WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

[Cindbelly]

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Those parents are being pathetic bitching about members of staff they should be working WITH.

[MaisyPops]

knight
I think the head was right to ask OPs thoughts on thr issue, but wrong to put her in the position she was put in

That said, I vent to my friends by text or on thr phone or even direct messaging, not in groups set up purely/mainly for a group of nasty bitches to create a clique. I don't understand why anyone would post in a group slagging people off for any other reason than to stir it up.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

I LOVE the way the Headteacher will now know for sure who the slimy little fuckers are who are shit stirring and spreading crap.

[DagenhamRoundhouse]

What horrible mothers. It's odd how we think that being a parent makes us grow up. Seems not to be the case.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

knight

what you state is an over simplification of the situation, if what the people in the group are saying is defamatory it is illegal.

The right of people to make shit up does not trump the rights of those that are being defamed

[WooWooSister]

the Headteacher will now know for sure who the slimy little fuckers are who are shit stirring
The only thing the HT will know is what's in the screenshots that the OP gave her. She has no idea if it's representative of those parents' views, of the views of the other parents in the group or of the views of the parent body as a whole. Since the HT is already having meetings with one of the parents and getting emails from others, the HT already knows about their complaints. It's why the screenshots were unnecessary.

[SuperDandy]

You could ask to see the school's social media policy, which should cover this situation. Most require that parents do not post negative comments on social media, and ask that they bring any issues to staff in the usual way instead.

Fwiw, you did nothing wrong in sending the screen shot. The head needs to be informed so that action can be taken before things get out of hand. In most cases this would be a letter to all parents reminding them of school social media policy, and the admins of the group being asked to delete the comments.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

No the HT will know the individuals.

Everyone knows one group of pathetic gossips is not representative of the whole school. Now he/she will be able to pick out the true bitches.

[WineGummyBear]

I don't think you did the wrong thing OP.

Lots of people have already pointed out: it's a closed group, it's neither private nor confidential.

From what you described, these people are behaving very badly, and the head is in a very difficult situation so I don't even blame her for asking you (although I'm not sure what it will have accomplished).

Poor you. Rubbish situation to be in.

[caringcarer]

You did what you thought was best at the time. You can't take it back so calm down. Anyone making libelous comments could have legal action taken against them. People should not post shitty comments as they will always be revealed and then they will look bad.

[MaisyPops]

Everyone knows one group of pathetic gossips is not representative of the whole school.
This ^^

But it's true in any school. Most parents are lovely and supportive. Most parents work with the school. Most parents understand that it's important to back the school (even if it's not alwayd their preferred course of action). Most parents know teachers can (and do) get it wrong at times and will challenge the school when required and will do it in a way that is appropriate and reasonable.

Then you have the minority group who can't get their daft heads around basic rules, call up to kick off (probably having been egged on when they've been ranting about it ob MN and their little online posse has told them to report to the head! Demand a meeting!), they pick abd choose when things apply to DC and their darling id always right, conplain if their cjild gets sanctioned even if they were in the wrong and are generally just infuriating individuals to have to deal with. They are the ones who start bitchy whatsapp groups and are probably the types of people who start threads outlining how 'as parents we have decided that we are not happy with this teacher so are going to the head to diacuss why we think thr teacher is crap'. They are the loudest and the ones who end up taking time and resources from things helping children.

I always remind myself that the loud minority aren't representative and most parents are amazing.

[Damsel]

Any member of this charming group of parents may well get sued by the school or head if any of their posts are defamatory. There have been two recent cases in Ireland where awards of up to 75k in damages have been awarded by the court over defamatory FB posts. Law in UK may be different though.

[cherish123]

Normally I would say these pages are not the business of the school but where catty inappropriate comments are being made about members of staff, the HT has a right to know.

[SandyDenny]

Why does the HT have a right to know? It's pretty silly of people to be making comments in writing online when the HT could very easily read them but I don't think the HT has any more of a right to know than if the same people were sitting in a cafe making the same comments.

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

I see the OP's not been back for a while, so we're probably not going to find out how this panned out.

FWIW, I don't the OP was wrong to hand over information she wasn't comfortable with in any case. And I get why the HT asked to see it as he/she needs to see what's actually been said before deciding what to do about it (even if that's eventually nothing).

[GreenTulips]

Slander has to be proven to cause issues, liable doesn't

The HT may have a case against those writing untruths that may cause damage to her or her schools reputation, thus reducing the intake and therefor funding of the school

There would be no case to prove in the written word.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

I don’t think the head has a “right” to know. But school represents and has to protect its authority in the community in order to be effective in managing the children it has responsibility for, and if a group of adults within that community are doing their best to undermine its staff like this, then it is something that is important to know about in order to tackle. Schools are a specific community, not some random company. Their cargo and responsibility is precious. And their approach, no matter how careful and planned, will never suit everyone at all times, so they have to very delicately manage the “buy-in” of all stakeholders.

[OldGuard]

The old saying about not saying anything about someone that you’re not prepared to say to their face comes to mind

Be part of the solution or you are part of the problem

I abhor people saying bad things of others without the stamina to actually deal with the issue in the open and act like an adult

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP

[BunsOfAnarchy]

You've not done anything wrong.
But the group admin needs to seriously get a life. I can't stand groups of moany bitchy people who just moan and groan but do fuck all to resolve situations professionally and politely. And then to make personal comments about the head? Wtf! How will that ever help any concerns you have regarding your children?
Yes the head shouldn't have put you in that position but you are within your rights to have sent screenshots to the head.

You need a more supportive group going with positive outlooks and the children's best interests in mind, whilst making sure the relationship between yourselves and the teachers and head in the school remains positive too. This way any concerns regarding your children are handled properly, and in a professional manner.
It's hard to do that in some schools but it's better than being moaning bitches about it, being two faced with the staff, then expecting the school to answer why your children are not in medical school by the age of 9.

[PumpkinSquash]

I don't think the HT has any more of a right to know than if the same people were sitting in a cafe making the same comments.

It's just not the same. Talking to your friends in the cafe, it's just between a few of you sat round a table.
Publishing your conversation to the internet for anyone to see, and all people you don't know in the group as well, as all those they could potentially share the posts and screen shot them....so much scope to go wrong.
How can you not see the internet isn't a cup of coffee sat round a table with a few friends? It really isn't.

[BunsOfAnarchy]

Agree with you @PumpkinSquash

[Originalfoogirl]

You're incredibly naive if you think it stays between the two of you on an internet chat. It takes one screenshot and share and the next thing you know your gossiping has spiralled out of control and bites you on the arse.

Firstly, I’m not at all naive.

Secondly, I don’t gossip.

Much is made about the internet not being private. As if “the internet” is one organic entity. It really isn’t, and anyone who thinks it is, has no real understanding of it. Many areas of the internet are actually private, and remain so.

To say that the expectation of privacy is misguided because someone could screenshot it, is the same as saying one has no expectation of privacy in their mail because the postie could photocopy it and plaster it around the town. Each scenario is possible, but neither is what you would expect. To turn round now and try to absolve crappy behaviour by going “internet, innit, not private” is just wrong. Because, lets face it, the only person responsible for the information not being private, is the OP who passed it to the HT.

[bastardkitty]

No, not really.

[MaisyPops]

Originalfoogirl
The 'internet' itself may not entirely be 'public' but to me bitching in a social media grouo which is set up for it is different to being annoyed with something and discussing it with a friend in private messages. In private messages it's a private conversation which sure could be screenshotted but it's reasonable to think ut's between you two.

In a Facebook group with so many people in it thrn it's essentially mini cliques standing at the school gate slagging the head off. The fact they are thr type to do that probably means they are the types if their DC is in trouble to say things like but i have spoken to other parents and they say the teacher was awful. Why should my DC lose breaks for just talking? and where there are real issues they won't do anything.
You know hive mind and all that. Whip the anger in a nice little echo chamber and then feel smug about it.

Anything they post to a group could end up anywhere and maybe this will teach them the difference between letting off steam and being a set of nasty bitches

[differentnameforthis]

You are exactly the reason why I don't/can't vent on Facebook.

Head should try engaging the parents instead of hiring a spy, what an awful position to put you in.