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Original poster

Christmas cards and women changing their name upon marriage!

950 replies

mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:17

I am recently married and did not change my name.

I have been writing out my Christmas cards tonight and have realised that only 1 other woman I am posting to hasn't changed their name and another double barrelled theirs (he didn't).

Everyone else is Mr & Mrs {His Initial} Patriarchy.

I am quite enraged by it all! I have become more feminist as I have got older as I have started to question the norm Hmm more. Especially since reading the feminist boards on here.

I just want to shake every woman who changes their name!!

I am going to get slaughtered here aren't I??

OP posts:
stickytoffeevodka · 15/12/2017 22:32

Yawn. Not this again.

cautiousoptimist1 · 15/12/2017 22:32

I would describe myself as a feminist but took my husbands name when we married as I wanted us all to have the same name whenever we had children.
In my opinion, true feminism is in having the choice and freedom to choose what suits your circumstances.

Amanduh · 15/12/2017 22:32

I have seen this thread every Christmas for the last five years goodbye

Ragwort · 15/12/2017 22:33

I really don't get the angst over sharing a husband's name when, in most cases, you have been using your father's name as a 'maiden' name (that in itself is an incredibly outmoded description). Grin. Surely you are just as much your father's property as your husband's property if that is how you view the concept of a surname. (Probably haven't explained that very well).

Surely the best thing would be to decide on a completely new and different name for yourself as an individual?

Original poster
mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:33

I have no issue whatsoever with women making the choice to change their name. My issue is why it's always the woman? Why is it that as soon as they get a wedding ring on their finger they suddenly become Mrs MyHusbandsFirstInitial MyHusbandsSurname. They have no identity anymore apart from being married to a man.

I only want to shake them to ask them why they are doing this and do they realise?

OP posts:
FlouncyDoves · 15/12/2017 22:33

Wind your neck in OP.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/12/2017 22:34

It's not exactly fgm is it

Ragwort · 15/12/2017 22:35

Amanduh - same thread for 15 years actually, as are most topics on mumsnet Grin - very rarely see any completely new and original discussion.

apacketofcrisps · 15/12/2017 22:35

I changed my name. And I have plenty of identity in my own right! How can you say I've become mrs his initial his surname? For a start it's MY surname now.

You don't change yours if you don't like it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hatstand · 15/12/2017 22:35

Why is it more feminist to keep your father's name? Plenty of men change or double barrel nowadays, or create a new hybrid family name.

MoistCantaloupe · 15/12/2017 22:36

Lethal Grin

Original poster
mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:36

I have been on MN for over 6 years. I personally haven't seen a Christmas card thread like this. If you don't like it, don't post.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 15/12/2017 22:36

I want to shake you OP.

I can't get worked up about name changing, but I don't want to be shaken and told what to do.

HTH

sausagerollsrock · 15/12/2017 22:38

They have no identity anymore apart from being married to a man
Really? So now I have no identity. Right-o!

SoupDragon · 15/12/2017 22:38

I have been on MN for over 6 years. I personally haven't seen a Christmas card thread like this

There's been one in the last week by someone complaining about names on envelopes.

lorelairoryemily · 15/12/2017 22:39

What's it got to do with you if a woman changes her name? Mind your own business.

lalalalyra · 15/12/2017 22:40

Why would you want to prevent a woman choosing to change her name if that's what she wanted?

I chose to change mine. I was happy to change. DH is well established in his career and his is an easy to spell name. I was just starting out so no issues about reconisability, it was a fucker to spell and say and it was given to me by my violent, abusive father who I haven't seen since I was a child.

There's nothing feminst in removing a choice from other women.

Original poster
mulledoverwine · 15/12/2017 22:41

OK I'll phrase it differently. I would like to understand the reasons why women change their names upon marriage:

  1. Because they want to have the same surname as their children - why?
  2. They don't like the history surrounding their surname - why didn't you change it before rather than wait until you were married? What if he had a really SHIT surname?

Also, this whole "oh it was your father's name before" BS. Yes it was my father's name however it's now MY name. So why should i have to be the one that changes her whole identity just because I married a man. Who, by the way, gets to keep his family name.

OP posts:
DevonLodger · 15/12/2017 22:41

I didn't change my name when I married. I don't find it inconvenient at all to have different names. No one bats an eye lid, husband doesn't care neither do any friends or family. My children have husband's surname and my name as their middle name. Wish I'd held out for my surname. That's my only regret.

WonkyDonk87 · 15/12/2017 22:42

My brother considered taking his wife's maiden name and I've always thought it was a shame because the new one was much better sounding (conjured up images of a v. cool professional snowboarder in my head for some reason). If common culture allowed far more often then I'd like to think couples could have a choice about what they prefer, but think it doesn't happen due to all the expected corrections they'd have to make eg. with addressed cards etc

Slapdasherie · 15/12/2017 22:42

Ragwort

Why do you think a man owns his own birth surname, and a woman doesn’t? Either a person owns their name or it’s their father’s name in both cases surely?

Unless only men can own names?

I share a name with my father, but it is still my name, because it is the name I’ve been known as since I was born.

QuitMoaning · 15/12/2017 22:42

Is this one of those threads where the OP says “Am I being unreasonable ?”
Everyone else says “Yes”
And then the OP refuses to accept it? I like those ones.

Btw, I am divorced and still have my ex husbands surname. He hates it but I did to keep same name as my son. Where do I go to get my free shaking?

Starlight2345 · 15/12/2017 22:43

My now exh offered to change his surname . Neither of us wanted our surnames . It was my choice to change to his . Feminism is supposed to be about choice iimo

LoniceraJaponica · 15/12/2017 22:43

You are overthinking it.

Calic0 · 15/12/2017 22:44

Well, when I got married my DH and I seriously considered doing some sort of hybrid surname. But then it would have cost us both to change names by deed poll and we were already shelling out so that everyone could have a free bar...

I love having the same name as my husband. I don't feel like I gave something up, I feel like he shared something special with me.