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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is actually reasonable?

187 replies

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 07:23

So long and short of it is that I live in a terrace house and I have two small children. They are noisy, and up early. There are also SEN issues with at least one.

So about ten minutes ago, they were having a particulary noisy moment downstairs and one of the neighbours thumped on the bedroom wall so hard the wall vibrated.

The neighbours have complained before, I'm not insensible of the noise my household can generate, we have taken steps to reduce noise (we now take the kids downstairs as soon as they wake up, they have sanctions for being too noisy upstairs etc).

But I'm not at a point of how much noise is actually reasonable? It's 7am on a Sunday morning, am I suppose to stop the kids playing downstairs now?

This is really upsetting, I'd just about calmed down from the last complaint.

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 17/12/2017 08:57

All kids make noise and 7am is not an unreasonable time for kids to wake up! Your neighbour was out of order for banging on the wall and I would tell him he was! Normal kids noises shouldn't wake a neighbour unless the were a really light sleeper in which case there is not a lot you can do! I have a slightly deaf neighbour who watches telly till late at night in his bedroom at a really loud volume I have had to learn to sleep through it! No way would I complain about it it's just life in a terraced house! I'm sure my kids waking in the night or the morning disturbs him more and he never complains either.

MotherCupboard · 17/12/2017 08:59

If the neighbour needs sleep he should get himself some ear plugs.

Gazelda · 17/12/2017 08:59

OP, you have my sympathies. It sounds as though you have daily difficulties. I can see that you are trying your best to ensure your DC don't disturb your neighbours, and are frustrated at how,you have to be constantly on at the children to keep the noise level lower.
However from your neighbours point of view, perhaps they are frustrated that they never get any peace when they're at home because of their neighbours? Maybe they are sympathetic but their frustration boiled over this morning.
You shouldn't have to keep worrying about disturbing them, and apologising to them. But in your own interest I'd pop a note through their door and let them know you're trying some new techniques to keep the noise from disturbing them, and appreciate their continued understanding of a difficult situation where 2 DC with SEN are involved.
As I said, you shouldn't have to keep apologising, but a quick note or chat every now and then might help make the neighbours a bit more tolerant.

stitchglitched · 17/12/2017 08:59

And my local council allows builders to work from 7am. I don't think that is an unusual time to start hearing day to day noise tbh.

Aducknotallama · 17/12/2017 09:01

My ds used to wake up early and I used to take him out if he was noisy, I would often be at the park at 7.30 on a weekend. It’s not fair to let them be noisy so early. Now he is 16 and it’s our only day for a lie in I wouldn’t be happy if the neighbours were noisy at this time

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:02

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SweetEnough · 17/12/2017 09:04

This is why I've put money in a card for my downstairs neighbour.

I live in a second floor flat with 4 kids between 2 and 8 (50% of the week) and not once has downstairs complained, banged or even moaned.

I am very aware he is underneath us, works Mon to Fri and l point this out to the kids regularly, but not much I can do about the toddler toddling! She was up at 4am poorly the other day.

I understand it's the only lie in some people get but consideration and compassion is needed from both sides. It's not like you're dc are doing it on purpose.

If we're up early on weekends we go in the front room with duvets and dvd's, play quiet games and eat breakfast until between 9 and 10, then it's do what you want within reason!

They have to take some responsibility for their own needs and environment. It's not up to you to bend to everything they want, just like they shouldn't put up with ridiculous amounts of noise.

You have taken steps to quieten your kids, and are still taking on board suggestions. I'd explain this and suggest they need earplugs if it bothers them that much.

RadioGaGoo · 17/12/2017 09:05

Greenshoots1 I had neighbours who got up at 5 am every morning. Sadly, they were not that quiet about it and they would wake our whole household up. It definitely works both ways.

XmasFairy86 · 17/12/2017 09:06

I don't like being woken up by my own kids let alone anyone else's 😂😂 it's life. As long as you're conscience of trying to reduce the noise slightly just ignore them!

LunasSpectreSpecs · 17/12/2017 09:06

we do keep the noise down in the mornings

Obviously not enough if the neighbour is banging on the wall.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:07

Greenshoots1 I had neighbours who got up at 5 am every morning. Sadly, they were not that quiet about it and they would wake our whole household up. It definitely works both ways.

I have asked my neighbours if they ever hear anything from us, they so no,

Charolais · 17/12/2017 09:08

The builders did a really poor job of sound proofing the houses.

If I were you I would try to make the children stay up later on a Saturday night and darken their room to keep the morning light out. Maybe then they would sleep later on a Sunday morning. Good luck.

DottyS · 17/12/2017 09:08

I am so sorry you have family troubles - I really am. But they are your children and not your neighbours but they are bring disturbed by your family.

And I hate to add to your troubles but if you have a private landlord they could evict you if your noise levels are thought to disturb the others neighbours, Check your lease and you may see a clause in there about noise being heard outside your property or some such.

Your neighbour may have knocked the wall because he is fed up with the noise after discussing it with you in the past. I have a feeling lack of sleep by all parties is contributing to the situation.

You can dampen noise down by hanging really heavy curtains against the walls (mad but true).

Good luck to both you and your neighbours,

I really do feel for you but please remember they are your responsibility not your neighbours. Also

I am not having a go at you but 7am is early in anybody's book. I do hope you get this situatio

Rudi44 · 17/12/2017 09:11

I feel for you OP, even without SEN to cope with, kids can be loud. I know you are most upset by the banging on walls by neighbour but if they had just been woken they might not be thinking clearly. I think your best route would be to try and get them onside. I think people are more likely to forgive their neighbors a bit of noise if they like them.
Get the kids to make a card or a cake and send them round to say sorry and turn on the charm.

sailorcherries · 17/12/2017 09:12

OP if you are doing everything reasonably possible to keep the noise levels down and are apologetic to the neighbours, there isn't much else to do.

How do your kids do with tablets and headphones? Is it something you can adopt to keep them quiet and entertained separately?
Also are your windows properly closed or on the latch? I find that when our windows are fully closed you cannot hear a peep outside, but when on the latch you can hear most things almost word perfect. If that ia the case perhaps the noise next door appears louder, especially if their windows are also on the latch.

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2017 09:12

And my local council allows builders to work from 7am. I don't think that is an unusual time to start hearing day to day noise tbh

9am on a weekend/public holiday here.

Original poster
TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 09:12

Right I'm going to leave this thread now, and go get some sleep. Thank you to all that have been helpful. I realise it's not nice to be woken up, I realise they're probably frustrated as well. I just wish he'd spoken to us prior to this point (if it was bothering him) rather than bang the wall as he did.

Maybe I'll do some passive agressive knitting next to the bedroom wall to cheer myself up later. Aggressively eat crunchy crisps in the garden at 6am as well.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 17/12/2017 09:13

I'm sorry for some of the responses you've had OP. The 'control your kids' and 'keep them in their rooms' comments are honestly laughable. I'm sorry people don't understand. I feel for you and your neighbour.. I think it's understandable for him to be annoyed but also how hard it is for you.. I don't really have a solution. Just ignore him if you can.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:14

it laughable that a parent is expected to control their kids?

stitchglitched · 17/12/2017 09:15

Greenshoots you have no way of knowing what 'almost all' children with SN can or can't be taught.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:15

I actually think you are worrying too much about the knocking. Its just a way of communicating without having to get dressed and come round

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2017 09:15

Right I'm going to leave this thread now, and go get some sleep

Does your OH manage to keep the noise down so you can sleep....?

If so then he just needs to do whatever he does then at 7am

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 09:17

Greenshoots you have no way of knowing what 'almost all' children with SN can or can't be taught.

As i said, I have fostered children with SEN for very many years

Original poster
TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 09:17

Well Dotty the landlords can evict us if they like, it would take them aged to do so though.

I'm not going to talk to him, I'm fed up of being the one to engage. We do do our bit, so he can be a human shaped person and come and approach us if he'd like.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 17/12/2017 09:18

Did you foster 'almost all' children with SN then? Your blanket judgements are extremely unhelpful.

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