WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

[Cindbelly]

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

[Thymeout]

I think it comes down to where your loyalty lies. This little group has no authority, yet their leader claims to speak for all parents. If individual parents have an issue, they should speak personally to the HT. If a group of them have the same issue, they should approach the PTA or the Governors.

Communicating in secret, whipping up a witch hunt, is nasty, bullying behaviour. You can never stop bitching at the school gate, but social media makes it much easier to escalate minor grievances into personal attacks, sometimes with tragic results.

Anything any decent person can do to curtail it is to the benefit of the whole school community, and I'd have done the same as you.

[Originalfoogirl]

I definitely wouldn’t have screenshotted and sent to her. It’s a closed group and people would expect the members to keep the information in it private. All you needed to do was tell the head teacher that it is between her and the one person and that no other parents have been involved. You’ve got yourself involved in an issue which had nothing to do with you. I agree the head shouldn’t have asked, but you could have said no.

[Cindbelly]

No rules on the group, no positive messages, just bitchy moaning and nasty personal insults about the head and other staff members.
There were posted updates for some school events but with wrong information like dates and times.

But still. Shit. I feel awful now. And I just checked, you can’t recall an email sent from a phone. Shit.

[LinoVentura]

The group is having a toxic effect on the school so you did the right thing. I really don't think that the head is going to reveal her source. Forget about it and if anyone tries to find out what you know, feign ignorance.

[WTAFisthisshit]

cindbelly please don't feel awful YOU have done nothing wrong! Some of the others however..... I frankly hope the school takes legal action against them.

[Allthecoolkids]

I think everyone has behaved badly tbh.

The group members,
The Head,
And, sorry, you too

It’s done now. I’d ask the Head again to confirm confidentiality, I’d leave the group and tick the “prevent me from being readded ” button and I’d stay well away from it all in future.

[Allthetuppences]

I would have shared with the jead in those very strange circumstances. Closed groups are not, after all, that secure. Anyone could've decided enough was enough and let the school know what was going on. Any non school run SM is doomed to the controlling agenda of a single adult. I'd avoid them all.

[ginswinger]

I think you did the right thing. The Head is leading the school and shouldn't really be undermind in a secret group that is excluding him or her. It's very devisive and the children stand to lose out the most. If the group leader doesn't like the leadership of the school, withdraw your child or have a word with the head. Or Ofsted.
There are channels but this shouldn't be one of them. I support you entirely.

[grasspigeons]

if it makes you feel better - I work in a school and a lot of parents bring us screenshots of conversations that have got a bit out of hand and they feel uncomfortable about. you aren't the only person that would have made that choice.

[Cindbelly]

gin that’s where my thinking was, that in her position I would want to be able to have the group closed, but also it highlighted to me that the school could do more with its official Facebook to meet parents needs (like posting the coffee morning dates for example)

Then I started wondering if I have invaded others privacy (earlier I thought not as it’s facebook and the Internet) which is why I posted here.

I will definately ask about confidentiality again in the mornig

[Cindbelly]

Thanks grass that does actually make me feel a bit better as I feel a bit sick right now

[Namechanger5555]

I don't see that you or the head have done anything wrong.
If the people on the fb group are spreading lies then that needs dealing with.
The head will need evidence in order to effectively deal with them.

[OnionKnight]

You have done nothing wrong.

Why were the dates etc posted in the group posted incorrectly?

[alphajuliet123]

How many parents are in this group?

[ClaudiaWankleman]

Even with 'rules' (which aren't really enforceable except in kicking someone out, which is always done after the fact), Facebook groups aren't private. They just can't be.

The mother should realise that anything and everything she writes is something she has to be accountable for - that's the nature of the internet where everything you write is memorialised for ever.

[Cindbelly]

Dates posted wrong seemed to be a genuine error, but were posted all the time and then comments under saying oops wrong date eyc

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

The head knew about this fb group and their issues so I assume someone else had expressed their concern to her?

Unfortunately, it might be obvious to the parents that you "blew the whistle" because you are fairly friendly with the head, are a member of the PTA and are involved with the school volunteering.

I would avoid getting involved any more than you are already as they sound like a group of immature gossiping bullies.

[wibblywobblywoo]

tbh you shouldn’t of shared it’s been set as a secret group for parents of the children in the year group to post

A secret group???!!! What are they, 12??? And if they were 12 yr olds posting nasty stuff about another 12 yr old that would be deemed by all as very wrong.......but apparently it's fine if they are adults being nasty about teachers......

I'm sorry you were put in this position OP as it's left you feeling bad about what you did but honestly, you did a good thing and the poor HT was probably at a loss as to what else to do to find out exactly what was being posted in this group about her and her staff.

If there are slanderous comments being made she and the staff should know. If there are legitimate concerns being made they should be addressed as they always have been by the parents concerned speaking, face to face, like normal people do, to the staff member concerned and/or the HT.

What these parents shouldn't be doing is acting like a group of silly, irresponsible, immature bullies sniping and criticising people who cannot defend themselves against any of these remarks as they are being made within this "secret group"

[Cindbelly]

Members were roughly 20 parents out of 90 children.
So a small minority speaking on behalf of all the parents

[OnionKnight]

Well the woman is clearly an idiot if she can't even post the correct information on the first attempt.

[Cindbelly]

I wish I could work out how to put on the settings to not let people re add me.

Scratch that - I wish bloody Facebook had never been invented

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

OP, don't feel bad. The head shouldn't have put you in that position, and you haven't done ANYTHING out of spite or malice, unlike the people in the group.

Please stop worrying.

[NinahH]

I think it would be better to have said openly you were unhappy with the way the group discussions were going rather than remain in the group and give screen shots to the Head anonymously. However, it's done now; s/he knows s/he was correct in the assessment that you are a good source of information.

[lucylouuu]

don't worry, i would've sent the screenshots. it is tricky as you couldn't really have said no to the head but i would've sent them anyway. those other parents sound nasty

[tampinfuminragin]

I don't think you've done anything wrong, but the head should not have put you in this position.

I wouldn't have sent her the screen shots but verbally told her the rough story/issue.