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Original poster

Christmas cards and women changing their name upon marriage!

950 replies

mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:17

I am recently married and did not change my name.

I have been writing out my Christmas cards tonight and have realised that only 1 other woman I am posting to hasn't changed their name and another double barrelled theirs (he didn't).

Everyone else is Mr & Mrs {His Initial} Patriarchy.

I am quite enraged by it all! I have become more feminist as I have got older as I have started to question the norm Hmm more. Especially since reading the feminist boards on here.

I just want to shake every woman who changes their name!!

I am going to get slaughtered here aren't I??

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 15/12/2017 22:44

Choosing to take your husbands name isn't a choice freely taken. There's only hundreds of years (if not longer) of societal pressure and tradition holding it up. If it were truely a free choice there would be equal numbers of men and women choosing to take their partners name but there isn't. Though we are on the right track.

It's not even a global phenomenon.

And no keeping your maiden name is not just keeping your fathers name anymore than a man keeping his name is keeping his father's name.

You can change your name to whatever you want, it is your choice, but you can't pretend like that choice is made in a vacuum.

lorelairoryemily · 15/12/2017 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrostyThirties0 · 15/12/2017 22:44

I would like to understand the reasons why women change their names upon marriage:

Because. We. Want. To.

Because they want to have the same surname as their children - why?

Because. We. Want. To.

Why does it honestly matter to you?

RestingGrinchFace · 15/12/2017 22:44

I changed my name when I married. It wasn't because of the patriarchy. It was because my maiden name was half the length of the alphabet, impossible to pronounce and even harder to spell and I was rather sick of it. I now have a nice, easy name so you can fuck right off and take your simple minded assumptions with you!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/12/2017 22:45

You describe yourself as a feminist yet want to "shake" other women if they want to change their name, ie if they don't agree with your point of view.

Okay then...

stickytoffeevodka · 15/12/2017 22:46

But your maiden name is your father's name - what's the difference?

MaisyPops · 15/12/2017 22:47

Women have the choice whether to change their name or not.
I don't like the type of feminism that suggests there is only one way to be feminist. It reminds me of a uni lecturer who told me that i couldn't choose to be a SAHM later in life and be feminist. I pointed out that as a woman it is my perrogative to make an informed decision that works for me and partner in due course and her view isn't very inclusive or feminist if it believes women can't make their own choices.

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2017 22:47

You seem very angry about this.

1.People like to have a family name that is the same for everyone.
2.because it's a faff to do and costs money if you are not getting married.

I would not put (for eg)
Mr and Mrs G Shufflebottom on a card though, I'd just put
Mr and Mrs Shufflebottom. I don't like the man's initial thing myself. I wouldn't be mega upset if a card came with my Dh's initial but I'd roll my eyes a bit.

saladdays66 · 15/12/2017 22:47

You’re overthinking it.

We have to have a system where families can share a surname. I was happy to take dh’s surname.

I roll my eyes when we get cards addressed to mr and mrs dh’s initial, but you know, there are loads more important things to worry about.

Splinterz · 15/12/2017 22:48

My two pen'orth worth. It's a family name. I'm proud to be my husbands wife. We created a family. That's good, it's our legacy when we pass on.

You know OP, getting your undies bunched up your crack because some people choose to follow traditional pathways isn't good for your blood pressure.

PickAChew · 15/12/2017 22:49

I was quite happy to relinquish the surname that I inherited from my father, anyhow.

missmapp · 15/12/2017 22:49

I changed my name when I got married because I wanted to be the 'newnam e ' fanily. I l I've all ring one and together. Yes, I miss my old name but I am much than a name. I am me ,whatever i am called, I do not need to keep my name to keep my identity.

juddyrockingcloggs · 15/12/2017 22:49

I would like to shake women who can't accept that other women make their own choice! I love having my husbands name. I wanted to change it when we got married. Get over it.

OwlinaTree · 15/12/2017 22:50

X post saladXmas Grin

missmapp · 15/12/2017 22:50

Stupid typos. Should say I love being all together.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2017 22:50

I've shaken myself for you. I hate a surname I disliked and swapped it for one I love. My kids have my new surname, like their dad. it makes life easier for us to identify as a family.

As pointed out, my maiden name was not a female family line name, it was my dad's name!

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2017 22:51

I had a surname I disliked! Hate Freudian slip!

abouttimeforanotherone · 15/12/2017 22:51

What I like is that these days we now have the freedom of choice to decide whether or not to change surname. I am happy to respect the choice other people make in this respect.
Incidentally, friends of ours were married earlier this year and decided they would both change names, they are now double-barrelled. Sensible compromise there.

LegallyBrunet · 15/12/2017 22:51

Why does it bother you that other women changed their name? It's their choice and doesn't impact on you in anyway. I intend to change my name when I marry but keep my maiden name professionally

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/12/2017 22:51

Time for some armchair psychoanalysis: you are uncomfortable with the concept of marriage in general as it is essentially a patriarchal construct. You decided to do it but you would make a song and dance of the fact you haven't changed your name (when if you don't think it should be done at all why would you make such a big song and dance about it)?

You yourself are questioning the construct of marriage and of name changing and identity when in reality most women are comfortable with their choices about marriage and name changing, secure in the knowledge it changes nothing about who they are as a person.

But you have a point to prove and you'll keep going with it, insulting other women and telling them they have no identity anymore while simultaneously insisting you are a feminist.

Runningoutofusernames · 15/12/2017 22:52

Absolutely. Keeping your father's name is so much more feminist than taking the one of the person you chose to align your life with Hmm

Different strokes different folks and all that.

Jakeyboy1 · 15/12/2017 22:53

@mulledoverwine I know a man who changed his surname due to bad connotations, when he got married he didn't want his wife to have his dickhead father's name. Equally she didn't ant her didkhead father's name so they looked through family tree and chose one they liked - I love that!

For my part my deal was that if I changed name our kids would have my maiden name as middle name and they do.

cricketqueen · 15/12/2017 22:53

Wow you claim to be a feminist but want to shake women who make a choice different to yours..... how nice of you.
I chose to take my husband's name it was my choice no one forced me. You chose to keep your maiden name and I really couldn't care less cause it's your choice so why do you give a fuck what I choose....

Bl7589 · 15/12/2017 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellie56 · 15/12/2017 22:54

And when do you ever hear of men changing their surnames due to bad connotations?

I have a friend who has married twice and taken his wife's name both times. He didn't like his previous name.