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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if men were 'in charge' of Christmas it would be a lot less stressful all round?

236 replies

PeanutButterIsEverything · 21/12/2017 06:43

Trying not to make this a sexist all men are lazy bastards type thread but I have seen so many threads about women getting really stressed about all the stuff there is to do with Christmas and I feel the same pressure to do it all. But my husband doesn't get stressed this time of year. He buys presents for his family and that's about it. He doesn't see the need for much of the other stuff.

I know there's a lot of talk about much of Christmas being 'wifework' and I do think that's true, we do take on a lot more of the mental load, the endless lists, recipe planning (and making freezer space, planning what to feed the relatives all the other days not just Christmas day), school plays, Christmas jumper days etc etc etc. And how much of this is necessary? Very little. We do it to make Christmas special but it's not needed, we've just got ourselves as women and society to a place where we feel that somehow we are failing if we don't send all the neighbours a card when we've not spoken to them all year, or we don't find the perfect gift for the teacher. I know lots of it is marketing driven but I think the marketing must be directed at women as they know we are the ones that buy all the food, many of the presents,, decorations and all the extra gubbins.

But don't leave it to the men or it won't get done, I hear you cry! But would that really be so bad? Maybe they wouldn't see the point. Christmas would be a lot more streamlined and less stressful I reckon. Not sure it's possible now though, we have built the Christmas juggernaut and now we have to keep driving it! So it's not men bashing, almost the opposite, maybe they have the right idea.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 10:55

People should be sewing nativity play costumes with their children in December?

Is the concept of spending time with your child doing something such a hardship for you?

one of mine was an angel: white tshirt, he made a silver star to stick at the front and we made a halo together, and some wings. Cost minimal.

All my kids have been in nativities and concerts this year, they all absolutely loved it (I can't speak for the teachers!). They are really proud to show adults their work and the all production. Why should anyone be stressed?

ChickenPaws · 21/12/2017 10:58

Many parents have worries and stresses and can’t find the time to do crafts Hmm health problems, employment difficulties, money worries etc.

Cherrycokewinning · 21/12/2017 10:59

My DH does Christmas. He did all the presents except his own, ordered meat and booze, got the tree. I decorated, did the Ocado order and meal planning, sorted out advent stuff and did half the wrapping.

He gets a bit stressed, but it’s not so bad. We both find this time of year quite stressful but for years we’ve had building work and illness in December so it’s more that.

On the negative side he overspends and never tracks whether we have enough money to cover everything he’s committed which we never do.

Evelynismyspyname · 21/12/2017 11:03

Straw ah yes - the facile attempt at emotional blackmail element, conformist, obliging, good school mum gold star for you, jolly well done.

Clearly I fucking hate spending time with my kids if I don't want to hand sew nativity costumes with each of them in December and am glad their schools have never had such a very stupid idea.

I enjoy spending time with my children, doing what we as a family, or the children, want to do, or just relaxing. There are Christmas markets to go to, walks to go on, presents for family members to make/ paint draw or shop for as they choose, Christmas films to watch, Plätchen and mince pies to bake together I most certainly would not enjoy having the school dictate to me that I spend my time with them hand making nativity play costumes, involving sourcing materials and potential stress if the results, which will be on stage in front of classmates, are not "right".

wanderings · 21/12/2017 11:06

Christmas is only stressful because you've made a choice to have it that way.

Reading MN it appears that Xmas is almost as stressful as weddings.

Like many things in life it's as stressful as you make it - pragmatist talking here

Christmas is just another competition for a lot of women.

Well a lot less would happen, but the great question would be 'does it really matter'?

Leaving aside whether men or women do it (I think that's irrelevant), everybody take note. Christmas doesn't need to be stressful, it's only because we as a society choose to make it so busy, commercialised, extravagant, excessive.

Beltane18 · 21/12/2017 11:12

"Is the concept of spending time with your child doing something such a hardship for you?"

but is making wings something either of you want to do?

hopefully some of the stressed parents here are making notes and joining with other parent friends so things can be recycled where possible. I've never chucked any stupid outfit, it could save us, or another parent, the same hassle later.

Chicken, I don't know why more parents don't object - it makes more work for teachers too with all this. I think that it's got worse for little ones in recent years so I might even have missed the worst of it. It does feel like every time of year, every religious festival etc has to be made a big deal of at school and it baffles me - but don't get me started on school time wasting.

zzzzz · 21/12/2017 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

horatioisabrick · 21/12/2017 11:16

Is the concept of spending time with your child doing something such a hardship for you?

That’s a really unnecessary and insensitive comment imo.

Our DDs currently don’t need costumes yet.... but I’m not that good at sewing and DH can’t sew at all, which obviously means that he won’t sew any costumes for our DDs...

And no, this doesn’t mean that the concept of spending time with our DDs is such a hardship for DH (or me).

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 11:17

Many parents have worries and stresses and can’t find the time to do crafts

but somehow they find the time to be on internet forum Grin
You are entirely free to home ed your children of course, but my kids go to mainstream school and the teachers spend a lot of time and energy organising various events. The least the parents can do is help out. If you want to buy a costume, do so. You can buy an entire outfit second hand for a pound or so. If your child is really keen on doing something himself, you help him out.

I don't feel under any pressure to spend time doing homework, projects, if I was, my kids would be home-schooled too - and they are not.

I do love your smug post Evelynismyspynam about craft, home baking etc. What you dictate is stress-free, but school activities would not be? Nice try to wind up people.

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 11:18

zzzzz

don't insult me because you can't read my post properly.
I said that if you want to buy a costume, go for it. If you can't afford it, you can make one for pennies - I just gave an example with 0 sewing involved, because my child wanted to do that.

Cheer up people, it's Christmas, you are the ones getting stressed

zzzzz · 21/12/2017 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedForFilth · 21/12/2017 11:21

I don't understand why people make Xmas out to be so stressful when it doesn't have to be. It sucks the joy out of It! In my family we all pitch in together, e.g. my sister and partner do starter, mum and her partner do main (which is essentially just a roast with a few differences) and I do pudding. I don't find buying presents stressful either. I'm pretty poor so start my shopping in October. I'd never do things I hated at Christmas. My family don't place importance on place setting etc, we don't do any of the faff! We take in anyone who may be alone but they understand they take us as they find us!

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 11:22

I’m not sure what your point is about Home Education

my point is that it's entirely fine to disagree with the school system and to select to home ed your kids. No one HAS to put their kids in a school system they disagree with.

zzzzz · 21/12/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz · 21/12/2017 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsYuleyme · 21/12/2017 11:24

You can make Christmas as full on or pared back as YOU like.
If things are stressing you out, just decide you're not going to do it, hardly anyone will notice.
Apart from that, one thing did stand out: I haven't bought all our relatives something from Ds2 ?????????
One word "crazy".

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 11:25

huh?

I was replying to a poster who find the school Christmas activities stressful! Just saying they are not, the kids are not stressed, and it needn't cost any money or be a way to force your children into consumerism (or whatever crap was written above)

You are the ones getting very touchy when I just pointed out that School Christmas activities cost pennies (or a fortune if you wish to spend one). No one cares what your own child is wearing!

zzzzz · 21/12/2017 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedForFilth · 21/12/2017 11:29

Happy Christmas zzzzz Xmas Smile

StrawBasket · 21/12/2017 11:32

Great way to turn my posts around! All I am saying is that Christmas is completely stress-free in this house as long as hubby and I can both have day off when there's a nativity, concert, or play Grin

Why are you trying to make me sound like a stress ball Xmas Wink

Dustysparrow · 21/12/2017 11:38

It would be more stressful in our house if dh took over christmas prep. He would stress out about having to cook, he would be grumpy and we probably get pasta bake for christmas dinner.

MissWilmottsGhost · 21/12/2017 11:41

We don't do a lot of the pointless Christmas stuff here anyway, so I'm not sure it would be much different.

I send all the cards, so if that was up to DH it wouldn't get done. But that is because there are loads of people in my family and they are spread about in this country and others, and DH doesn't send cards at all because his family are small and we see them all every Christmas anyway.

Its DH who always wants a real Christmas tree, because his family are religious and would never let him have one as a child. They think it's all a bit silly and just have a tasteful wooden nativity themselves, they always titter at our tinsel and baubles but DH still feels a bit rebellious about it.

When we host Christmas DH does all the cooking, although never turkey because he doesn't like it. He has also started a family tradition of making a giant Christmas cake because he loves fruit cake and marzipan.

I don't understand why people stress about christmas stuff. Just don't do it if you don't enjoy it. Christmas is supposed to be fun isn't it? Grin

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 11:42

I genuinely don't get this. I don't get why having a penis means that you can't buy gifts or roast a turkey and I don't get why having a vagina means flogging yourself to death in December.

Chienrouge · 21/12/2017 11:47

I genuinely don't get this. I don't get why having a penis means that you can't buy gifts or roast a turkey and I don't get why having a vagina means flogging yourself to death in December

It doesn’t. Not in my house anyway. Wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t tolerate it.

TDHManchester · 21/12/2017 11:47

Christmas isn't stressful for me. I do not subscribe to the greed, the manic buying of crap, the drunkeness and the gorging. I also don't subscribe to all the fake bonhomme, the talk of helping the homeless or x/y/z at Christmas etc etc. I was dragged up poor, i have more than enough money now for all my simple needs, if anyone asks what i want for Christmas i say nothing save for a nice meal and some feckin peace and quiet,that most precious of commodities these days.

I also like to watch the original version of "A Christmas Carol " as i take great comfort from it.

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