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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if men were 'in charge' of Christmas it would be a lot less stressful all round?

236 replies

PeanutButterIsEverything · 21/12/2017 06:43

Trying not to make this a sexist all men are lazy bastards type thread but I have seen so many threads about women getting really stressed about all the stuff there is to do with Christmas and I feel the same pressure to do it all. But my husband doesn't get stressed this time of year. He buys presents for his family and that's about it. He doesn't see the need for much of the other stuff.

I know there's a lot of talk about much of Christmas being 'wifework' and I do think that's true, we do take on a lot more of the mental load, the endless lists, recipe planning (and making freezer space, planning what to feed the relatives all the other days not just Christmas day), school plays, Christmas jumper days etc etc etc. And how much of this is necessary? Very little. We do it to make Christmas special but it's not needed, we've just got ourselves as women and society to a place where we feel that somehow we are failing if we don't send all the neighbours a card when we've not spoken to them all year, or we don't find the perfect gift for the teacher. I know lots of it is marketing driven but I think the marketing must be directed at women as they know we are the ones that buy all the food, many of the presents,, decorations and all the extra gubbins.

But don't leave it to the men or it won't get done, I hear you cry! But would that really be so bad? Maybe they wouldn't see the point. Christmas would be a lot more streamlined and less stressful I reckon. Not sure it's possible now though, we have built the Christmas juggernaut and now we have to keep driving it! So it's not men bashing, almost the opposite, maybe they have the right idea.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 22/12/2017 12:46

It's not the people who are doing just a roast dinner who are getting stressed. It's those who are cooking for 20 and doing dozens of little optional extras that many don't bother with or care about.

There's a huge gulf between bread and cheese in a dusty house and 12 types of veg for 20 as the climax to a build up that started with December 1st boxes and it's good for people to realise that you can still have a lovely Christmas without all the pressure to do everything that big business has thought of to get people to spend more at Christmas. And no-one really has to do everything themselves.

Agree what is going to happen and get everyone do pull their weight. If you are in family that does big get togethers, make sure the hosting rotates, so you don't have to host every year. Make sure your DH/DP does his share instead of taking on everything yourself.

BarbaraofSevillle · 22/12/2017 12:48

And if something goes wrong, it's not the end of the world. Just have a laugh, look for a solution, and make the best of it.

missyB1 · 22/12/2017 13:52

ITs bot about people being martyrs, it’s about being honest. I love Christmas, and I will definitely enjoy it but I can stil acknowledge the hard work and effort that has gone into it.
I’m bloody exhausted today, I’ve done the food shop and got the guest room ready, I’m about to tackle the kitchen floor and the hoovering. Come Christmas Eve I will be able to sit back relax and open the champagne!

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 22/12/2017 14:09

Missy - if you have a partner are they doing their equal share - not helping but doing half?

I don't find it hard work but I suspect my standards are quite low.

PegLegAntoine · 22/12/2017 14:23

I think it would be good all round if Christmas wasn't so hyped up.

NamedyChangedy · 22/12/2017 14:29

DP does Christmas in my house. I just come and eat when I’m called! Actually, I do usually make placecards with the DC’s help as I have nice handwriting. But otherwise it’s all his domain. He does all the shopping, cooking, decorating & organising and much better than I would, because he cares.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 22/12/2017 14:42

I used to go mad but two years of being unwell meant that I had to reign it in and I realised that actually it didn't matter.

For the first time in 2 years I am cooking again ag Christmas which feels nice as I love to do it. But have scaled back. So I used to offer 2 Christmas puddings, a strudel, a yule log and a trifle on the day. Now I just do a Christmas pudding and yule log. I have reduced the side dishes with the meal. I used to do a breakfast with lots of options on the day - now it is Christmas muffins or eggs and smoked salmon. I usually have loads of different home made sweet nibbles available for guests - this year it is just mince pies and clementine cake.

In the past we had Christmas trees all over the house and outside and just about the whole house was decorated - inside and out. This year just 2 trees and only 1 room decorated.

missyB1 · 22/12/2017 14:53

my Dh does help with bits of it but he works really long hours and often on weekends, he's actually working Christmas day - NHS. So the majority of it does fall to me. To be honest I imagine it will get easier as the kids get older - she said optimistically!!

BelligerentGardenPixies · 22/12/2017 15:00

I think to some extent we are subliminally coerced into a lot of the extra Christmas gubins through marketing/movies and the like, however ultimately it is us who has the choice whether to engage with it or not. I also agree that women tend to be a bit judgy about other women's efforts and some enjoy the martyr drama.

All that said, if my husband were to do the "wifework", we wouldn't have a Christmas. He would just opt out of all of it but he is a lazy git when it comes to family life and I certainly don't think he is representative of all men. Many would be perfectly able to knock out a decent Christmas.

I do it all but I don't get stressed because I just pick the bits I like/have time for and ignore the rest. Teachers only got presents (£2 box of choccies) because a couple of much loved teachers were leaving, normally I don't bother. Don't do cards, Christmas eve boxes, Elf on a bastard shelf, presents to anyone other than close family and I DO NOT get seperate gifts from the children - sheesh just put "From the Pixie Family" on the tag and cross that off your list, anybody who objects is a grabby piece of work and doesn't deserve extra gifts.

I enjoy the cooking and the decorating although keep it reasonably modest and I love buying presents but keep within a budget.

We need to reclaim Christmas from the marketing machine and just do it our way.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 22/12/2017 15:23

Missy that must be hard in lots of ways if your DH is working

Candog · 22/12/2017 15:36

I just do presents for a small number of people, stockings (not wrapped) and a roast chicken with bought trimmings and pud. Some easy decorations. It's not much work.

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