AIBU to hate the *adults don't need presents* brigade?

[Travis1]

Just that really? Hates probably a strong word but seriously dislike. Keep seeing it spouted on here continually but if adults don't need presents then on Christmas morning it's just me, DH and the cats staring at each other. When everyone else is out shopping for their little darlings barren old me will have 2 nieces and 1 nephew to buy for. Nothing else.

TTC 8 years so if it's not bad enough that I can't actually have kids now I can't have presents either? Feck off!

Why do people want to make others feel guilty for wanting to exchange gifts with the ones they love and to celebrate? Why shouldn't I buy my DH nice things and vice versa? Why shouldn't I buy MIL her favourite perfume that she wouldn't normally buy herself because of cost? Or my aunt tickets to a singer she's desperate to see?

Is it just martyrdom? Do these people actually not buy for anyone other than the children?!

This has given me inexplicable rage this morning

Children are happy with most things if they're not spoilt so don't get why people spending a bomb. I find adults more expensive to buy for.

Each to their own.

Buy if you want, don't buy, buy for adults, children, even the household pets and the lonely old woman down the street if you wish or buy for nobody, give to charity, send wish lists, throw it in the bin, use it, abuse it, make your own gifts by hand out of biodegradable materials! At the end of the day does it matter? Each to they own. Why do people get up in other people's business... Merry Christmas!!

We are also barren and can't have kids

Christmas is a really sad time of year as it's a reminder of happy families we don't have

We don't do presents in our household because we don't need more 'stuff', so DH and I don't have any presents under the tree. Maybe one day when we've finally come to terms with involuntary childlessness we may decide that a lifetime of sad Christmasses is too much and we'll decide to buy presents just so at least the tree isn't barren even if we are!

Thinking of you OP

bananafish81 You do what makes you happy and when you feel ready. Christmas can be hard enough as it is so what ever eases things for you at this time of year. I'd get you a gift but hope will do.

Another struggling ttc here who would hate the thought of "kids only". Fortunately I have two DNs in one side and two on DH's side (both grown up) so the spend isn't massive. But I do love giving and receiving presents, they are 95% fabulous and I love our cosy family time handing them out and opening them together. Even though I had a mc recently I will still enjoy the thought and love brought by opening a few gifts.

One of them is a vacuum cleaner from my mum but she asked if we wanted it. So it's completely practical!

We have one child. I hate the idea of him being the only recipient of gifts in our home like some little emperor.

So it’s impor to me that we model giving to each other and we help him chose gifts for the other parent too.

We also buy for our parents and siblings but we only have one each so small families.

I love getting Christmas presents and would be heartbroken if my husband didn’t get me something, even if it cost 50p.

We don’t have kids, nor do my sister and BIL. Both couples are pretty comfortable financially. DH and I buy each other gifts, my sister and her husband don’t buy each other anything.
I think it’s pure martyrdom.

She spends Christmas morning telling everyone how she’d hate if he got her a present because they’re soooo sensible and mature, it would just be a waste of money.

I spend Christmas morning tucking into my chocolate Santa, setting up my latest gadget, and downloading new books on to my Kindle with my Amazon voucher. It’s brilliant!

Utterly adore buying presents for my husband. For me, it’s another way I show appreciation for him, and I’d hate to miss an opportunity to do that.

sorry to hear about your fertility issues. I buy for my nieces/nephews and anyone without kids. But I just cant afford any more than that. I also don’t expect a thing because there’s nothing I need or want!

That's the thing I think it's so expensive to have kids getting the same level of gifts as you did pre baby for you dh or from you dh would be very difficult to maintain. Obviously things have to change and tje gifts have to lessen to each other but it think it becomes less important. You just want to see you dc faces light up with excitement.

I*

Why feel the need to criticise people for not wanting to give or receive a present, it's as bad as criticising people for wanting a present!
Do whatever the hell you want to do - just don't force other people to join in - and this is the thing I have been forced to join into the present buying for years.....for fear of offending people - the giving and receiving is dull for me - I prefer to cook and share food with the people I love, I don't like the presents side, my kids still do and so I humour them but surely I should be allowed to say no to other gifts without being labelled as mean, broke, tight, miserable, stuffy, sensible martyrs etc - I just don't enjoy gifts, I like choosing my own stuff.

I'm one of the 'adults don't need presents' brigade, and unashamedly so. I buy presents for DP, obviously, but not for other adults in the family. I buy for my nephews but have no kids of my own.

I'll explain why. I strongly dislike the appalling greed & consumerism of Christmas. I like to spend time together at Christmas to enjoy some nice food & wine together, but I already have as much stuff as I either need or want. More stuff cluttering up the house is the last thing I want so no more bloody stuff. Please.

That means you don't need presents Bonnie. Please do not presume to speak for the rest of us who look forward to a little treat or bit of luxury once a year. I do not accept that that makes me an appallingly greedy consumerist.

I think a lot of people put them selves into debt at Christmas and spend money they can't afford and I hate that part. I wish Orr baby me and dh had just buggared off abroad and escaped for one year as we always used to try and pleased everyone!

please-

pre*

OH and I buy for each other. We buy for our own families
We both buy for the cat.
The cat is spoiled and entitled and doesn't buy us anything.
We do get random gifts of rodents, birds and mice throughout the year, but it's hit or miss if we are lucky enough to receive a decapitated mouse on Christmas day itself.

We’re not buying for adults this year, only children. It has nothing to do with cost, we’re just trying to count down on the amount of ‘stuff’ we have - we really don’t need any more and neither do our adult family members. It’s not meant to be a judgement on other adults who do like to do presents - just please don’t give any to me!

My mother in law said once to us that once you were old you could forget getting lots of presents for your birthday or Christmas. Ever since we have swamped her with lots of little presents on both occasions, to her great joy! Christmas is for giving. And receiving. Enjoy presents whatever your age—why ever not?! OP if I knew you I’d make sure you didn’t feel left out.

Weedsnseeds1 Oh no I think you need to have a firm talking to your cat; maybe threaten with coal this year...

OuchBollocks Why does you need for presents outweigh the givers desire to avoid shopping and buying more stuff.
I think it works just fine if everyone is happy givers and receivers and there are no money issues. Big families, lots of kids and no one want to admit they are struggling - I've seen it too many times -the debt from Christmas is obscene but no one wants to admit that are skint and spoil Christmas for other people - all this pressure for one day?

It really depends on your situation . I am a loan parent (widowed) parent working full time in a very stressful job. Buying for adults is way down my list of priorities. I am also pretty skint and presents for family members over Xmas and birthdays add up to way more than I have to spend on myself. If I had more time and cash again then I would probably enjoy it again.

I have felt less of my brother and sister in law ( who are loaded) since they announced that presents were for the children only ( I am my brothers only sibling, sil is only child)especially since they have 2 children and 2 wages while I have 1 child and a loan parent. Really to be fair, me and ds should get birthday and Christmas presents each while dns get there's!!

It's not the ones who suggest it as a way to save money but the ones who think presents and fun should stop once you turn 18.

Where you are going wrong is equating presents with fun. For me presents received are things I don't want, because if I did want them, I'd have bought them for myself already. And fulfilling the social obligation to give is utter torture. I hate shopping, I have no idea what to get, and if I fail to find something good, which I invariably do, I've made myself feel shit, without even benefiting someone else much in the process.

I'm a single parent. I buy myself presents and wrap them and put them under the tree so I can join in the fun with the dc!!