Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a gift-wrapped potato to DD on Christmas morning?

389 replies

Skittlesandbeer · 15/12/2017 21:47

Was chatting with school mums yesterday while we watched kids play sport. This idea was raised, and split opinion in the group.

Given that most of us have used Santa/Father Christmas coming as a carrot or a stick to encourage good behaviour in DC over November and December, doesn’t it follow that we should deal with the bad behaviour on the Christmas present pile as well?

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

This came out of a conversation about how our kids (aged 4-8) have cottoned on to the disconnect between their mums harping on about Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list, and in reality there’s actually a shed load of stuff to open (even though they know they’ve been naughty). One mum said her kids sneer that Santa doesn’t care, and they know they can get presents anyway so why bother being good?

I quite liked the idea, and of keeping the potato in the ‘loot pile’ for a while afterwards as a reminder (until I can’t be arsed going to the shops and cook it for their dinner!).

So AIBU to wrap one?

And perhaps give it to DD first, if she wakes me at 5.30am on the 25th after I’ve had to coordinate 40 pairs of coat hanger/tinsel angel wings for Christmas Eve mass? Xmas Grin

A valid parenting hack, or unreasonably mean (Christmas) spirited?

OP posts:
Ekphrasis · 18/12/2017 19:58

chicken makes a very good point indeed.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/12/2017 19:58

in our xmas stockings every year me and my brothers always got a duff 'present' for the naughty times, a potato, carrot, parsnip or lump of coal. we knew one would be the duff present and accepted it with no trauma whatsoever. hardly came across as a major spite just a little reminder from santa that we had not always been good.

EmpressoftheMundane · 18/12/2017 20:48

Agree, chicken's point is a good one. I think her children are very lucky to have her for a mum. They will understand about the presents soon enough.

RobotGoat · 18/12/2017 23:23

But we're raising a generation of over indulged spoiled brats who have learned that if they don't get the best most expensive/up to date material possessions that money can buy they will probably become victims of either abused parents, or bullies or both.

You might be. I'm not. Still doesn't mean I think think shaming a child for unspecified bad behaviour that they probably don't even remember on Christmas morning is a good idea or a healthy way to parent.

RobotGoat · 18/12/2017 23:23

But we're raising a generation of over indulged spoiled brats who have learned that if they don't get the best most expensive/up to date material possessions that money can buy they will probably become victims of either abused parents, or bullies or both.

You might be. I'm not. Still doesn't mean I think think shaming a child for unspecified bad behaviour that they probably don't even remember on Christmas morning is a good idea or a healthy way to parent.

canteatcustard · 19/12/2017 10:02

I used to get a bit of coal, a walnut and orange or sprout in my stocking. the coal was to remind me that i wasnt well behaved all the time. The fruit nut and sprout to remind me i was lucky my family could eat so well over christmas and to fill the small gaps in my stocking!

its all part of the fun!

LesDennishair · 19/12/2017 12:32

Some people missing the point. If it's part of the fun, and some sort of in joke or tradition or culture, then fine. Again OP has only just got the idea from school parents and is considering using the potato as a punitive tool, wrapping it with a note about previous bad behaviour.
Pointing out again that there's some goady feckery going on I think with the OP.

nonevernotever · 19/12/2017 14:54

We used to always get a lump of coal in our stocking, but it didn't come with a label. Must admit I think the label is too pointed.

nonevernotever · 19/12/2017 14:55

PS In our house my parents were always very clear that Father Christmas brought our stocking but Mum and Dad had to save up to buy everything else.

GinisLife · 19/12/2017 15:04

Therapeutic Parenting would say this punishment doesn't relate back to the original naughtiness and would have been forgotten about and so is pointless. "Punishment" should happen at the time as a natural consequence of the misdemeanour so they see it happening and then you move on. An eg would be you don't have time to take them to Brownies because you have to spend the time you'd be driving them tidying the bedroom they wouldn't tidy themselves.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/12/2017 15:16

Quite Horrible and not in the spirit of Christmas. The "beautifully wrapped" part is particularly spiteful
Your little girl didn't ask you to co-ordinate 40 pairs of angel wings at Mass - you did that for church/school brownie points. Your excited child wakes up early on Christmas (which she can't help) and you want to puncture all that childish delight by giving her a pre-meditated punishment present. How cruel.
Perhaps you should listen to the Christmas Message while you are in church, instead of getting other mums to back you up on the sports sidelines.

londonmummy1966 · 19/12/2017 16:39

MIL was German and related tales of Nicklaus coming round with his side kick Black Peter who had a big stick to threaten the children with. Their parents were asked if they had been good or not and the tradition was for the mothers to say they hadn't - with examples - and for their fathers to then intervene and say they were the best behaved children in town. one year her father was a bit slow and she thought they might be about to get a beating. Shock

SO a potato seems a small gesture. I wouldn't do it myself but my DC did get a letter from Santa on 22 December one year saying that he was concered that the elves were telling him they were naughty at bedtime and that if they didn't improve he wouldn't be able to visit....

chickenanbeanz · 19/12/2017 21:33

The fact that op is making wings for mass yet planning to do this horribly vindictive thing to her own child shows how warped religion can be. I went to a Catholic convent primary school where the (supposedly sweet and kind) vicious vindictive nuns told me constantly what a bad human being I am and that I was stupid, when my form teacher committed suicide when I was about 8, I was made, as the naughtiest child in the class, to attend the funeral as her suicide was somehow deemed my fault, this scarred me for life and i for a long time was on a self destructive life path. I can't help but feel that wrapping up and presenting a potato with a note saying it is instead of a nice present due to bad behaviour is one of those nasty mean vindictive things that had it happened to me would of added to my self destructiveness and belief in my bad personness. Raising children to be nice kids involves so much more than making them go to church and yelling at them when they are bad. Treat a kid with kindness they will generally be kind back, treat a kid with nasty bullying behaviour and mind games they turn into bullies themselves or end up as broken adults. I know what type of kids I want to raise. I do tell them off when they are naughty but the punishment fits the crime and is at that time I will not let them believe they are intrinsically bad people for behaving as all kids do

ChoudeBruxelles · 19/12/2017 21:35

Try dealing with poor behaviour yourself.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page