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AIBU?

What is actually reasonable?

187 replies

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 07:23

So long and short of it is that I live in a terrace house and I have two small children. They are noisy, and up early. There are also SEN issues with at least one.

So about ten minutes ago, they were having a particulary noisy moment downstairs and one of the neighbours thumped on the bedroom wall so hard the wall vibrated.

The neighbours have complained before, I'm not insensible of the noise my household can generate, we have taken steps to reduce noise (we now take the kids downstairs as soon as they wake up, they have sanctions for being too noisy upstairs etc).

But I'm not at a point of how much noise is actually reasonable? It's 7am on a Sunday morning, am I suppose to stop the kids playing downstairs now?

This is really upsetting, I'd just about calmed down from the last complaint.

OP posts:

Report

underneaththeash · 17/12/2017 08:37

Can they just not watch TV or play on an iPad first thing on a Sunday morning. I get annoyed if my children wake me up, never mind other people's.

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:37

Been on night shifts all week relative, weren't exactly a lie in for me to be honest, more like I need sleep to function.

OP posts:

Cantuccit · 17/12/2017 08:37

I am sure you will be perfectly alright with regular 2 am parties by your neighbour. Or will you moan about how your kids are unable to sleep?

How are 2am parties the same as two supervised SEN kids playing at 7am?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 17/12/2017 08:38

I don't know, I was asleep upstairs and dh was downstairs. I got woken up by the thumping, I think they may have been arguing over a car.

Sorry, that is really bad. If one of you can't manage alone then you both need to be up and supervising. If you are in bed sleeping you've got absolutely no right to say your neighbour should put up with being disturbed because you fancy a lie in!

The argument about a car should have been dealt with before it reached proportions where it could disturb neighbours, and there clearly wasn't adequate supervision for that to happen.

Sorry, but to complain your neighbour should put up with being woken up at that time in the morning when you're lounging around in bed yourself if disgraceful! Get up and supervise your children properly rather than letting them disturb other people so you can have a lie in!

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:39

We're private tenants, I'd love the concil to come and try and help us, might help us get our youngest assessed a bit sooner.

OP posts:

Eltonjohnssyrup · 17/12/2017 08:39

How do you know he doesn't sleep to function?

Cantuccit · 17/12/2017 08:40

Elton, OP does nightshifts. It wasn't a lie-in.

Hoping some nicer people come along soon, OP.

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2017 08:40

Youe neighbours not being woken at 7 isn't the be all and end all. The world will still turn if they get woken up

Attitudes like this stink.

OP I can totally get why they thumped on the wall. If you're tired and have been rudely awakened it's hard to think "oh well next door are alright really, I'll go chat to them".

I generally think that whilst some noise is acceptable part of living in a community is being aware of others. You now know this is a problem, and need to find some strategies.

I agree with a PP, would TV/screen time work?

Fluffywhitecloud · 17/12/2017 08:40

Get up earlier and supervise your own children. Your need for a lie in doesn't trump anyone else's. Bloody hell, no wonder he's complaining.

19lottie82 · 17/12/2017 08:41

if my Sunday lie in was curtailed by
children's noise at 7.30 I would be very angry, and taking a complaint to the
council.

Pah ha ha!
If that ever does happen please let us know your complaint “to the council” works out for you!

RoganJosh · 17/12/2017 08:41

My children are about the same age as yours and a bit older. Sometimes I can keep them quiet, sometimes they erupt into noisiness in an instant. And they have no SEN. The stress of keeping children quiet is immense. Especially if they wake early. If they’re up at 5.45am then it’s a really long time till an ok time to make noise.

Would you think about moving?

19lottie82 · 17/12/2017 08:43

greenshoots so a neighbouring family
Of
Yours is being evicted because their SN children are making noise? I smell Bullshit!

ChangingStates · 17/12/2017 08:44

My 2 are up early too, 6amish. They get the tv on for at least an hour, sometimes 2, on weekend mornings. It keeps their noise down and gives me & h an easier start to the day. I am quite strict generally about screen times and st first I felt bad about this but to be honest it has made life so much easier on the weekend mornings it’s worth it!

PoptartPoptart · 17/12/2017 08:47

At 4 and 7 years old they are old enough to understand consideration for others.
I would say no playing with toys and instead allow TV or screen time until 8.30-9am on weekends. Or read them a book or put an audio book on.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:47

greenshoots so a neighbouring familyOfYours is being evicted because their SN children are making noise? I smell Bullshit!

no, my close neighbours said they couldn't control the noise their SEN child was making, then when they were threatened with eviction, they suddenly found they could! That was some years ago, have never heard a peep from him since.

Other families have been evicted for noisy children, yes.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:47

but I think much noisier than the OPs children

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:48

yes, I was going to suggest you read with them for a couple of hours first thing in the morning

19lottie82 · 17/12/2017 08:50

Greenshoots, if a council actually “evicted” a family because their SEN kids were making too much noise, then the family could sue the Merry hell out of them.
That’s discrimination against the disabled.

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:50

Changing I think that's the route we're going to go down to be honest. We will move eventually when we can afford to, but it won't be until next year.

Look I'm not insensitive to the fact that they were woken up, I am going to make changes to their routine and have taken on board some of the things on this thread.

However, the walls are ruddy thin in my house, I can hear neighbour going to the loo. There must be a point when after we've done all we can that they have to give us a bit of leeway as well.

They know about the SEN, we have previously spoken before.

OP posts:

MotherCupboard · 17/12/2017 08:50

My attitude stinks less than that of people who suggest that children with SEN should be capable of understanding that the miserable git next door wants a lie in on weekends.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:52

Greenshoots, if a council actually “evicted” a family because their SEN kids were making too much noise, then the family could sue the Merry hell out of them. That’s discrimination against the disabled.

no it isn't, because people have a legal entitlement to the peaceful enjoyment of their home.

JacquesHammer · 17/12/2017 08:52

My attitude stinks less than that of people who suggest that children with SEN should be capable of understanding that the miserable git next door wants a lie in on weekends

He might need sleep to function. Saying basically "tough shit" is a stupid attitude

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JacquesHammer · 17/12/2017 08:53

There must be a point when after we've done all we can that they have to give us a bit of leeway as well

There probably is. Just not at 7am on a sunday

stitchglitched · 17/12/2017 08:57

Greenshoots are you a housing expert? I'm not, but my understanding is that some noises are accepted as general day to day living noises. For example there is not much the council could do about a crying baby, or a child (or adult) who makes noise related to their disability. That is completely different to preventable noise such as blaring out music etc.

I don't think people are legally entitled to not hear their neighbours, especially in terraces, flats etc. Doesn't 'peaceful enjoyment' refer more to not being harrassed by their landlord and that sort of thing?

Moreisnnogedag · 17/12/2017 08:57

get up and supervise your children

Bloody hell. The OP stated she was on nights so she's not lazing around, she's trying to get some sleep to remain functional.

You're trying. But honestly don't wear yourself out trying to appease your neighbour. You and your DH need to also remain rested and able to manage.

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