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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to hate the *adults don't need presents* brigade?

304 replies

Travis1 · 19/12/2017 09:32

Just that really? Hates probably a strong word but seriously dislike. Keep seeing it spouted on here continually but if adults don't need presents then on Christmas morning it's just me, DH and the cats staring at each other. When everyone else is out shopping for their little darlings barren old me will have 2 nieces and 1 nephew to buy for. Nothing else.

TTC 8 years so if it's not bad enough that I can't actually have kids now I can't have presents either? Feck off!

Why do people want to make others feel guilty for wanting to exchange gifts with the ones they love and to celebrate? Why shouldn't I buy my DH nice things and vice versa? Why shouldn't I buy MIL her favourite perfume that she wouldn't normally buy herself because of cost? Or my aunt tickets to a singer she's desperate to see?

Is it just martyrdom? Do these people actually not buy for anyone other than the children?!

This has given me inexplicable rage this morning Grin

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 21/12/2017 01:19

We have a no-presents-for-anyone-over-18 in our extended family, at my suggestion years ago, but DH and I exchange small gifts.

ShotsFired · 21/12/2017 07:20

Wow there are so many thoroughly mercenary people here. I really am agog at people who feel Christmas is not worthy unless it is expensive - or who have family who react in that way to gifts below some arbitrary value. They sound horrible.

One of my nicest pressies has been a photo of my grandad. My mum only has one or two of him and they are falling to pieces. But now I have a fresh new copy and he hangs on my wall so I see him every day. It probably cost about 50p for the reprint at Boots?

ExConstance · 21/12/2017 10:52

Why is there this assumption that presents for adults must be "tat".
I take my present buying responsibilities quite seriously ( though the shopping bit is huge fun) If a relative expounds a particular view or shows interest in something historical there will be a book to buy that they will consider interesting and thoughtful. A carefully chosen item of clothing or make up of the right brand bought with guidance, some music chosen to tie in with individual tastes is always appreciated and welcome. I show through buying presents that I care about people and that I think about what they would like.

goose1964 · 21/12/2017 11:35

we only have 4 children in the family so no reason why adults shouldn't get presents, I understand why some people do this if they have loads of children to buy for

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 12:22

Number one evidence that most presents for adults are tat: the shops from october onwards. Full of tat. Lots of someones must be buying it

And your examples. Okay, maybe not tat, but just standard stuff they could just buy themselves. Fair enough, apparently some people don't like paying for their own make up, I still think thats weird, but really, I have enough money, I can buy makeup, music, clothes all by myself.

MargaretCavendish · 21/12/2017 12:30

And your examples. Okay, maybe not tat, but just standard stuff they could just buy themselves. Fair enough, apparently some people don't like paying for their own make up, I still think thats weird, but really, I have enough money, I can buy makeup, music, clothes all by myself.

Well lucky you? For lots of people - including me - the ideal present is something that you would like, but that you'd feel guilty buying for yourself. People keep saying that 'adults can just buy their own things', but most people I know are pretty sparing with treats for themselves. We're not especially pressed for money, but it also isn't endless, and I know my husband will get me things for Christmas that I wouldn't feel justified buying, but will love - and same for the things I get him. If we didn't get each other presents we wouldn't spend that money on buying that stuff for ourselves, it would get absorbed into the general household budget.

ReanimatedSGB · 21/12/2017 13:04

@MargaretCavendish - exactly. There are many adults who haven't got much disposable income and therefore can't or won't 'just buy what they want when they see it.' Fancy chocolates (that the recipient is known to like) perfume and bath stuff (ditto), wine/gin/whisky, even nice gloves or scarves are often the sort of thing that someone feels unable to justify actually buying for themselves when there are bills to pay and kids whose desire for a treat comes first, but is delighted to get as a gift.

greenhairymonster · 21/12/2017 13:32

But if money is tight you are not just being treated, you are having to spend very limited funds to treat others too - which if you haven't got a lot of disposable income makes it a risky strategy. Whether I had little or lots of money, I still rather chose my own stuff.

ExConstance · 21/12/2017 13:37

Goodness, I'm pleased Lord and Lady Whiteadder who seem to be posting on this thread are not in my family! I shop in Cheltenham and Bath, sometimes Bristol or a trip up to London. I struggle to think of any shops that are "full of tat from October onwards" what manner of tat exactly? All I see is wonderful creative windows and displays. Yes I can buy my own makeup but that special shade of nail varnish or the lovely lipstick reviewed in last week's colour supplement is the sort of item I'd be pleased to receive. As a family we buy a lot of antiquarian books on odd subjects too (and some new ones).

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 14:22

Yes, ExConstance, you sound very typical of the average uk shopper. Antiquarian bookshops are just what I was thinking of ....

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 14:24

Buying for people without much money is fine (children of course dont tend to have a lot) but then you put them in the position of having to spend on you
Meh, I just buy myself stuff I want. Its not hard. I dont need to 'treat' myself

greenhairymonster · 21/12/2017 14:29

Yes, ExConstance, you sound very typical of the average uk shopper. Antiquarian bookshops are just what I was thinking of Grin

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 14:32

@ExConstance do you live in a village with fairy lit sheep and a glut of star shaped pavlovas?

greenhairymonster · 21/12/2017 14:45

To me tat is stuff I don’t want or need - it doesn’t matter what it costs or how old it is and the shops are full of stuff like that - even the dead posh ones!

problembottom · 21/12/2017 15:05

I'm all for adult gifts. DP, me and the cat have stockings and loads of presents under the tree. I really love seeing my mum, sisters or friends faces when they unwrap a surprise gift they adore. Worth the money! I spoil my nieces and nephews rotten too of course but no, Christmas isn't just about kids.

SenecaFalls · 21/12/2017 15:24

There are people who hate to shop. I am one of them. I used to dread Christmas every year until we agreed to stop buying for adults in the extended family. Now I actually almost enjoy Christmas. Xmas Smile

ExConstance · 21/12/2017 15:25

Me too, problembottom. Antiquarian books are usually very inexpensive and beautifully illustrated. I'd say "secondhand" but that gives an image of a grubby thumbed paperback. Anyway where is this sea of tat?

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 16:14

Are you kidding? Surely you frequent supermarkets and mainstream shops? Note all the giftsets, candles, novelty socks, novelty anything in fact. Pretty much every item in every mainstream shop that has some kind of xmas themed decoration, or is 3 for 2. All that. Have you not noticed how shops sell and package things differently from october onwards? That is 'tat' or 'ideal gift to treat x/y/z' if you are a retailer

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 16:15

Entire aisles of it. You really must have noticed??

PaintingByNumbers · 21/12/2017 16:16

Entire shops, springing up as if by magic, in fact, full of 'everything you want for xmas'

MaisyPops · 21/12/2017 16:19

We do presents for adults in immediate family (so parents inlaws, siblings and grandparents) but for cousins, aunties, uncles etc then we just send a card and a small something for the kids.

Selassi · 21/12/2017 16:28

I brought my best friend a little gift nothing expensive bit I think she will like it and my dad and his friend. Why not I don't really have kids to buy for

grasspigeons · 21/12/2017 16:44

I'm torn at this - as a parent i get a lot more joy out of my children getting a present than me be given some smellies and i feel sorry for relatives having to buy me a gift and my child a gift - really expensive for them. i see someone giving my child something as giving me something anyway - so I'd happily say for people to only get the children a present.

but if I didn't have a child I would just be getting nothing - so I think I'd probably want a present to be honest.

PasstheStarmix · 21/12/2017 16:45

We get given money in a Christmas card from some distant relatives. They are two of DH's aunties. It's very kind of them and we appreciate it as times are tight and we have a young baby. His own parents who we're NC give us nothing and also give our baby (their only gc) nothing. They do however send weird unwanted cards.

kp78 · 21/12/2017 17:52

My Dsil has suggested this this year but said to Mil (nan) mot to buy for our 19 year old nephew as he is 'not a child'. He's got no kids so why can't he have a present! Fine for those of us with kids but that was a step too far for me. Bloody tight I say!

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