WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

[Cindbelly]

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

[JingsMahBucket]

The HT was really wrong to ask you for that info. She basically asked you to rat out other people and I'm assuming she thought you may have been a light touch because she got what she wanted. That feels all types of borderline wrong in my eyes. I can see why she would want the information but she went about it the wrong way.

Did you blur out people's names at least? I think that's what feels like a violation of privacy here for me. If you turned over the screen shots but blurred out people's names and pictures, then I would be fine with it. If not, yikes. You've learned your lesson now @Cindbelly but I'd try not to do this again. Have some tea and try not to think too much about it.

And for others questioning the "re-adding to a FB group" thing, yes this does happen. It happens both accidentally and deliberately, mostly by humans. Because of the way the right hand side of the FB interface is designed on desktop, you'll see a bunch of pictures of your friends who ARE NOT necessarily in the group as well as sometimes the ones who ARE in the group.

But in light grey it says something like "Add these people to the group" and the adding functionality is so subtle that you can easily add someone to a group by mistake. I've done this several times and have panicked while deleting the invite. Anyone else in OP's group could have done this the last couple of times simply by accident because the interaction there is so tricky.

[EMSMUM16]

I think if you didn't agree with the comments you've done the right thing. I would ask the head though to keep her source confidential

[LemonShake]

Wow. Those people defending the actions of the people on the Facebook group has left me
If someone set up a private Facebook group about YOU and were posting vicious comments about YOU, you would be mortified and upset.
Teachers and head teachers are human beings with feelings.

[WooWooSister]

The fact that the HT asked for this information makes me think some of their complaints may be justified. The HT was very unprofessional. She was obviously aware of the issues in the group. She did not need screenshot 'proof'. She put you in an awkward position and if I were you, I'd distance yourself from the HT as well as from the fb group.

There is no comparison with DCs being bullied online. Parents do not have to be unthinkingly supportive of teachers and schools. They can complain. They can bitch about how they're treated in meetings. It's not illegal, immoral or bullying.

[manicmij]

Head put you on the spot. Considering how concerned you are about the postings though would have done the same. Why not set up another FB page yourself. At least you would be able to delete inappropriate, inaccurate postings and there must be others dissatisfied with the existing one.

[Nosleepforthewicked]

You did nothing wrong! You say you felt bad because it "was a safe place to vent". The internet is not a safe place to vent whether it's secret, closed, open, half-shut, whatever!

[TheLuminaries]

I can understand you were put in a difficult position, but it is sneaky to screenshot people's posts and share them without their knowledge. It shows a lack of courage and integrity. You should have informed the group if you planned to do this, or kept well out of it.

If you feel uncomfortable it is because you are aware your actions are not the finest and you don't want others to know what you have done. We have all done things we wish we hadn't - you can only learn from this and resolve to be more open and honest in your dealings with people in future.

[Shannaratiger]

YANBU part of our parent school agreement is not to discuss the school negatively on social media, every parent is aware of it. I maybe wouldn't have screen shot it but the head should just send out a letter reminding parents that if they have a problem come and discuss it face to face.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

If the people had vented to you about bad meetings etc in the playground would you have gone back and told the head? If not how is this different?
The head has acted really unprofessionally basically getting you to spy for her. If this is a group that no staff are a member of then whatever opinions are expressed are not bullying. They aren't being said to staff. It is a conversation among parents. They were naive to expect it to be private but the op was wrong to report back.
I would compare it to eavesdropping on some parents complaining in the playground then tattling to the head about it.
Unless anything being said about staff was untrue or you felt there was a risk to them or something but it doesn't seem that this is the case.

[AmysTiara]

I don't think you've done anything wrong. The head asked you so you told her.

[GreenTulips]

but it is sneaky to screenshot people's posts and share them without their knowledge

If you aren't prepared to stand by your opinions face to face then you shouldn't make those comments

[WillowWept]

but it is sneaky to screenshot people's posts and share them without their knowledge

If you aren't prepared to stand by your opinions face to face then you shouldn't make those comments

The two positions aren’t mutually exclusive.

[user1483887562]

Social media, schools? Don't bother, sounds like a lot of unprofessional numpties to me.

[specialsubject]

Jeez, all this playground talk of 'grassing up'. Internet abuse deserves everything it gets. Well done for not being a sheep, op. If they don't want it shared then they don't put it online. Fools.

What frightens me is these nasty bullies are all parents and so will have bred more.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

PrincePooPoo

Depending on what is being written it could well be illegal.

[jayne1976]

Oh no, you shouldn’t have been put in that position, but think on your feet next time say you left the group and don’t have access. Head shouldn’t have asked you, head shouldn’t be saying to other mums I saw that you had messaged people on social media saying x y z, people are allowed to vent on social medial ‘private’ chats and it’s wrong of people to ask people to spy / report, especially a head! If this were to get out I suspect she could loose her job! Sorry but you’ve been embroiled in a whole can of worms.

[Olympiathequeen]

My loyalty would be towards the school and the head who I believe in rather than a bunch of school gate bullies.

I would have done the same but ensured that the head understood that the posts were simply for her private information so that she understood what the issues were so that she could tackle them.

[bengalcat]

You've done nothing wrong . Golden rule our children are taught is ' if you're not happy for the whole world to know then don't put it on the Internet ' - same applies to us !

[GabsAlot]

if theyv already met about this i dont think you should hav got involved

shoot the messenger and all that

[Starlight2345]

Op..Let me tell you what happened in our FB group..Head got a relative to add herself to the group.. no children at the school(no one realised)
one member started slagging off a teacher , others jumped on the bandwagon..It made it back to head.. lots of drama. Head sent out text to all parents.. lots of back peddling on group.

Another time complaint lots of people jumped on bandwagon again. Head sent out a letter asking anyone wants to see her about issue to come see her.

We live in a small town and nothing is really is secret.. Result though is the group is a much better place .

The intent s no place for bitching and it just winds people up rather than resolving issues. the parents were wrong..I do think the head put you in a difficult position however I actually think the decision you made is a good one for the good of the school.

[RestingGrinchFace]

In soviet Russia head spy on you! ...but we're not in soviet Russia-normal schoolgate drama is bad enough but espionage is just silly.

[Biscuitsneeded]

A 'closed' group is only 'closed' as long as everyone who accesses a shared computer remembers to log out of Facebook every time they have finished using it. I am a member of one closed group and their posts come up in my feed like any other public posts. I never log out of Facebook as I have no secrets really, but in theory my partner could use the pc and read all the 'closed group' posts. He doesn't, because he has no interest, but I think all these parents are being naive in the extreme in thinking they can post potentially libellous statements about individuals and be sure only certain people see it. I wouldn't sweat it, OP. I don't think the Head should have asked you to screen shot, but the person who gave her the info could have been anyone using a shared computer.

[MaisyPops]

I wouldn't worry. I also don't thinj you have been unreasonable.

We tell our students to report online bullying and malicious stirring.
To me it is no different when it's adults being bitchy and nasty.

Clique of some parents bitching and stirring sounds nasty and hellish and thr sort of group who can create quite nasty cultures.

[KnightofWands]

You know when folk are frustrated about things they do need a "safe environment" to just have a good bitch about things. I would say members of a closed group on FB should have an expectation that such should be reasonably safe. It's up to the group to (a) decide whether their frustrations should be diplomatically articulated into something formal to the head / school or (b) whether they just want to let off some steam and bitch. Equally, it is up to the group to decide if any members are going over board in their comments and addressing that WITHIN the group.

If somebody feels strongly enough that they need to convey something to the head then I do not think it is appropriate to send screen shots any more than it would be appropriate to covertly record conversations over a drink and then send the audio recording.

If asked to provide more than a "sense" of the mood by the head then I actually believe the proper thing would have been to seek the group's prior permission.

The head has been unreasonable to ask and has manipulated you into a questionable action.

OP, you have my sympathies: I think what you did is wrong (and you will need to live with any fall out) but the head has been outrageous.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Absolutely don’t give it a second thought.

I think you did the right thing totally. Why the hell should you support libellous comments by being a bystander and pretending you saw nothing.

These shitty vermin types need to be flushed out. Good for you. Zero privacy violated