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Original poster

Christmas cards and women changing their name upon marriage!

950 replies

mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:17

I am recently married and did not change my name.

I have been writing out my Christmas cards tonight and have realised that only 1 other woman I am posting to hasn't changed their name and another double barrelled theirs (he didn't).

Everyone else is Mr & Mrs {His Initial} Patriarchy.

I am quite enraged by it all! I have become more feminist as I have got older as I have started to question the norm Hmm more. Especially since reading the feminist boards on here.

I just want to shake every woman who changes their name!!

I am going to get slaughtered here aren't I??

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 15/12/2017 23:13

I'm sorry for the problems in your marriage, OP, but you need to deal with it constructively rather than taking it out on married women whom you presume to be happier than you.

Lashalicious · 15/12/2017 23:15

Oh my, another thread like this...every month or so. Is it the same person I wonder? This is not a card thread, it’s another maiden name thread. What a bore! You kept your father’s name; wahoo!! you are simply carrying out his patriarchal line just as any of his or any man’s children, male or female. What a simple-minded person you are that you don’t get that.

So op, you want to shake women who don’t do what you tell them to? That sounds a lot like what an abusive man would do. If you tried to shake any of us you’d get your face slapped. What a complete ass you are. Nobody give’s a buck tooth rat’s rear end that you didn’t change your name or that you are enraged. So what?

Nobody loses their identity if they choose to take another name. What nonsense. I haven’t lost my identity. I kept my name and added my husband’s and is perfect for me. You keeping your maiden name is perfect for you. Women get to decide how they want to do their names. It’s none of your business. A man or woman can take their partner’s name or vice versa or any sort of combo or none. It’s called freedom.
Wow, I am glad you are not in any position of power over anyone.

Get over yourself. Nobody cares about your pseudo feminism.

Glitteryfrog · 15/12/2017 23:15

I got married this year.
I haven't changed my name... because I'm too lazy and cannot be arsed to talk to the bank etc.
But I also don't care what I'm addressed as, Miss Unmarried name, Ms Unmarried, Mrs Married (Mrs Unmarried annoys me slightly - my dentist has me as a Mrs and I don't know why?)
DH finds it cute when we get post for Mr &Mrs Married

donquixotedelamancha · 15/12/2017 23:15

I'm going now because I've fucked this right up!

Nah. It's an enjoyably goady thread, which prompts a good old argument. No fuck up- you just lost the argument is all.

Voice0fReason · 15/12/2017 23:16

I don't need shaking thank you.

My DH and I had a discussion about this before we got married. WE decided jointly, that I would change my name. He was more than happy to change his.

Our marriage came at a time in my life when I wanted to draw a line on previous years and be my new self. I wanted to change my name because it was part of that process. It felt good. It was a positive decision for me.

I am a feminist. For me, feminism is about having choices. It isn't about being insulted by other women for not being feminist enough for their liking.

Samcro · 15/12/2017 23:16

'I just want to shake every woman who changes their name!'

come on...
really who died and made the op queen?
so she wanted to keep her fathers name so starts a thread slgging of women who take their husbands name....it was never her name unless she chose it by deed poll.

bonbonours · 15/12/2017 23:17

"So why should i have to be the one that changes her whole identity just because I married a man"

Er changing my name did not "change my whole identity." The vast majority of people who know me call me by my first name, which has not changed, and my personality and who I am has not changed because I changed my surname. Identity is a whole lot more than a name.

soapboxqueen · 15/12/2017 23:18

OK. If it's a freely made choice, why do so few men do it? There must be plenty who have very valid reasons for doing so.

Abbotswood · 15/12/2017 23:18

OP, I'm totally with you, but you will be slaughtered and the women on here will trot out the usual reasons pathetic excuses

I want my children to have the same name - this is the worst - just give the kids your name, you carried them for nine months and gave birth, and tell the dad to change HIS name!!
I didn't like my maiden name - funny how so few men trot this one out
It is my choice and that is feminism - funny how so few men choose this
I wanted to - DID YOU?
People assumed I would so I did - so you are akin to a sheep
I really liked DPs name - ha ha
I fancied a change - ditto
There are bigger issues to deal with - ^]so you subverting your identity is nothing?
What other women do is their choice - yey for the sisterhood!!
My maidenname is a man's too so what is the difference - you gotta start somewhere.

In reality, they all want to be seen as married, as taken, as chosen and that is the marker. Being Mrs [husbands name] gives them a standing in society. The fact that it comes from a law where men owned women and children (hence giving women and children their name) matters not a jot. Don't you know its romantic.

In reality, they didn't dare not as their husbands would not have accepted it. In reality, they are all little women subverting to male patriarchy and they rather like it.

Remember, they have all been practising writing the name with their their husband's and it would be shame to deny them now.

What really pisses me off is that I can't just look up people on Facebook.

The term 'maiden name' should be outlawed, as should Mrs. We should not have to declare our marital status every time we write our name.

So shoot me. Grin Also waiting for onslaught.

zsazsajuju · 15/12/2017 23:19

I agree op. It never occurred to me to change my name. My name is my name that I have had since I was born. I am not changing it.

Marriage is totally outdated. The idea that women need to marry a men for financial security should be consigned to the past. We will not achieve financial liberation and equality until it is.

overnightangel · 15/12/2017 23:19

You’re not so much unreasonable as plain boring.
Find something important to get annoyed about

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/12/2017 23:20

I'm actually more annoyed OP, that you were too drunk to change your name when that is what you said you would have done to post this thread... Hmm

Just how cowardly are you that you wouldn't have had the strength of your own convictions to post in your usual username but for the alcohol?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 15/12/2017 23:20

Most women I know have changed their surname to their husband's.
One couple double barrelled their surnames to make a pleasant and more distinctive combination as his surname was very common.

I chose to take DH's surname. Our names would not double-barrel well. I was happy to tie part of my identity in with DH and now share it with the DCs. I shared my maiden name with extended family rather than with my parents and had no difficulty in adjusting to a change in my name. Maybe being a teacher in a new school helped with being called Mrs Idiosyncratic very frequently Grin It was easier for me to adjust and clarify that my paperwork still said Miss Oldname, but I'm now called Mrs Idiosyncratic compared to DH defying convention and re-identifying himself to a range of existing professional contacts.

Out of the choices of double barrelling, DH changing, making up a new name, staying with my maiden name or switching to DH's surname, switching to DH's surname worked best for me. I'd prefer not to be shaken thanks Wink

zsazsajuju · 15/12/2017 23:21

I am also with you abbotswood. Fed up of excuses for patriarchy because some women like this perceived outdated status.

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2017 23:23

Abbots what a crock.

In reality, they all want to be seen as married, as taken, as chosen and that is the marker. Being Mrs [husbands name] gives them a standing in society.

Do you really believe this? How sad.

Knittedfairies · 15/12/2017 23:23

My daughter kept her family of origin's name/father's name/maiden name - call it what you will, but isn’t at all bothered if someone assumes she has the same surname as her husband. She was royally annoyed recently when she had to provide proof of identity at the Post Office to collect a parcel and had to go home for her marriage certificate though..

KennDodd · 15/12/2017 23:24

I agree with Abbotswood

soapboxqueen · 15/12/2017 23:25

Owlina if Abbot isn't right, why is it mostly women who change their names? If it was a neutral act, there would be equal numbers of men and women changing their names.

chocolateorangeowls · 15/12/2017 23:26

Ha ha some of you lot are crazy (and clearly don't have enough to worry about if you have so much time to get annoyed about what other people do in their marriages.) OP I think you need to go and have a lie down if this bothers you so much 😂

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/12/2017 23:27

Trolls, I see lots of hairy trolls Shock

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2017 23:28

It was that bit in particular. No woman I know has changed her name because it gave them standing in society.

My dad changed his name when he got married, so it's not only women who do.

Lashalicious · 15/12/2017 23:28

PoorYorick has nailed it. Haha.

Nobody’s lost their identity. Absolute bores.

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2017 23:30

My dad changed his name when he got married, so it's not only women who do in my experience I should have added.

Abbotswood · 15/12/2017 23:31

Women like to believe they have been chosen.

That is why there are so many threads with women waiting for a proposal.

Now that is what is truly sad,

Samcro · 15/12/2017 23:32

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe oh yes