To give a gift-wrapped potato to DD on Christmas morning?

[Skittlesandbeer]

Was chatting with school mums yesterday while we watched kids play sport. This idea was raised, and split opinion in the group.

Given that most of us have used Santa/Father Christmas coming as a carrot or a stick to encourage good behaviour in DC over November and December, doesn’t it follow that we should deal with the bad behaviour on the Christmas present pile as well?

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

This came out of a conversation about how our kids (aged 4-8) have cottoned on to the disconnect between their mums harping on about Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list, and in reality there’s actually a shed load of stuff to open (even though they know they’ve been naughty). One mum said her kids sneer that Santa doesn’t care, and they know they can get presents anyway so why bother being good?

I quite liked the idea, and of keeping the potato in the ‘loot pile’ for a while afterwards as a reminder (until I can’t be arsed going to the shops and cook it for their dinner!).

So AIBU to wrap one?

And perhaps give it to DD first, if she wakes me at 5.30am on the 25th after I’ve had to coordinate 40 pairs of coat hanger/tinsel angel wings for Christmas Eve mass?

A valid parenting hack, or unreasonably mean (Christmas) spirited?

Downtheroad, I know that isn't what you're saying, but recieving a potato isn't going to cause any distress, as long as they get the same amount of stuff they normally would. I'm just not understanding how this could have a detrimental effect. It's in the song, "he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake" Anyway, my 3 year old is spraying the cat with febreze, I'd better go put him in the consequences corner or whatever it's called these days, heaven forbid we should use the word naughty.

Agatha, it’s the law that states that any post correcting someone’s spelling or grammar on the internet will contain at least one spelling or grammar mistake of its own.

I think most people would agree that it's totally normal to take away the febreeze and say it is naughty to torment the cat.

That's normal life, typical day of parenting.

Giving a symbol of censure on an emotionally charged day like Xmas is heavy handed for DCstill young enough to believe in Santa.

Madsy, surely it’d be more effective to do nothing now, let him Febreze the cat and then give him a potato at Christmas?

Oh. I hadn't heard that one before. I thought Murphy's law was 'anything that can go wrong will go wrong'? yup, caught out, I spelled received incorrectly. Those pesky 'ie's'.

not at all, tangerino, I dole out consequences as and when things occur. The lot of you screaming abuse about the addition of a spud to the presents under the tree is quite laughable though.

Muphry nor Murphy (I wouldn’t normally point out a spelling error, it’s just you made it in a sentence sneering at other people’s spelling.)

A potato in the bottom of a stocking is fine if it's treated as a joke. Especially if everyone gets one or it's a family tradition.

Wrapping a potato with a note that the child would have got a present instead if they'd behaved better is incredibly mean and not funny. And that's true whether the child has two other presents or fifty. It's not about the material loss of a present and the child being spoilt/greedy, it's about how it makes them feel.

On what is supposed to be a special, happy day, they're reminded of things that they've done wrong. Which is the point, right? To make them feel like a bad child on Christmas morning so that maybe they'll behave better next year. That's what's emotionally abusive. Not the potato itself.

Madsy, some posters upthread have recounted their memories of christmases where their parents chose to make a point about behaviour via presents. I thought they were really, really sad stories tbh - but maybe you think they need to get a grip too?

Dredging up past misdemeanours is shit behaviour imo - I wouldn't do it to staff I manage, and I wouldn't do it to my children. Doing it to spoil a special occasion doesn't exactly make it any better.

Using bribery to motivate your children to behave also seems pretty poor tbh (reading this thread I can see that there may be some exceptions e.g. MrsKoala's family, but I do think these are very much exceptions - my child really isn't anything special, but he's intrinsically motivated to be good and to do what I expect of him - I think children generally are).

There's a law for that en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law

chequeplease I do this every year and I can honestly say that it has never tarnished anybody's day.

would say depends on what type of behaviour. Think i may use this idea and give my youngest a potatoe from santa for breaking his brothers nose, deliberately of course, wouldn't of done if it was accident ;) thanks for the idea :)

God, there's always one who trots out the EA card isn't there?

personally I couldn't be arsed couldn't do it but certainly if it was just a part of Christmas then of course it's not emotional abuse if it's done in conjunction with other presents.

Billy Connolly did a brilliant sketch on this, will try to find it in a second, but basically he tells the story of how a little boy used to swear constantly and, at the end of their teather, the parents decided to give him a sack full of horse manure for Christmas as means of a lesson/punishment. So Christmas Day dawns and the kids wake up. The sister is extatic, she's got a doll, a pram, various other things she loves and she asks her brother what he's got. Philosophically he muses, "well, I got a horse but it ran away.

Of course, in this day and age it's probably anti feminist to give your kids a pram and emotional abuse to give your child a sack of horse shit, but semantics innit.

Want to know how to get your kids to behave well and not need disciplining? Try modeling good and respectful behavior that fosters trust and kindness and empathy. Want mean kids? Show them how to be mean.....

Actually, it's more than one who has suggested it is potentially emotional abuse.

A comedian making a standup joke about something is role modelling real life for you.

it's probably anti feminist to give your kids a pram and emotional abuse to give your child a sack of horse shit, but semantics innit
Not really, no...
Any more parenting tips from Billy Connolly, or other comedians ?

I hate that santa has a naughty/nice list. We just don't have the money to get my kids all the things they want. My kids are good children (mostly) but I don't want them going to school and seeing that there friends have got 'better presents' and mistakenly thinking that they got less presents because they have been naughty. I don't use santa or other threats as weapons to maintain good behaviour because it upsets me

My children have always had Brussels Sprouts in their stockings (supposedly replacing presents for the times they have been naughty) - they are untraumatized. In reality we haven't taken anything out, but it keeps them wondering what they might have had.

Not read everybody's replies but read enough to think - yep, it's a bad idea! And clearly it's not the same as sweets that look like coal or in-jokes etc. Not sure if age of child has been revealed but either they are young enough to believe or old enough to doubt. Either way it will be remembered and at some point they might wonder why you chose to do this. Plus you might spoil everyone's Christmas morning. Only once a year... Is it worth it?

Feels really childish and it also models spitefulness and how to hold a grudge.

Brilliant idea!! Far too many spoilt over indulged kids. If a wrapped potato makes them reflect on their behaviour then I say go for it. May try it with my huffy 12 year old!

I imagine there are a lot more kids who believe they are traumatised by it because we've brought them up to be traumatised over the smallest things these days.

If you took the Santa story out of the equation and it wasn't Christmas it would be perfectly acceptable to tell a child that actually, the way they have been behaving recently means that no, they shouldn't be entitled to get whatever the hell they want whenever they want it. But we're raising a generation of over indulged spoiled brats who have learned that if they don't get the best most expensive/up to date material possessions that money can buy they will probably become victims of either abused parents, or bullies or both. And in twenty years time these children will be being encouraged to "go NC" with the parents who dared to tell them no.

The parenting of the 70's 80's was by no means ideal in some instances, but as a society we appear to have gone completely the other way without considering that there is likely middle ground between abuse and over-indulgence.

I think the posters who have suggested that giving potatoes to signal that the child has been naughty and doesn't deserve Christmas presents is a bad idea, also tell their children no routinely and correct them day in day out.

Choosing not to play head games with a small child on Xmas morning is not the same thing as "giving children whatever they want."

Loverofcake most rational people aim for that middle ground, don’t they? I think that most people are objecting to using spite to punish an excited child that could have been more appropriately dealt with.

I think this is awful. I know of two people who have done this to their children and they end up getting so anxious about it. It’s not fair in my opinion. They are kids, if they behave badly discipline them then and there don’t prolong it.