest square scarf!!
I know it makes me sound materialistic but I would Never ever do that to anyone!! They are well off and have no financial issues but this is not about the finances. I just can't understand why anyone would do that???
I didn't mention to dp I just put the scarf away but I keep thinking about it and what it meant??!

⬆️ I agree with astound.

I’d feel a bit sick if my adult sons new girlfriend (new at the time) started doing this.

Please, let’s locate this scarf!

Captain - okay it's bottle green, with black chequered pattern with a bit of red or purple in there. It felt like viscose. It was a square scarf but smaller than the standard square scarfs

are you sure it isn't actually a tea towel?!

Does it look like this?

www.zazzle.co.uk/chequered_swirly_pattern_green_and_black_tea_towel-197303236716833563

Pas - that is the colour but not the same scarf.

This isn’t ugly and could feel like viscose but it’s Dior, I bet there’s some meaning or expense to it!

i meant this is* ugly!

Could it be homemade? Made from the hair of dead relatives? A kneeling mat for your initiation ceremony into their clan?

It does sound a bit full on with your present buying.

You seem to have taken an aggressively insulted position about a fecking scarf OP. You don't seem miffed or hurt, it's as if they spat on your grannie's grave.

You need to detach the fact that you don't like it from the fact that you go overboard on gifts for his family. You're acting as if this is some sort of calculated insult when really, the bare bones of the matter is that someone bought you a scarf. Did you act gratefully? Or did you let this attitude show when you received it? Those gifts you gave - how would you feel if his family were sneering over them?

By the way, if he's been really lovely to you, treat him. Don't try and show off how wifely you can be by buying presents for his family.

Captain - def not the scarf!!! It too small to be used as a scarf or tea towel!!!

Captain - yes that is ugly despite being bloody expensive

There is no label or even the washing / fabric info on

Are you sure it isn't some kind of handmade/local/cultural thing?

I always go on the assumption that the giver did actually like something I didn't. I end up giving things I think are hideous to MIL and she loves them. I don't know what she'd think of something I thought looked nice!

Why are you sending his family expensive presents when you've only been going out for two years?

If it’s too small to be used as a scarf or a tea towel, I’d guess it’s not actually a scarf.

I bet it’s nit a scarf or a teatowel, I think there’s a mystery here and it’ll all make sense once it’s solved!

Furoshiki (Japanese knot wrapping) is very fashionable in HK this year. Are you sure they haven't given you a wrap rather than a scarf ??

*not 🤣

Placemat? And you will be getting the remaining 5 over the next 5 significant celebrations?!

Maybe they value gifts in a different way
It's like £ we all have different attitudes but it cd always be a last min panic
Also it's a bit like marmite - some like giving gifts and or are good at it
Others not
I used to be offended wen o got crap gifts from dh that he had not put thought into tho
One year a blue and white hat with elephants on from the oxfam fair trade shop
I get that he was try to buy me a gift as well as contribute to charity
I get it but I hated that gift as apart from charity element I do not like that styje ( ethnic sort of design ) as I like retro or very contemporary and have nothing like that gift in my life .
I think I felt sad because I felt he didn't know me well thought wise and it was so generic
I'd rather have a £ 1 primula plant which wd give me much joy .

Yes I think you could be right tinsel!!!

Dear OP,

This has happened to me tpo. The first year I spend Christmas with the extended in-law family, I bought thoughtful/personal presents for all. I received socks and cd´s. I continued the second and third year, but after receiving more cd´s and socks polyester scarves I now put it far less effort. I also urge my DH to put in some effort, but he never does unless I physically drag him to the shops.
What annoys me though is the attitude to our young kids: Where I make sure that I have something useful/fun for all (incl. the ones I have never seen/are not really related), our kids get the same tat as I do or nothing at all (last year my 5-year old received a ´make up´ set and my older one a very plasticky toy). This would still be fine but their own (grand)kids were receiving all sorts of quality toys and were endlessly unpacking. I really have to stop making an effort but it goes against my nature: I just cannot buy anything I wouldn´t like to receive!

I think you may have been a bit presumptuous putting both your names on the tag when you were a very new girlfriend. It might have looked as if you were jumping the gun a bit. Did you pay for the v expensive birthday presents to the parents and were they joint presents, too? Or just from you?

I agree with Captain. What will happen at Xmas? I wouldn't be giving my son and gf a joint present at this point. I'd be embarrassed to receive an expensive present and mine to her would smaller than I'd get for family.

Sorry but it really feels like you are rather shallow. So they gave you a scarf. So you didn't like it. Maybe they didn't know what to give you. Maybe the scarf has some meaning to them.
Get over it.

Ive known my in laws 30 years. Every year its the same old stuff, diabetic chocolate and tights. I dont wear tights and Im not diabetic but my mother in law is making a point that she doesn`t like me and never will. Maybe your DPs are doing the same.

Aw they're probably just not good gift givers. I doubt they mean anything bad by it. Do they celebrate Christmas themselves? I do think there's cultural differences with gift giving.