Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit of a crappy gift??;

159 replies

sleepytown · 21/12/2017 11:15

Okay I feel really greedy and entitled saying this but I need to let it out. I met with parents of my boyfriend of 2 years last month (they live abroad). Absolutely lovely ppl!. Over the past two years I have always sent his two nephews very decent bday gifts from both of us and his brother has always said that he knows it's me who chooses them as my dp doesn't have a clue (I have never met them in person as they live abroad) I have also bought very expensive gifts for his parents' bdays too.
At the end of the evening his mother handed me a brown paper bag. I was horrified when I got home and opened it!! It contained the cheapest, ugliest square scarf!!
I know it makes me sound materialistic but I would Never ever do that to anyone!! They are well off and have no financial issues but this is not about the finances. I just can't understand why anyone would do that???
I didn't mention to dp I just put the scarf away but I keep thinking about it and what it meant??!

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 21/12/2017 12:09

It's the brown paper bag that would get me. If it was wrapped up nicely, at least they'd made an effort. Are they from a culture that doesn't wrap presents perhaps?

Meeep · 21/12/2017 12:11

They might think it's beautiful!

EddieHitler · 21/12/2017 12:15

I think it was really nice that someone bought you a nice-to-meet-you gift, the thought was clearly there. It just sounds to me like a difference in taste. I see some people's god-awful gaudy wallpaper and wonder what the hell they were thinking, but they obviously love it. Shit analogy, but you know what I mean.

What was your nice-to-meet-you gift to them?

user1486915549 · 21/12/2017 12:19

You need to rein in your gift giving.
It would never occur to me to send gifts to nephews of a fairly new boyfriend, especially if I had never met them !

scampimom · 21/12/2017 12:20

So...people you've never met before and don't know you...didn't know what to get you because they have no idea what you like and what you don't...went out of their way to get you a gift JUST FOR MEETING THEM...which they didn't have to do....and it's not a Christmas present nor intended to be...and you're somehow being victimised?

What did YOU get for THEM for this first meeting, then?

usualGubbins · 21/12/2017 12:24

I was once given something similar from a manager who came over from our Chinese office. I thought it was a scarf but found out later it was a tea towel. Maybe a cultural thing?

CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 12:24

A Facebook friend of mine put up a big post after moving into her new house, loads of pictures of really OTT gaudy decor, silver velvet sofas, diamond headboard, huge crystal chandeliers, big statue of Mary in the garden and I thought it was screenshots from a traveler buy and sell page and a total piss take but it was real! I genuinely can’t believe someone would do that to a lovely new house but people were going mad for the glitz and glam of it so tastes vary, they may think handing something bohemian in a brown paper bag will mean more?

ptumbi · 21/12/2017 12:36

Why are you doing 'his' wifework? You've only been going tout for 2 years and you are buying expensive, thoughtful presents for people you have never met?

It'll never end. You'll never be able to get out of that!
And saying 'he doesn't have a clue' is NO excuse. He either gets a 'clue', or he gets the blame.

(I used to work with someone who moaned like billy-o that she 'had' to write all her DHs christmas cards. When I pointed out that HE could write them, she shrugged and said - he'd never do it. Ok, well, his family don't get cards then! Not your problem!) Angry He's a grown man and can work out consequences.

But the scarf - charity shop it. Use as a tea cloth. Bin it. It's a present, not an obligation.

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 12:37

Scampi - our gift was for his father as it happened to be his bday - a Harris tweed blazer

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 12:39

I can't understand why some ppl are getting so aggressive here??!

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 21/12/2017 12:41

Maybe someone nudge her to give you a gift and she grabbed the first thing she could find that was unused.
Don't make it into a big thing, just use it to make you smile and realise that you don't have to spend loads on gifts, as you must be trying too hard if that is what they get for you...

Original poster
sleepytown · 21/12/2017 12:41

Scampi at no point did I say I was or I felt that I am being victimised!!!

OP posts:
CaptainCorellisBigToe · 21/12/2017 12:42

Harris tweed blazer who’s paying for these gifts for his family?

scampimom · 21/12/2017 12:47

I just can't understand why anyone would do that???

Do what? Give you a present? Yeah, bastards.

user1471523870 · 21/12/2017 12:48

I really don't think this is personal. My in-laws are a bit the same. But it's not because they are tight or mean. It's just that they don't value gifts that much.
I am not from this country (been living here for 15 years) and they still live in our original country. There is much less craziness about presents over there. Over the years I got small bits for the kitchen like a spatula or a single pizza plate and even a recycled cheap-ish perfume set and never took offence. It's just that they don't understand the whole concept and they think literally ANYTHING will do, as a token of the affection they feel for you.
Not sure I made my point!

PeonyBucket · 21/12/2017 12:50

I've been married for 30+ years but have never chosen gifts for dh's family. That's his job. He's never chosen gifts for mine. That's my job.

midnightmisssuki · 21/12/2017 12:52

HK? Maybe something cultural OP? I know you don’t mean to come across as materialistic but... you might buy them nice presents and perhaps you feel they should get you the same but it doesn’t work like THat unfortunately.... if you use it that much (it would seem so!) just give it to the charity shop or just keep it in store and never use it (unless you want to when you see them!)

BellyBean · 21/12/2017 12:53

If they've been so kind and supportive this year, don't let this affect your relationship. Just chalk it down to being a really bad gift buyer and move on.

PeonyBucket · 21/12/2017 12:53

His family are rubbish at choosing gifts anyway. Last year he got a gadget for cleaning windows. Some folks just don't have the gift of gift choosing.

midnightmisssuki · 21/12/2017 12:53

^^hate it that much* Sorry for typo!

scampimom · 21/12/2017 12:54

user I think that's sort of what I was getting at in my rather clumsy way. Some people seem massively invested in presents and what they represent and what it means and how much they cost, and expect a comparable return on the emotional investment THEY put in. Others just cannot be arsed, don't put such great value on it, have a different approach, whatever, and aren't just crap human beings who are trying to convey messages of disdain or anything sinister or personal.

Debby1234 · 21/12/2017 13:01

At the end of the day - relationships are about give and take and if you are not receiving what you want from the relationship (including gifts) then it's time to end it. Do it now or regret it later when the presents are even worse and make you feel worthless as a result.

Debby

thecolonelbumminganugget · 21/12/2017 13:11

For the entire time you have been with your bf you have taken over buying presents for his family that you have never met?!

Take a step back and have a word with yourself. Stop trying so hard and act like a normal.

Chienrouge · 21/12/2017 13:16

Debby1234 you’d end a relationship because your partners mum bought you a present that you didn’t like?

BulletFox · 21/12/2017 13:20

sleepy I get what you mean, the scarf isn't nice. I only buy things for people which are beautiful or useful now.

Have you asked your dp about it...?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread