AIBU to hate the *adults don't need presents* brigade?

[Travis1]

Just that really? Hates probably a strong word but seriously dislike. Keep seeing it spouted on here continually but if adults don't need presents then on Christmas morning it's just me, DH and the cats staring at each other. When everyone else is out shopping for their little darlings barren old me will have 2 nieces and 1 nephew to buy for. Nothing else.

TTC 8 years so if it's not bad enough that I can't actually have kids now I can't have presents either? Feck off!

Why do people want to make others feel guilty for wanting to exchange gifts with the ones they love and to celebrate? Why shouldn't I buy my DH nice things and vice versa? Why shouldn't I buy MIL her favourite perfume that she wouldn't normally buy herself because of cost? Or my aunt tickets to a singer she's desperate to see?

Is it just martyrdom? Do these people actually not buy for anyone other than the children?!

This has given me inexplicable rage this morning

Just a question.....so you buy ‘presents just for the children’. At what age do you stop buying the children presents, presumably because the children have now become adults? What is the cut off point age wise?

...or is that a whole new thread 😀

I feel the same way. Ttc for years and it’s heartbreaking having a full family Christmas where after we all buy stuff for the neices and nephews (and it’s usually me who goes all out) the parents then open gifts ‘from their babies’. Dh and I are left out of that because it suits them.

I would be gutted if DH and I didnt exchange gifts. I love it and want to buy him a present and why not - same for my mum and Dad.

Another child free couple who got the short straw here, presents for the children only.

I agree with pp who says the parents should at least buy a little something from the children as a token of appreciation of the gifts they receive. Even if it’s only a tin of biscuits, fgs....

If I didn't have a little pile of presents to open on Xmas Day I might have a mini tantrum [yes, I am that shallow]

I also get a lot of pleasure out of buying pressies for my best friends and my Mum. Basically I love getting & giving presents and always will.

It's fine for you and DH to but whatever you like!! I tire of buying expensive stuff for my family that they don't need and in my dad's case never appreciates. There is an expectation that I spend at least £50pp and it's madness. Equally I don't want much of what I'm given. I'd be happy to call it quits or do a £20 max budget or something.

Me and DH buy each other stuff which is a bit pointless, we've given up with birthday and anniversary presents (but go out instead) but Xmas comes and it's hard to know what to buy each other after nearly 20 Christmas' together! There comes a point in life when we don't need to buy this stuff, it doesn't mean we don't love each other it's just pointless stuff. Also back in the day presents were amazing as money was tight so they were luxuries - ie perfume but now we are fortunate enough to buy these things as needed.

And the cost of children's presents, plus children in the family plus children's friends plus all the Christmas stuff you have to go to and pay for at school ARGH it gets a bit crazy. I'm in debt this month. I wish the adults didn't want presents!!

I think some people just aren’t into presents. I loved getting presents when younger and often spent huge amounts of money and loved hunting for the perfect gift.

Over the past few years I have just fallen out of love with getting gifts. We don’t really bother with adult birthdays or valentines day either. If I want something I buy it from our shared funds. I am effectively paying for my Christmas presents anyway.

We do buy a family gift each year - a new boardgame that DH and I will enjoy. We will also have a weekend away but I don’t see this as a Christmas present.

That doesn’t mean that I judge anybody else for what they choose to do. Would be. Biy like judging somebody for not liking marmite.

Yes I hate. There are loads of kids in our family but I want to buy something, even a small thing, for the people I love. All of them.

I had an aunty who stopped buying gifts for my siblings and I once we turned 18. It rankled and I never sent her anything just a Christmas card. She didn't like family gatherings so she'd never come for Christmas anyway, I just never understood it. Either I was important to her or not. I guess she just wasn't into people. I love my big family now and enjoy reciprocal gifting.

What a mean attitude to your poor aunty ilovedolly - no gratitude from you after 18 solid years of present buying despite the fact that she wasn't even comfortable with Christmas!

That's exactly the sort of attitude that makes a mockery of all the 'spirit of christmas' stuff.

Fuck that. It’s my Christmas too.

We try and avoid presents for cousins but buy for their darlings. DH has a huge pile under the tree!

I think perhaps OP's issue (it's certainly mine) is people who make a big deal out of not being 'materialistic' and 'we don't want or need stuff' when it comes with the unmistakeable overtones of 'because we are morally superior to all you piggish consumers.'

It's like those charity gifts of goats to peasants on the other side of the world - whoever came up with that concept was a genius as it is the ultimate in self-righteous, passive aggression.

As other pps have said, different families do different things, and all of them are equally valid so long as everyone is happy with the set up. I don't want gifts particularly - there may be a new mascara or a lipstick that I quite like, but that would be it. I don't want other people buying me gifts for the sake of it, I struggle enough with clutter. For DH it will be a small but well thought out gift or 2. We don't want or need gifts from anyone else. My siblings do a Secret Santa - each buys for the other, and the limit is £40. Siblings on the other side don't exchange gifts.

For my 13 nieces & nephews, we have jointly agreed a £10 - 15 limit, and this year I am giving money / vouchers & chocolates for each of them. As far as I'm concerned, the parents are in the best position to know what their DC want (including me), so should be the ones to buy meaningful gifts.

What really makes Christmas for me is having everyone together, eating a meal and enjoying themselves. It may not be to everyone's liking, but it suits us.

I'm one of those who wishes we could just enjoy Christmas without the giving and receiving of gifts.

SGB careful. I suggested on another thread that goat giving might be a little sanctimonious, and I was completely flamed.

It's fine if that's what people want and like, and presumably has been discussed beforehand, but I was seriously unimpressed the year that I bought gifts for my in-law siblings, having traipsed around trying to put thought into what they would really like, wrapping etc, to be given a certificate for a pig. I didn't even want anything anyway, but it was the lack of reciprocity that rankled. I think that was the last year we exchanged gifts.

don't have kids so have the luxury of enjoying splashing out on each other

But.... I don't have kids (though buy for nieces, nephew, DSC and their children) and I really don't want gifts from anyone. If there was anything I wanted, I would have bough it for myself, and got exactly the colour/size/style that I liked the most. There is literally no thing that anyone can buy me, that I really want.

Within my family, each child is set up with a savings account from, well, birth I suppose. We transfer into their account to mark Christmas and Birthdays, in the expectation that when they grow up and leave home, they will have a nest egg. I have continued to give to nieces and nephews, and their children.

Different families do things differently, DH's family are big on presents, realky equating them to live and affection. Sigh. Being given a heap of things that I honestly don't want, especially if someone has splashed out on it, is just a chore to be got over on Christmas morning. i appreciate my good fortune, but am always glad when gift opening is over for another year. Tried suggesting to DH's sister that we just buy for the next generations, which would mean that her family got loads more than ours, she said 'but i like buying and giving presents'. DH buys hers so it's not that I even have to think of anything but no, I really don't see that presents are required for adults.

If someone wanted to give me pleasure, I would much prefer spending time with them, maybe over a coffee or, ideally, for a longish walk. I could go by myself, but company is always welcome.

Everything firesuit said

Tbh, if I wanted anything, i'd just buy it myself thanks. If someone cant afford it, happy to buy it for them. Otherwise it all just seems pointless but happy to go along with it. I dont want any presents though, I just find it bizarre that anyone would think I wouldnt just buy myself something if I wanted it. And if I hadnt bought it, I obviously didnt want it, did I?

I’ve got pretty much everything I need, plenty of stuff I want (which isn’t that much, to be fair) and I’m not into consumerism.

Other people do what they do.

And I’m not in a brigade, but hate away, OP, if it makes you feel better.

For me, when I say that adults don’t need presents what I mean is “I’d rather you spent the money on DS, and I certainly don’t expect you to spend the same on me as you used to as well as buying him loads of stuff now too”.

I do expect a present from my immediate family, but I’m quite happy with just a token. I’m buying them presents as normal, and DH and I are obviously getting each other presents - if money was really tight we might agree not to I suppose.

I think 'brigade' is, with the exception of Boys / Girls Brigade, usually used pejoratively.

I always associate this usage of ‘brigade’ with reactionary DM-reader types.

I'm neither tight nor skint, I just don't like being gifted token shite. I'd much rather (and do) feast, visit, travel or other fab things with my friends and family, during holiday times and the rest of the year.