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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a gift-wrapped potato to DD on Christmas morning?

389 replies

Skittlesandbeer · 15/12/2017 21:47

Was chatting with school mums yesterday while we watched kids play sport. This idea was raised, and split opinion in the group.

Given that most of us have used Santa/Father Christmas coming as a carrot or a stick to encourage good behaviour in DC over November and December, doesn’t it follow that we should deal with the bad behaviour on the Christmas present pile as well?

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

This came out of a conversation about how our kids (aged 4-8) have cottoned on to the disconnect between their mums harping on about Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list, and in reality there’s actually a shed load of stuff to open (even though they know they’ve been naughty). One mum said her kids sneer that Santa doesn’t care, and they know they can get presents anyway so why bother being good?

I quite liked the idea, and of keeping the potato in the ‘loot pile’ for a while afterwards as a reminder (until I can’t be arsed going to the shops and cook it for their dinner!).

So AIBU to wrap one?

And perhaps give it to DD first, if she wakes me at 5.30am on the 25th after I’ve had to coordinate 40 pairs of coat hanger/tinsel angel wings for Christmas Eve mass? Xmas Grin

A valid parenting hack, or unreasonably mean (Christmas) spirited?

OP posts:
steppemum · 15/12/2017 22:07

recently, on a thread about the Elf on a Shelf, I said that I thought it was horrible to use 'be good for Santa' threats around Christmas, and I was ridiculed, told that nobody actually did that.

Well, people obviously do and it is horrible.
I have never told my kids that you'd better be good or Santa won't bring any presents. I have never understood the need to use Santa as a threat.

I think 'Have you been good?' is a pretty stupid question anyway.
So, adults create a situation where kids are massivley wound up and over excited and therefore unabel to keep to normal behaviour, and then punish kids for behaving badly becuase they are massively wound up and over excited

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/12/2017 22:08

It's not something I'd do, no.

Not all, but some children would be very hurt and sad, even if temporarily, and that would be such a shame on Christmas morning.

Knittedfairies · 15/12/2017 22:08

This is a situation where the superpower of hindsight would be wonderful; your daughter will laugh about it every Christmas for years...or she'll be sad about it for years.

Without knowing her reaction, I wouldn't do it.

GottadoitGottadoit · 15/12/2017 22:08

It’s shit parenting. As is using Santa as a threat.

TheNoseyProject · 15/12/2017 22:09

No don’t manipulate your kids parent them properly. Extrinsic motivation doesn’t work - your friend’s child’s scorn shows that.

Wyrdesista · 15/12/2017 22:09

I think it’s mean and the punishment is intruding on a special occasion which is unnecessarily harsh.

I don’t agree with using Xmas Day as a bribe for good behaviour, the whole ‘be good for Santa’ doesn’t even work on little children.Make your point in a normal way, have a reward chard, use positive discipline.

Tbh it sounds completely dysfunctional to even think of wrapping a potato up to prove a point, is that how you want your dc to remember Xmas Day?

TheImportanceofBeingEarnest · 15/12/2017 22:09

Maybe just teach your children to behave nicely - modelling nice behaviour would be a start - without using F.C. as some sort of impossible to win mind game?
If your child came home from school and said x teacher gave me a stone and all the other children got a chocolate you would implode with righteous indignation that your poor child was being unfairly treated. Yet you'd give them a potato as a lesson to 'behave nicely'? Giving your child a potato as a punishment for 'bad' behaviour is shit and abusive.
Play your silly games on like minded adults but don't use your children as pawns in your 'aren't I clever to be so mean' games to kids.

Whowhatwhy · 15/12/2017 22:10

I'd say if you want to ruin Christmas Day and provide your child with something to feel sad about in 20 years time then go for it OP.

Valerrie · 15/12/2017 22:11

We wrapped a cauliflower for DD two years ago because she put one on her Christmas list to "test" Santa. She thought it was absolutely hilarious when she unwrapped it.

This year she's asked for a Nintendo Switch. I've wrapped up a light switch with a Nintendo sticker on it and she'll be opening that on Christmas Day. Can't wait to see her face Grin

She has got a real one too.

ButchyRestingFace · 15/12/2017 22:11

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

I'm shocked.

That's foul.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/12/2017 22:12

Funny that I saw a video on FB yesterday of a child who got a potato for Xmas (it backfired because the child loved it Grin)

OP don’t be silly.

  1. your child will refuse to eat any potatoes for Xmas dinner and possibly the next 14 years of their life

  2. Xmas day should not be used to “win” the discipline battle. Seriously, you’ve all year to do that. Don’t ruin Xmas day for everyone because you made a dodgy threat.

EmpressoftheMundane · 15/12/2017 22:12

It's not a good idea.

Deal with misbehaviour at the time it happens.

Let Xmas be kind, loving and joyful, not cruel and vindictive towards your own child.

MrsFionaCharming · 15/12/2017 22:13

I think it depends on how you do it. If you warn her that if she’s naughty she’ll get potatoes, and then she finds a potato amongst her presents, that’s probably quite funny and ok.

If she finds a potato which says it’s instead of another present, that seems less ok. She’ll be wondering what present it’s there instead of, and possibly get very upset by the thought of how close she was to getting the puppy / dolls house / iPad she really wanted but instead for a potato.

Andylion · 15/12/2017 22:13

One year my nephew, then almost 5 years old, topped his Christmas list, (which we, his aunts, had asked for) with , "NO SOCKS!"

What did we do? We wrapped a pair of socks, in which we had put the first clue to a treasure hunt he had to complete in order to find his real present, which was something he really wanted.

No I wonder if that was mean. Xmas Sad His sisters got treasure hunt gifts, too.

speakout · 15/12/2017 22:14

It's a horrible thing to do.

I have never used the naughty /nice thing with santa.

It's vindictive.

Original poster
Skittlesandbeer · 15/12/2017 22:14

The potato-loving kids stories are making my day! It legitimately might happen here too...

On the ‘using Santa’ to discipline kids thing, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me that came up with the ‘naughty and nice list’ concept Confused, it’s part and parcel of the Santa concept (and scuse the pun). My kid gets that message from her whole culture, not just me.

Should I clarify that I’m not suggesting a potato as the only gift? I honestly don’t see how a kid opening a potato while sitting in a pile of gifts they absolutely love, will be traumatised for life. Perhaps it depends on the kid.

OP posts:
BenLui · 15/12/2017 22:15

It’s completely beyond me why anyone says “Santa won’t come if you aren’t good”. It’s not true.

It’s very obviously not true.

It also seems to wind kids up into incredible stress/excitement during Christmas all exacerbated by the bloody Elf

I have never said it to my own children.

becotide · 15/12/2017 22:17

It's shitty, lazy parenting, don't do it

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 15/12/2017 22:18

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me that came up with the ‘naughty and nice list’ concept confused, it’s part and parcel of the Santa concept (and scuse the pun). My kid gets that message from her whole culture, not just me.

She does if you perpetuate it! You don’t have to you know! You can have Santa without the whole “naughty/nice” aspect.

MarshaBradyo · 15/12/2017 22:18

Horrible. But you’re not really thinking of doing it are you?

Makes me sad / annoyed that anyone would to do this to their child

Wyrdesista · 15/12/2017 22:18

‘I honestly don’t see how a kid opening a potato while sitting in a pile of gifts they absolutely love, will be traumatised for life. Perhaps it depends on the kid.’

That’s the problem! In your mind you have trivialised this, to your dc it won’t be trivial or a bit of a laugh. In amongst the pile of lovely presents is a crude reminder that you are pissed off with them.

It would leave a bitter taste in anyone’s mouth. They might not be traumatised for life but you have sucked the joy out of opening their presents.

steppemum · 15/12/2017 22:19

On the ‘using Santa’ to discipline kids thing, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me that came up with the ‘naughty and nice list’ concept confused, it’s part and parcel of the Santa concept (and scuse the pun). My kid gets that message from her whole culture, not just me.

not blaming you for the concept OP, but no, it isn't actually part of the tradition for many of us. My parents didn't use, it their parents didn't use it, my kids are baffled by it.

MarshaBradyo · 15/12/2017 22:19

Oh right as one of many, hilarious not really

endehors · 15/12/2017 22:20

On xmas day I opened a box of tissues, a tin of beans and some of my old clothes she’d wrapped up. Everyone thought it was hilarious. I didn’t and it still makes me feel sad.
And I hope you got a 'real' present after that, Sylvia. Shock That's just appalling.

ladybirdsaredotty · 15/12/2017 22:21

Yup, agree with others. It wouldn't enter my head to use Santa/FC coming or not as a threat.

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