WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

[Cindbelly]

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

[TansyViolet]

Yes, the "teacher yelled at parent for helping a child with homework over whatsapp" story sounds a bit fishy.

[FireCracker2]

I don't know what the head thinks they can do about it. So long as nobody is posting anything untrue as fact, they can bitch on with their opinions on everything and everybody as much as they like.

[GreenTulips]

A parent/TA reported it to the teacher

On what basis did she feel the need to report? Discussing homework doesn't warrant the teachers attention, it's set because it's school policy, the homework itself can not be counted towards any marks or assessments and actually achieves very little - teachers know this!!

[MaisyPops]

jwpetal
The OP isn't saying a parent had a query and was getting some help with the homework though. We are talking about nasty parent cliques targeting staff and probably giving their own commentary on every element of school life because obvs they know best.

I'm always dubious about claims of 'so and so was being perfectly nice and then someone just yelled at them for no reason' etc because to me it's probably far more likely that thr story is a bit more than 'parents were asking for help with homework and teacher yelled at them'. Like, why would any professional full on scream at a parent in public? Especially over 'you asked some people about homework'.
More likely, teacher became aware of the content of a group (which is probably more than just charlie is stuck on homework) and had a firm word with the parent that should they have an issue with x y or z then instead of taking to social media, parent contacts the teacher for information.

I'm starting to wonder if whether there's a link between people thinking the OP was out of order and people who are members of such groups.

[jwpetal]

I think you totally stepped over the line. this happened in a group that I was in and we weren't complaining about the school. One of the parents was having issues with the homework and we were helping her with her child. A parent/TA reported it to the teacher...a teacher known to have go off the handle with parents and children. He yelled at her at the school and belittled her. It was awful. Not only that, my name was brought into it as I was trying to be supportive of her child.

It was a massive break of trust. The HT should not have asked you to do it, but you are an adult. You make those decisions. You screenshot it and forwarded it. That is awful. No compassion from me. If you didn't like being in the group, you could have said that you are leaving the group and they could have blocked your name from the group.

[FrLukeDuke]

How horrendous Thymeout. I left facebook around the time my eldest started secondary and it was a lot to do with how awful a few of the primary school mums were on facebook. So glad i have no idea what they are saying now they are at secondary.

[MaisyPops]

Thymeout
Exactly.
And what's worse is that most parents are amazing and when you get nasty groups of bitches like this they often try to impress on school that they somehow represent the views of all/most parents and actually most parents would be mortified to be associated with it.

It's like one parents evening I had thr misfortunate of encountering one of those types and having (politely and firmly) held my ground, the next parent in said 'don't listen to them. We think you're doing great and DC loves your lessons'. It's just the loud mouthy ones demand the most airtime.

[Thymeout]

This wasn't a random group of friends chatting on line and having a bitch about someone. It was the ruling clique within a group posting under the name of the school for parents of children in a particular year.

As Maisie has pointed out the consequences for the teacher/Head and well-being of the whole school can be horrendous. I, too, know of a case where one parent got her knife into a teacher and managed to recruit a gang of cronies to make that teacher's life a misery. She hadn't a clue what was going on. Just that parents were blanking her and as she walked across the playground there'd be a muttered comment followed by shrieks of laughter.

Eventually, thanks to a whistle-blower, it all came out and the Head called in the ringleaders and read the riot act. But the teacher left as soon as she could. She was on anti-d's by then and the class had a very unsettled year with one supply after another.

Think about that when you talk about free speech.

[MaisyPops]

Labradoodliedoodoo
Thr OP has said she has left and has been readded on a number of occasions.

Bottom line is creating groups to bitch is a sort of stupud teenage girl clique thing. When you see grown adults doing it, it's totally ridiculous.

If any of my students were behaving like thesr adults, I would want to know so I could make it clear in no uncertain terms that bullying is a nasty and disgusting thing to do. If another student saw a group like that then the right thing to do would be to tell someone.
Now i'm not saying the head should have put the OP in that position, nor am I saying it's identical to students bullying. But i ak pointing out that I'd bet any money that people defending the righy of this nasty clique group to exist and speak freely would be furious if such a group existed between kids and the members were talking about their child.

[Labradoodliedoodoo]

I think everyone behaved badly. You. Your head. The parents.

If you don’t like the group you should leave. The parents are entitled to discuss things. Freedom of speech.

It’s natural for the head to want to pick up on issues. However I’m not sure it’s your place to share screen shots. The head should have approached the main posters. Who you could have named.

[gamerwidow]

I think you did the right thing. The group being closed doesn’t mean that people get to post bullying and inflammatory things just because they won’t get called put on it.
If the actions of the group are causing disruption to school life you are right to share the details so it can be dealt with.

[FluffyNinja]

I think you did the right thing OP.
Any parent who believes that stuff posted on social media is confidential is either incredibly naive or wantonly stupid.

[Moussemoose]

We all agree bullying is wrong. We all know cyber bullying is wrong. When it happens teenagers we encourage them to stand up to bullies. The OP has to stand up to these bullies.

Standing by and watching bullying occur is at 5, 15 and 35.

The Facebook group are bullies of course you should try to stop them.

[MaisyPops]

Ps. I know it sounds like I feel strongly about it, but i do.
I watchrd a colleague get driven out because of parents with their nasty bullying cliques. It was such a shame. The class ended up with supply because a group of bitches decided to be horrible. Such a shame for my colleague, the department and the lovely students who respected her and enjoyed her lessons

[MaisyPops]

You are exactly the reason why I don't/can't vent on Facebook
So thr only thing stopping you getting involved in nasty cliquey bitch-fests is the idea of being found out.
Most people wouldn't get involved because it's just a nasty and needlessly bitchy thing to do set up by individuals who clearly have very little going on in their lives or want to feel important.

I never get the mentality of those groups/people. In my head they are grouped in with people who tell any OP with a school question they are CERTAINLY not being unreasonable and they shpuld report, report, report. They are all after a little mob-like echo chamber all congratulating each other on their own pointless nastiness.

If something minor is annoying you, vent to friends or family. Get it of your chest and move on.

If school have screwed up or you feel you need to raise a concern/make a complaint, then contact school, ask to speak to the most appropriate person and discuss it sensibly like reasonable adults.

Most parents manage to avoid horrible cliques, manage to discuss sensibly with school and generally function as perfectly awesome and pleasant individuals. People in those types of groups just thrive on drama and some of them are probably the types to check in at A and E but then say 'PM me hun!' All thr drama

[Thymeout]

Pals87 Alternatively, she may be able to protect a member of her staff from being ganged up on and bullied by group of parents who get more pleasure out of stirring up a witchhunt than going through proper channels.

[Pals87]

Don’t do it OP

You can suggest tyr headteacher uses an anonymous survey to collect opinions from parents, that should you her everyone’s view.

With a screenshot she will know who those parents are and could adversely affect the child’s progress at school.

[MrDirtyBear]

You did nothing wrong. All schools have a complaints procedure and escalation. You can even write into the NBU at Ofsted.

There's no reasonable excuse for creating groups for the purpose of going to war with a school or dragging groups set up for an otherwise more innocent purpose into this kind of toxic route.

You did the right thing. You didn't sign a CDA or an NDA for confidentiality and as so many others have adroitly put there is nothing secret on the internet especially on social media.

Those committing a calumny would be those making the statements not those bringing it to the attention of the victim and unless you are super rich there is no effective libel law anyhow.

If it means people in that group watch what they say from now on, great. If they stop adding you, bonus. If the worst offenders get hauled over the coals then hopefully they learn a valuable life lesson. If they don't change then you are well off out of it and at least you've done a tiny bit to stop the poison.

Being a member of one of these groups myself, well behaved so far, I think my reaction to it going down the route the one you describe would be akin to how sickened I felt seeing ex classmates writing out various teachers on friends reunited as if everyone couldn't see. I would either leave or say something.

It's a very strange world these days, maybe it always was and it's just now easier to observe because so many people use the internet to do exactly what they used to do before. The audience is just wider and the information is immediate.

[catwoozle]

Agreed. I've taken part in open discussions with parents on FB about say, uniform policy - change of uniform and the way it was done pissed off a lot of people. However any comments I made were constructive, if angry and critical and not personal, and the school were aware of my views anyway, so if someone sent the conversation in a screenshot, nothing would come as a surprise. It all came about because the change was so sudden, and there had been no parental consultation at all, so I think the FB discussion, and the governors and head seeing it, was a good thing. However, setting up closed groups where members say personal stuff about members of staff is not on.

[Boysnme]

I don’t think you have done anything wrong. Unfortunately in this day and age with technology nothing you write down in an email or on a forum can be guaranteed to be private. It is far too easy to screen shot / forward on an email. If someone is happy to write something down on an internet site then they take the risk that it may be shared and become public. If you are not happy with that then don’t write anything you don’t want others to see.

[GreenTulips]

You are exactly the reason why I don't/can't vent on Facebook

LOL!!!

You do realise that what you post isn't the thoughts of all the group? That some will feel differently and object to your posts?

OP may well have been in the group, doesn't mean she agrees with what they are saying, her experience and moral judgement will be different

Maybe you shouldn't rant on Facebook - be kind - if you can't be kind do nothing

[WellThisIsShit]

I wouldn’t worry about it too much OP. What’s done is done and you cannot take back the screenshots, so I would try and step back mentally as well as practically.

I find it surprising that so many people believe that bully’s can demand everyone to keep their behaviour a secret.

Personally, I don’t believe bullying and unfounded bitching should be allowed to flourish in the dark. Shining a light on bullying is a good thing. Just like vampires, bullies and bitches tend to curl up and croak in the sunlight.

[catwoozle]

YADNBU. The group were massively out of order.

[ton181]

Why shouldn't the Head have asked? How can they deal with issues if they are not aware, plus being the Head I'm sure they will be professional enough to deal with it and should there be substance to the issues, they will have a chance to correct them. OP had a choice and made it, I think she did the right thing. I doubt the Head will out her as the "spy" they would have nothing to gain from this.

[firenze86]

Try not to worry too much. It was stupid of them to post bitchy unhelpful comments on a page which had the potential to get back to the head/teachers. We have a similar page set up for my ds class and it is also filled with aggy parents slagging everyone off, tbh I stay completely out of it but as I sometimes work in the school I would do the same in your situation & if the comments were getting out of hand. Our page (and yours too it seems) is run by a group of loud, bossy, gossiping bullies. Bullying is not tolerated in schools between children so why should it be any different between the parents? The head was unreasonable to ask this of you but I would’ve done the same in your situation. I’d rather issues were sorted out by the staff and parents involved rather than a witch hunt where information gets twisted and the initial problem is lost in all the chaos. Schools are a minefield, my advice is to stay well away from any kind of confrontation unless it directly involves you and your children, and then only deal with the school directly.