Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

What is actually reasonable?

187 replies

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 07:23

So long and short of it is that I live in a terrace house and I have two small children. They are noisy, and up early. There are also SEN issues with at least one.

So about ten minutes ago, they were having a particulary noisy moment downstairs and one of the neighbours thumped on the bedroom wall so hard the wall vibrated.

The neighbours have complained before, I'm not insensible of the noise my household can generate, we have taken steps to reduce noise (we now take the kids downstairs as soon as they wake up, they have sanctions for being too noisy upstairs etc).

But I'm not at a point of how much noise is actually reasonable? It's 7am on a Sunday morning, am I suppose to stop the kids playing downstairs now?

This is really upsetting, I'd just about calmed down from the last complaint.

OP posts:

Report

MotherCupboard · 17/12/2017 08:10

Youe neighbours not being woken at 7 isn't the be all and end all. The world will still turn if they get woken up. I would say to yourself what you're prepared to do ie take them downstairs, play quietly, no noisy toys etc and do no more than that if he's going to be a cock about it anyway. Kids make noise. 7am isn't that early. 5am or 6am id have more sympathy with him and if he was a nicer person.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:10

how old are your children Tribble?

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 17/12/2017 08:10

It'd annoy me bit it's also kind of just one of the problems of living in a non detached house. My previous neighbours had 2 little boys and every hour they were awake you could hear them (or mum going beserk!) It wasn't ideal bit I never said anything because I don't think they were going beyond the realms of normal for 2 children playing during sensible hours and unfortunately with kids 7am on a Sunday is sensible.

DancesWithOtters · 17/12/2017 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:13

Four and seven.

I don't know, I was asleep upstairs and dh was downstairs. I got woken up by the thumping, I think they may have been arguing over a car.

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 17/12/2017 08:13

Can you soundproof your walls?

Beerwench · 17/12/2017 08:13

0we are up at 5am every weekday to get to work, if my Sunday lie in was curtailed by chidren's noise at 7.30 I would be very angry, and taking a complaint to the council

My old neighbour threatened this. I had to be up early 3 out of 7 and this always included one weekend day. I'd usually get a day off through the week. The 'unreasonable noise' was me getting up, taking a shower and generally getting ready for work. I was conscious that it was early, and did try. No hair dryer, I didn't even boil the fucking kettle, no TV on etc. Didn't seem to work the other way and I was awoken at 5am through the week for my only lie in too. Didn't seem to occur to my neighbours that this shit works both ways. It was utterly acceptable to them to make a racket on the mornings they needed to be up. They didn't actually complain to the council after I pointed out I could hear them too. They carried on with PA towards me if I worked a weekend shift though.
OP - have you explained to the neighbours that you can hear them too? That the sound insulation is very poor, and though you're doing what you can, complete silence just doesn't happen with small children. They have no concept of it being a Wednesday or a Sunday, and people being anally precious about a Sunday. Noisy play is noisy play. Can you put furniture against the dividing wall perhaps, leave out quiet toys in the room you go to in the morning? Though depending on age I suppose it's difficult to quiet a crying child.

Stormwhale · 17/12/2017 08:14

Have you tried tv or tablet time? Not ideal, but might work for an hour or so in the morning to save your relationship with your neighbours.

Sirzy · 17/12/2017 08:16

Can each have very separate “morning activities” then to stop the arguing?

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:16

Sorry, we will try some other stuff with them. We're not going to let them run wild, I'm just fed up of the daily battle of it all and now we have to add more things to it. Funsies!

I think I'm more upset by the thumping to be honest, he knows us as neighbours and he knows we are approachable.

OP posts:

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 17/12/2017 08:18

Crikey I grew up in inner London and would have a couple on one side verbally and physically fighting at all hours day and night and the house backing on to us (garden to garden) would play the most choice raga/hip hop music until late at night and most of the day ALL weekend! A couple of children playing wouldn't bother me even at 7am on a Sunday.

swingofthings · 17/12/2017 08:19

You need to install strategies. No playing with cars or other toys at 7am. Instead, tell them that if they are good and stay in bed until 7:30 am, they will be entitled to watch a favourite film/TV programme and get them used to wifi earphones. Say that if they are good through the film, they can have their favourite breakfast afterwards.

AuntLydia · 17/12/2017 08:20

God, some of the responses on here. I'd hide this thread op and post somewhere else asking for help and ideas to keep the noise down or stop it travelling. These lovely folks who feel you should be more considerate of your neighbours are going to thoroughly enjoy pulling you apart.

It sounds like you are trying hard to keep the noise down under very difficult circumstances. Could you look into methods of soundproofing your house?

bluebells1 · 17/12/2017 08:22

I am sure you will be perfectly alright with regular 2 am parties by your neighbour. Or will you moan about how your kids are unable to sleep?

Lizzie48 · 17/12/2017 08:28

I agree that the thumping is poor, YANBU to be annoyed by that, OP. It does sound as if you and DH need to think about a strategy to keep them quiet on a Sunday morning as people do like to have a lie in. But there needs to be give and take in your situation as some noise is unavoidable in your situation.

itsallrelative2017 · 17/12/2017 08:29

Perhaps you need to try getting out of bed yourself and you engage one child while your OH engages the other - then no arguments over the same toys?

I get that you probably want a lie in too but your sleep doesn't trump your neighbours when it's your DC creating the noise.

Cantuccit · 17/12/2017 08:30

Tell them you're trying your best to keep noise down and that if they have any issues, they should take them up with the council, who are aware of your children's special needs.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:31

as some noise is unavoidable in your situation

I disagree that noise is unavoidable with a 4 year old and a 7 year old

Littlecaf · 17/12/2017 08:31

If the neighbours do go to the Council re noise, what are the Council going to do? They are not going to take action against two children with SEN & parents who are trying to keep the noise down. That would be a PR disaster!

RatRolyPoly · 17/12/2017 08:32

I'm sorry op, sounds really tough. In answer to your question, "what is reasonable?", "the best you can do in all good conscience" is reasonable. If you're sure that's what you're doing then your are being reasonable. Do your neighbours understand the specifics of the situation with the DC? It might help ease their frustration.

Cantuccit · 17/12/2017 08:32

Perhaps you need to try getting out of bed yourself and you engage one child while your OH engages the other - then no arguments over the same toys?

Fuck that. OP, don't stop taking your lie-in. Neighbours should buy some ear plugs.

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:32

If the neighbours do go to the Council re noise, what are the Council going to do? They are not going to take action against two children with SEN & parents who are trying to keep the noise down. That would be a PR disaster!

yes, they will take action. Ours have, up to and including eviction

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:33

although, I am not suggesting that is likely in your case op

TribbleToilandTrouble · 17/12/2017 08:33

bluebells not a clue what that has to do with this thread?

Aunt I'm ignoring them, there have been some helpful responses here and dh and I have discussed some stuff which we can implement in the future. Also, we rent and can't afford to soundproof (although rugs will make an appearance soon to try and muffle things). We don't have wooden floors.

OP posts:

Greenshoots1 · 17/12/2017 08:35

The families evicted or threatened with eviction on our block have had children who were making so much noise so much of the time that it made even having a conversation in our house difficult at times... it was on a totally different level, I am not trying to scare the OP, just point out that yes, the council can intervene with noisy children, SEN or not

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.