about the childminder and conjunctivitis

[mikesh909]

Background: DD is 1 and attends a childminder usually 3 days per week. This week she is booked in for all 5 days due to a temporary change in my work schedule. Other than attending this childminder, she is at home with her father and me. No other groups / settings / activities. We have been so busy lately due to work commitments we have been nowhere and seen no-one.

Over the weekend DD came down with conjunctivitis. We saw a pharmacist who said nothing OTC for 1 year olds. I read the NHS website which states Public Health England advises no need to stay home from work / school / nursery (www.nhs.uk/conditions/conjunctivitis/#work-and-school). I also read their parent handbook which states 48 hr exclusion period for D&V but mild illnesses e.g. colds are acceptable. I am a teacher and its not easy for me to take days off. DH stands to lose a sizeable Christmas bonus if he takes any days off for any reason in December. DD seemed well in herself so we dropped her off as usual this morning.

By midmorning I had received notification to pick her up. I now understand that the 'mild illnesses' in the policy doesn't cover conjunctivitis. Despite the huge hassles and financial losses that this will incur, I understand that I must make alternative arrangements for the rest of the week.

In the text conversation and then later when I collected DD, the CM herself and one of her team were both very insistent that she had not contracted the infection whilst in their care. In response to this, I was equally insistent that she most likely had. I cannot see how she could have picked it up from home when neither of us have (or have ever had!) this infection and no-one else has been here. She has not been anywhere else. There are many other kids / parents at this setting and they also go on regular outings to other public places. The conversation got a little awkward in the end. I told the CM I was finding the insistence hard to take. So... 1. Was IBU to press the point that the overwhelming probability is that my DD picked up this infection whilst in their care? I need to contact them to confirm her hours for January - 2. Would IBU to mention it in writing? Her response at the time was about protecting the other children - which indicates to me she hasn't really understood my point. I.e. that I know I need to keep DD at home for that exact purpose, but nonetheless I'm unhappy with their obstinance.

Well said Tanith! You are absolutely right.

Of course you are being unreasonable!

1. It’s irrelevant where it came from so I don’t understand why you even had this head to head. If it were my child I might mention she’d been nowhere else so it’s possible one of the other children has it but it would only be a friendly heads up, nothing more. What were you trying to achieve? Were you hoping the CM would feel guilty for giving your child and infection and let them stay because it was her fault?

2. Yes. Why on earth would you commit your unreasonable behaviour to writing? To be blunt - made a big enough tit of yourself already - stop now for your own sake!

You’re frustrated, that’s obvious, but taking it out on the CM isn’t on.

• an infection

Yabu, no one can know for sure where she picked it up, or whether she developed it herself (see fenella's post).
You are also BU for sending a contagious child to a CM. I know you didn't ask for that one, but i thought i'd point it out.

Jakeyboy1...................getting drops in is easy but most parents in my 25 years cant do it (many struggle with calpol and antibiotic) often they ask me to do it.....but I wont take a child with conjunctivitis until its been treated.
I also often have to give asthma inhalers including preventors because parents cant as child says no.

The guidelines are to reduce spread of serious diseases whilst keeping attendance figures up at schools and as current policy is more about attendance than wellbeing they have been cut back on - they do not take into account babies inability to follow basic hygiene as they basically don't even consider a baby is different to a 6 year old in play.
It is impossible to list every single disease a child can get most will ask that illness is discussed prior to arrival but many parents ignore this and some claims are ridiculous.....my best is my 11 year old niece changed baby this morning and must have seen the spots and put calamine on without asking me.....on chicken pox...
A child under the weather is one not quiet themselves but we don't know why....not one with a definite illness.

"There are however some posters who have chosen to answer questions I didn't ask,"

Your reasoning is entirely illogical. If you hadn't sent your daughter in with a contagious illness the conversation wouldn't have taken place at all.

You have no way of knowing with absolute certainty how your child acquired conjunctivitis, and in any event even if she did catch if at nursery you shouldn't be playing tit for tat and sending her in to infect others.

You said in your op your husband couldn't take time off as he would lose a sizeable bonus. Unfortunately for you once childcare is factored into it you'll have a little less than you were hoping for.

Oh OP I was just thinking: if your husband has to take time off in an emergency ie childcare/illness context, this is time off for dependant, unpaid time off but he shouldn't suffer detriment as a result of it ie he shouldnt lose out on the bonus...

Somebody asked do you like your childminder and you replied "I have no personal feelings towards her, it's a business relationship."

You are a very cold fish. How can you not want a warm, friendly connection with the person who looks after your child all day?

Someone asked you if you told her your child had conjunctivitis and you replied that your husband dropped off that day and mentioned she'd been "under the weather".

So he lied by omission, probably hoping the cm wouldn't notice the eye.

What an odd pair you are, this is not a normal way to communicate and interact with people who care for your children. Is it your first/only child? Hopefully in time (before she starts school) you will learn how to manage these relationships better. They are not business relationships (even though money is involved) these individuals are helping to raise your child. They are teaching them how to behave, helping them discover the world, navigate social situations, caring for their health, showing them affection and kindness. You need to be part of that connection.

Well you’re both being ridiculous to insist on something that neither of you could possibly know. Neither of you have a clue where she picked it up so ridiculous to fall out over it.
I’m a childminder who went to a playgroup where one child had conjunctivitis last week, this week 2 of my mindees have it. I have excluded one because his eyes are dripping with pus, he won’t leave them alone, he refuses to allow me to put his eye drops in and he is genuinely feeling tired, grumpy and unwell. The other child has a slightly red eye and is fine in herself. Still contagious, and still my other mindees are exposed, but at the end of the day if I excluded for everything I’d never have any children here. It is a tricky one, but ultimately it is your Childminders decision on whether she wants to admit an infectious child.