A bit of a crappy gift??;

[sleepytown]

Okay I feel really greedy and entitled saying this but I need to let it out. I met with parents of my boyfriend of 2 years last month (they live abroad). Absolutely lovely ppl!. Over the past two years I have always sent his two nephews very decent bday gifts from both of us and his brother has always said that he knows it's me who chooses them as my dp doesn't have a clue (I have never met them in person as they live abroad) I have also bought very expensive gifts for his parents' bdays too.
At the end of the evening his mother handed me a brown paper bag. I was horrified when I got home and opened it!! It contained the cheapest, ugliest square scarf!!
I know it makes me sound materialistic but I would Never ever do that to anyone!! They are well off and have no financial issues but this is not about the finances. I just can't understand why anyone would do that???
I didn't mention to dp I just put the scarf away but I keep thinking about it and what it meant??!

SLEEPYTOWN...
I'm wondering if your current boyfriend is my ex as this is EXACTLY the same circumstances and EXACTLY the same present!! if his initials are NM then dump immediately as he takes the piss and lies through his teeth!
If not then enjoy the scarf.....i totally understand your rage xx

Don't get into habit of buying gifts for your OH family - he should buy gifts for his own family. Just as you wouldn't expect him to buy your familys gifts.... It should be no different for either of you, and long term you will just make a rod for your own back...

Carry on buying gifts for his family if it pleases you to do so - but expect NOTHING. When I first started seeing my now husband , I bought his mother beautiful gifts.....tasteful, not cheap (as in trashy) often not my taste, but carefully chosen (I hoped) to reflect hers. In return I received godawful things which were like nothing I’d ever seen, received or wanted !!!.....after 15 years of marriage, I now accept the gulf of disparity betweeen her and I. She thinks shopping in Waitrose borders on heresy....she thinks I am a spendthrift with expensive tastes who has corrupted her son. I can’t repair or change this, and so I accept it- every year, I Steel myself to open revolting, nasty, unwanted Xmas gifts- they go straight in a bag for the charity shop. My husband does the same with his gifts from her - and then we both have a good laugh, and move on to nicer gifts. There are Some people, and some people’s behaviour that we will never understand or relate too. Laugh, forget it,move on - life is too short

Yup. Some people are good at buying presents, some really value presents. Some aren't and don't. I'm somewhere in the middle.
Don't sweat it, OP. Try to observe and work out what they think of you. That may not be via gifts.

Maybe his mum actually liked the scarf. If it's the first time you've met and therr isnt a back story i.cant see why it would be on purpose. Anyway just because u dont know they don't have any money issues doesn't mean they don't! No one knows what goes on behind closed doors

Not quite understanding here...
This was not a birthday/Christmas/important occasion gift. You had met them for the first time, and she handed you a brown paper bag with the scarf in it. Not wrapped like a gift, but in a bag. What did she say when she handed it to you? "This is a little something for you" or along those lines?
I'm wondering if it was something that she had been given, wasn't her cup of tea, and she was just passing it on to someone else. Perhaps it her mind it wasn't meant to be a present as such; she was just passing on something she thought a younger person might like.
Why would you not open it in front of her if you thought it was a gift? It seems odd not to open it and thank her at the time if you thought it was a present.

You may be over-thinking this one. Even if it was intended to be a gift for you, sometimes them's the breaks. There's not a person on the planet that hasn't had a duff gift at some point. She has only just met you. She doesn't know your personality yet, or your taste. Maybe the calibre of gift will improve. Maybe not.

My darling MIL of 25 years has had a hit rate of about 10% over the years with the various gifts bought for me. Some absolute horrors, honestly. You just shrug it off with a laugh and don't read too much into it. The relationship you have with each other is the important thing, not worrying about material stuff...

I sympathise with you OP. I have always shopped for and sent BIL a birthday and Christmas gift, as well as his two children and their partners. Never once has he shopped for or bought me, my DH or our children a gift for Christmas or Birthdays. It’s pretty insulting.

Tapandgo- it's not insulting if you're not that bothered with gifts. Some of us aren't, you know.

Can you answer the question about why you are buying his family gifts. Ok he has been kind to you but that not a good enough reason.

My MIL takes the toiletries from hotels, wraps them up individually and gives them to me as xmas presents..... they are well off but she's very tight. I'd be happy with a scarf

My first Xmas with dh i bought my MIL a very expensive crystal figure as she collects them, and I got the free toiletries.... I learned quickly and now I buy nothing, dh does all his family and I do mine

At least you got your gift. As a teenager, my first boyfriend's mum bought me a birthday gift, then lost it before wrapping and giving me it. That was that, no replacement or alternative, just an explanation from her that she had lost my present!

Maybe his mum actually liked the scarf.
This ^.

Unless her taste is exactly like yours, in terms of clothing and home decor , I would always assume such a gift was well intentioned, and be touched that she chose it for you.
In your shoes, I'd also feel pretty embarassed that I didn't get her a little gift (I'd think it more expected for you to give a small gift, as the sons girlfriend, than for her to give you something - it was really kind of her..).
I suggest you have a little think about your attitude, then show your boyfriend th scarf, tell him how much you appreciated it, and send her a nice thank you card, perhaps with a small, thoughtful gift in return.

There have been a lot of threads on here in the last week, about gifts which people have received, and considered not worthy of them, and there hasn't been one where I can feel a jot of sympathy. A gift is a gift, not a deal, or an entitlement - it's all horribly entitled :-(.

Mairead - a card to acknowledge a persons birthday isn’t a lot to ask - a sign your important day is remembered by family members. Sure - we all get on and celebrate regardless, but it’s pitifully mean to ignore or forget such occasions.

OMG is it Micksee15 ex op?!

I leave present buying to DP for his family. It's great, no stress. I also have low expectations for gifts to me so don't get disappointed.

I think it's only polite to wear the tiny scarf whenever you visit them from now on

If they are lovely people as you say then in the grand scale of things this is not important. Don't sweat the (very) small stuff.

Some people, especially when money is and has been no problem do not put much store in giving or receiving presents. You have invested too much on material things (no pun intended) . Why do you do all the selecting of gifts. You could perhaps do that of thing with DO instead of taking all the responsibility and being disappointed when folk don't seem to invest in you to the same extent.

Tandango- I have lots of nieces, nephews, BILS and SILS. I miss lots of birthdays but give gifts when I see them. I'm not fussed if they forget me birthday. Not all people do things your way.

Why all the aggression towards women buying gifts for their partners family? Everyone I know except two friends buys for their husbands family. Ok, I am surprised the OP does it already when they don't even live together but when I met my Mil and she told me my dh is so useless she hadn't had a birthday card in years I decided to take on the task of making the woman who raised my man, happy on her birthday and Christmas.
Now 20 years on, I call her Mum, she is MY family as much as my own Mum. Dh works 60+ hrs a week and cares for me (I'm disabled) and does most of the housework and childcare. I on the other hand, am a whiz with the online gift buying and I know what she and my bil will like.

It doesn't have to be some kind of under the thumb surrendered wife issue. It's a division of labour that plays to individuals strengths. I love buying people gifts, he doesn't. I genuinely can't get why people here are getting so het up over this.

I’d have loved a present of any kind when I first met my IL’s... DH & I had just got engaged and what I got was my future FIL saying “You do know my son doesn’t have any money, don’t you?” ...

Gift giving is an art. I taught my children how to buy gifts for people by thinking of the giftee instead of themselves. Obviously, your dp has not fallen far from that (outwardly lovely but in reality, insensitive) tree. Are his gifts to you nice??
Btw, i love to buy gifts and my dh is good at it, but hates it. I buy them for his dn and great dns. I'm not sure why op is being chastised for being kind.

It doesn't sound like the scarf is a gift as such. More likely a re-gift, something that the BF mum has no use of but the OP may like, given because the family has received gifts from the OP previously so feels like a "return gift" is needed. Culturally the OP should probably be the one bringing a gift as she is the "younger generation" meeting the "older generation" for the first time.

@sleepytown

I hope you're not buying presents for his family in order to be liked? If you are its futile. If anything happens to you and DP's relationship they will always side with the DP so I personally wouldn't invest in his family.

Sorry op but I'm laughing at you having a strop because you asked "where did I say I buy all the gifts" and people pointed out where you wrote it.